Appropriate punishment for DD?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD has been involved in weird situation at school. Not completley her fault, but an incident has resulted in a 3 day suspension. For some context: she and her friends were purposefully clogging the toilets in an attempt to overflow the school. Yes, I know, unbelivable, but there's some additional context that is not worth getting into. Bottom line is, she is attending the Drizzy Drake and Jermaine Cole tour "big as the what?" should I let her go? Or is it reasomable enough to not let her go even though we've already bought the tickets and it would be too much of a hassle to sell them and she has been working hard and looking forward to it. Obviously she did something wrong but she has been working hard in school and im still proud of her. Help me out here.

Not completely her fault? How would this not be her fault? Even if she was part of a group doing the clogging, she is still 100% at fault.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not take away the concert. I would have her do community service and take away her phone for a while. I’d definitely make sure the punishment is severe enough that it “hurts”. But do not take away the concert, she will remember it forever and likely hate you for it.

That's not a punishment. You take away the concert and she only gets her phone, which is locked down, for emergency use only. I wouldn't care if my kid hated me. I'd be furious they participated in that and there would be strong consequences at home.

[Anonymous]

OP

Clearly you stink at parenting. Here is why I say this. What she did is bad no other vocabulary needed. And you say she’s a “good kid and she’s trying hard” right there you stink as a parent. Making excuses for her yep you have no clue.

The concert sure let her go. She’s going to get way worse bec you are in denial. Omg you won’t sell the tickets because it’s a hassle??

No parent is perfect however you need help get it now.

Not only does she need to apologize like a PP suggested. She needs to get on her hands and knees and clean those bathrooms for at least a month. And any other janitorial work needed at school should now be her punishment.
.

[Anonymous]

The two are unrelated, OP.

Depending on the nature of the events you're not describing, I would have an appropriate consequence for the toilet-clogging.

She can go to the concert as planned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would take the concert away from her as a consequence. She'll be spitting nails and mad as can be at you, but she needs to learn.

As well as personally apologize to everyone involved, including the custodian or other staff who had the fun pleasure of cleaning up after her antics.

Kids should get one pass on bad mistakes. One.
Show her kindness and as an example and let her go.

You can't be serious. This was destruction of property.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD has been involved in weird situation at school. Not completley her fault, but an incident has resulted in a 3 day suspension. For some context: she and her friends were purposefully clogging the toilets in an attempt to overflow the school. Yes, I know, unbelivable, but there's some additional context that is not worth getting into. Bottom line is, she is attending the Drizzy Drake and Jermaine Cole tour "big as the what?" should I let her go? Or is it reasomable enough to not let her go even though we've already bought the tickets and it would be too much of a hassle to sell them and she has been working hard and looking forward to it. Obviously she did something wrong but she has been working hard in school and im still proud of her. Help me out here.

I’m a huge fan of the custodians in our schools and would be pissed beyond belief at any kids who did that. But I’m also a fan of natural consequences. She’s getting suspended that’s a pretty big deal, additionally, she should have a consequence that relates to the hard work of cleaning up a mess of that nature. Like something really gross. But I tend to agree that taking away the concert isn’t really related to this situation so seems pretty arbitrary and disconnected.

[Anonymous]

I get you don't want to post the context but, given the specific nature of the offense, I feel like you've outed her already to people who know or who may be at your school. So, what possible context could there be to excuse that????

Having said all that, while it is a messy and potentially costly situation for the school, no one was hurt. It was a stupid prank. So. I'm inclined to give ONE single get out of jail free card. But with conditions. And on the warning that, next time, sh-- will rain down on her like a firestorm. And if she wants to test me on that, she is free to do so, but she will have been warned.

[Anonymous]

She commits vandalism and would be allowed to go to a concert? Wtf? She’s shown poor judgment. I would not allow concerts for her now until she’s 18.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get you don't want to post the context but, given the specific nature of the offense, I feel like you've outed her already to people who know or who may be at your school. So, what possible context could there be to excuse that????

Having said all that, while it is a messy and potentially costly situation for the school, no one was hurt. It was a stupid prank. So. I'm inclined to give ONE single get out of jail free card. But with conditions. And on the warning that, next time, sh-- will rain down on her like a firestorm. And if she wants to test me on that, she is free to do so, but she will have been warned.

PP here. And I don't mean "free" as in NO consequence here. But I'd prob allow the concert but only if she was not going with the kids she committed the prank with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would take the concert away from her as a consequence. She'll be spitting nails and mad as can be at you, but she needs to learn.

As well as personally apologize to everyone involved, including the custodian or other staff who had the fun pleasure of cleaning up after her antics.

Kids should get one pass on bad mistakes. One.
Show her kindness and as an example and let her go.

That *one* mistake required plumbers, custodians to clean up, students to not have toilets to use and I am sure a slew of other resources to fix.
This is not a mistake, it was an act of vandalism that affected a lot of people. I am someone that most people would call a permissive parent, but if your actions cause pain to others, I will bring the hammer down. Hard.

[Anonymous]

Make her do some kind of community service, cleaning toilets would be ideal.

[Anonymous]

I would sell the tickets and have her doing community service cleaning bathrooms.

[Anonymous]

Is she going to the concert with the other suspended friends?

[Anonymous]

OP, your tone sounds very much like you’re making excuses for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD has been involved in weird situation at school. Not completley her fault, but an incident has resulted in a 3 day suspension. For some context: she and her friends were purposefully clogging the toilets in an attempt to overflow the school. Yes, I know, unbelivable, but there's some additional context that is not worth getting into. Bottom line is, she is attending the Drizzy Drake and Jermaine Cole tour "big as the what?" should I let her go? Or is it reasomable enough to not let her go even though we've already bought the tickets and it would be too much of a hassle to sell them and she has been working hard and looking forward to it. Obviously she did something wrong but she has been working hard in school and im still proud of her. Help me out here.

Seems that if she is clogging toilets, it IS her fault. You do her no favors minimizing it as « involved » in the situation.

That said, I would not take away a future concert. She should for sure write apologies to the janitors and principal and honestly I would find another consequence effective immediately. And also start therapy. If, as you say, she’s just involved, she needs to learn how to not be a follower. That can be hard for teenagers.