Do grandparents always favor the first born grandchild?
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Anonymous
I would bet that not only were they amazing, involved parents, but likely are amazing, involved grandparents, also! |
Anonymous
| I think it depends. DH's parents are very uninvolved with all of their grandkids, but they do slightly more with the grandchildren of their favorite children who live less than a 15 hour plane ride away. Distance matters too. My mom definitely favors her oldest grandchild, but my sister lives less than an hour from my mom so my mom has always been very physically present in this grandchild's life. I would never say my sister is my mom's golden child though. I might have said I was but I was also a big disappointment to my mom as I didn't achieve her expectations for me. My sister of the oldest grandchild might be the golden child because my mom perceives her husband to be very successful. Another sister is a good contended for golden child because her partner eventually became a doctor, but she lives a plane ride from my mom (as do I). It is what it is. Gotta find validation elsewhere. |
Anonymous
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My personal experience:
my maternal grandparents' favorite grandchild was their 4th grandchild, who was also their 3rd granddaughter and was the child of my grandparents' 2nd daughter and 2nd child out of 4 kids. my paternal grandparents' favorite grandchild was their 6th grandchild, who was also their 5th granddaughter and was the child of my grandparents' 2nd son and 3rd child out of 3 kids. my husband's maternal grandparents' favorite grandchild was their 2nd grandson, son of their 3rd child out of 4 kids. my husband's paternal grandparents didn't favor any of their grandchildren, they seemed to show same affection for all the grandkids. my in laws' favorite grandchild is their 3rd grandchild, who is also their 2nd grandson and is the child of their 2nd son/2nd child out of 2 kids. my parents' favorite grandchild is their 1st grandchild, who is also the first child of their first child and only daughter. So my parents are the only ones in my sample size who favor the first born grandchild. Real question is why do so many grandparents pick favorites anyway? |
Anonymous
I'm not a grandparent but I would imagine for the same reasons anyone picks a best friend. Seriously. In how many social situations is everyone on equal terms with everyone else? Probably just parents and children, that's it. |
Anonymous
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My ILs value boys. We had the first born grandchild, a girl. The 2nd born, boy, is also the child of this favorite son. He is the favorite of 6 grandchildren.
Personally, my grandmother (my only living, cognizant grandparent growing up) favored my younger brother, the only male grandchild. |
Anonymous
| Not in my experience. My grandpa had 2 girls (my mom and aunt) and there are 3 grandkids between us, eldest girl, middle boy, youngest girl. The boy was by far the favourite. |
Anonymous
| No, mine is the oldest but my sister and her kids live right near my parents so they spend a lot of time together and they are incredibly close so I’m sure one of them is the favorite. But they are great with my kids so I don’t worry about it. |
Anonymous
+1. You can’t get to grandkids without going through parents, so if one adult child is favored or disfavored, grandparents will likely prefer one set of grandchildren. My FIL seems to favor the first grandchild (boy). MIL tries very hard to treat everyone equally. I have the only girl, so there’s some “special” treatment, and a much younger baby who may get special treatment as well. That unfortunately leaves a few middle children that seem to be drawing the short end of the grandparent stick. |
Anonymous
| Your child isn’t even born yet. I’m sorry but this is insane jealousy. |
Anonymous
In DH's family, the narcissistic grandparent picks the favorite based on which kid (the grandchild's parent, who is also narcissistic) is most like that grandparent - no matter if they are a good person, or have good intentions, or not. It is all about them. Terrible grandparents were, more often than not, terrible parents. |
Anonymous
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My ILs favor the youngest and it’s blatantly obvious.
My parents don’t really have a favorite that we can tell. They spend more time with one pair of grandkids because of proximity. |
Anonymous
| My mom seems to love all her grandchildren equally but enjoys spending more time with the easier/fun ones. My sister has a high maintenance daughter (born first) and I have a very easy going daughter and my mom enjoys spending time with her more (or so it seems to me) but actually sees my niece more because they live closer. And it changes by age, she would prefer to watch my other 8 year old niece because they can do more, communicate better while my toddler limits activities. So I’d say things depend on demeanor, age, interests, gender, etc of grandkids. My MIL wouldn’t admit it but enjoys the girls over the boys and younger ones over older. |
Anonymous
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I am the only girl, youngest and spend the most time with my mom. My mom favored the first grandkids. She loves all of the grandkids, but doesn’t do for my kids what she did for the first grandchild.
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Anonymous
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My grandparents on both sides favored the first grandchild. I was always the middle one so I wasn't really seen as "the important one". And boy did their favorites disappoint them. One had a child at 15 (!), another one eloped with a convicted felon.
When I became an adult, grandparents tried to get to know me. I was always very polite, returned their phone calls, but I guess the moment has passed. |
Anonymous
| They often favor the children of their favorite child. |