Help! DD will not turn in assignments!

[Anonymous]

This sounds so much like my DD with ADHD. Barely made it through junior year of high school. We dragged her across the finish line by micromanaging and she is now in college and managing okay.
The problem with bright ADHD kids is they can hyper-focus…on the things they like. If they don’t like something or it’s boring to them, they just don’t have the will out or energy to do the work (and “forget” to turn it in). You need to look into an executive function coach and really stay on top of her until she gets to college. When she’s looking at colleges, steer her toward ones that have minimal “core” requirements where she might have to take classes that don’t interest her. She won’t do the work for those classes and you won’t be there to nag her. Once she’s studying something she likes, she’ll be fine. Until then, be diligent and set up some scaffolding to help her. Take away the phone when it’s homework time and give it back when she can prove everything is turned in. It’s exhausting but worth it. You need to start showing her that college will be fun/amazing and it’s a goal worth working toward. If she doesn’t get it together, she’ll have to go to community college and live at home. Intrinsic motivation is key her. Help her find it.

[Anonymous]

My kid had periods like this in middle school- something would go wrong and he would just stop doing homework for a month or two until we (painfully) micromanaged it. Once he was back on track, he could keep it going without us.

When he started this cycle in high school, we had him tested for ADHD (no) and hired a weekly executive function coach. The coach has been the best thing for our relationship. Because their relationship is not as loaded, it took away a lot of the emotions around the discussion. Also, he accepts advice from her more easily because she’s the “expert”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m at the end of my rope with DD13, who is currently failing her ELA class, not due to an inability to understand the work, but because of missing assignments. She refuses to turn in her assignments. This was a problem last semester and she made an effort to correct the issue, but she’s fallen back into her old bad habits.

Before TG break we checked the portal and nothing was missing; we would have had her work on it over break. Today I look and she’s missing nearly every assignment and is currently failing the class.

I don’t know what to do that will WORK! Please help! What worked for you? What do you think will work for me?

Can you try again to explain clearly what's happening?
I know it's difficult because Canvas and Synergy are hot garbage, but we can't log in an investigate your account, so you need to find the info and lay it out.

How can nothing be missing before the weekend, and nearly everything missing immediately afterward?

[Anonymous]

I have ADHD (diagnosed as an adult since inattentive girls were overlooked in the 80s and 90s) and this was always an issue for me. It’s like this weird final barrier even when I do the work to turn it in. I’ve gotten better and developed coping mechanisms since this doesn’t fly in the corporate world, but to me, this sounds like a classic sign of ADHD.

My daughter has the same executive function challenges, and in middle school this really started to come to a head. We worked together with her teachers, created reminders at home, logged in weekly together to see what assignments were due and past due, then either planned how to complete and turn them in or just plain turn them in since 75% of the time they were complete or almost complete. It was a struggle, she hated the weekly accountability with me at first, we hired a tutor that she hated more, so we went back to it being me. But eventually as we got a grip on her work and this removed stress from her life and she felt in control, it improved tremendously. Now she’s in HS and it’s no longer an issue and she’s developed the skills to plan out her work.

[Anonymous]

Agree with those suggesting ADHD (our child was not diagnosed until MS, but in hindsight, it was clear much earlier). To save your relationship, and fix the schoolwork problem, hire an Executive Function tutor/coach.

The EF tutor will teach her organizing strategies, and set deadlines that she will meet. It takes time and money, and, is 1000% worth it.

To find an EF tutor, ask her school counselors, ask on your school list serv, ask on other list servs (NextDoor or neighborhood list serve), even ask your friends. You might be surprised at who you know has one, either for the kid your friend is friends with, or for an older sibling. Not cheap and not covered by insurance, and still worth it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m at the end of my rope with DD13, who is currently failing her ELA class, not due to an inability to understand the work, but because of missing assignments. She refuses to turn in her assignments. This was a problem last semester and she made an effort to correct the issue, but she’s fallen back into her old bad habits.

Before TG break we checked the portal and nothing was missing; we would have had her work on it over break. Today I look and she’s missing nearly every assignment and is currently failing the class.

I don’t know what to do that will WORK! Please help! What worked for you? What do you think will work for me?

Can you try again to explain clearly what's happening?
I know it's difficult because Canvas and Synergy are hot garbage, but we can't log in an investigate your account, so you need to find the info and lay it out.

How can nothing be missing before the weekend, and nearly everything missing immediately afterward?

Not the PP, but I’ve seen this happen. Teachers set up an assignment in Synergy, and it’s like a container: exit ticket from class on 11/20, worth 20 points, weighted 90%. But they grade the assignments over in Canvas, where they were originally submitted.

Until the teacher grades a student’s assignment and syncs the Canvas grades over to Synergy, that dummy “container” remains empty during the grading process. It’s basically a placeholder. Sometimes the student can tell from Canvas that they’ve turned it in, but it depends on how the assignment was submitted.

But since MCPS is still currently giving 50% for missing assignments, a zero tells you that the empty container is empty because the teacher is still grading and/or attempting to sync the Canvas grades. Once they’ve finished grading everything they have in hand and completed the sync, that zero for the 20-point exit ticket should turn into a 10/20 if it’s still missing at that point.

So yeah, hot garbage.

[Anonymous]

OP, I suggest you dig deeper on this.
- Is this about "refusal" and a power struggle?
- Is this a matter of distraction / forgetfulness or something like that?
- Is this a matter of disorganization and not tracking.

If you think it might be one of the latter 2, I suggest you consider testing. THere might be ADHD or executive function issues as play. Challenges in these areas sometimes look like "laziness" or "poor follow-through". Many bright kids with these issues slip under the radar until middle school. Please consider looking at this, and come over to the special needs forum for support!

[Anonymous]

As someone with ADHD, I don’t understand those who think this is ADHD. It’s happening in one class only? I know my ADHD affects literally every aspect of my life, not just one.

This is either something class specific, or somehow defiant. I’m not getting ADHD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What was she like in elementary school? Was she under your careful supervision as far as turning in work then?

She wasn’t. She didn’t have much homework, and I guess the teachers themselves were diligent about them turning in work.

That’s the problem. She wasn’t used to doing it in Elementary so never learned how. Good habits weren’t built at home before middle school like they should have been. Unfortunately, you’re going to have to start helping develop good habits now before high school. It will take work on your end but I think you can do it. Establish a work zone at the kitchen table and have her do the work under your supervision to show you it’s done. Create a weekly calendar and bullet point assignments. Every day ask her what’s due and when. And no phone time until after work is completed.

[Anonymous]

Sit with her and watch her click the button that turns it in. She won't like it--it's embarrassing and controlling--and explain to her that you will be RIGHT THERE for every single assignment, every single evening, until she can do it on her own without your oversight.

Trust me, this works. Ask me how I know!!

[Anonymous]

This is classic ADHD. It also hurts when people constantly call you "lazy". You're definitely not, but I know that's how it can appear. My dad still can't understand my uncle isn't lazy when he doesn't call to schedule an appointment.

I would work with her to create a check list of what she needs to do every evening. Breaking things down into smaller lists tends to make it feel less overwhelming. Does your DD have an ADHD diagnosis? IEP or 508?

[Anonymous]

Op, what have you done with regards to discipline?

[Anonymous]

Do not hound her about the assignments. Let her fail the class, then punish her as appropriate for the failing grade with privileges lost until the next report card showing a passing grade. But no nagging next quarter, either.

This is the time to have her experience the full consequences of this behavior. Now is when you can take a giant step backwards safely because these grades now won't affect her college applications.

This sounds harsh, but if you don't let her fail now, you're going to be dragging her through high school, frustrating both of you and making for a very difficult relationship. Ask me how I know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do not hound her about the assignments. Let her fail the class, then punish her as appropriate for the failing grade with privileges lost until the next report card showing a passing grade. But no nagging next quarter, either.

This is the time to have her experience the full consequences of this behavior. Now is when you can take a giant step backwards safely because these grades now won't affect her college applications.

This sounds harsh, but if you don't let her fail now, you're going to be dragging her through high school, frustrating both of you and making for a very difficult relationship. Ask me how I know.

Depending on why homework is not getting turned in, taking a giant step back without additional support might end up being a disaster with no lesson learned. I’m one of the PP who said executive function coach might be helpful. After we got one for DC, we stopped our nagging. But without that support (just a weekly check in), I don’t think anything would have changed.

[Anonymous]

First - this scenario is actually part of the learning process. Learning how to manage homework is the subject. It is not simple.

Second - talk to your kid about their actual school day. What do they do when they first arrive? Do they immediately go to their locker? Where is their locker in relation to their first couple of classes? Do the think it better to go directly to class? Do they have gym where they dump stuff in a different locker? Walk through the actual process.

I would suggest coming in after school (make an appointment so the school knows what’s up.) and physically do the walks between classes and lockers.

What we ultimately found is that our kids often did not have time to get from point A to point B with a locker stop in between. Remember Halls would be crowded and socializing is going on too.

One big help was to set up their backpack dividing the day. And, making sure they arrived at the building with enough time to get to their locker and then their first class. They would get to school and go to their locker. They would dump off all their stuff for after lunch classes. They would keep all the stuff for all their morning classes. No going to and from locker between classes. Homework was organized by class with before lunch and after lunch.

Usually the kids would go directly to lunch after the last class so they kept their lunch with the morning stuff. The issue was they had to go back to their locker after lunch so they got their afternoon stuff. You could set a vibrate alarm on their phone for the time with say 7 minutes before the class after lunch started.