Help! DD will not turn in assignments!

[Anonymous]

I don’t know what it is but my DS13 is the same.
It’s getting a bit better now. I sternly talk to him if he gets bad grades because of forgetting.
He does worst with teachers who have quirky systems of turning in work. For some reason he “didn’t know” he was supposed to bring the sheets home instead of just putting them in his class binder for later. It took me figuring it out and explaining to him. The teacher in that class is a bit intimidating imo.
So I think it’s a combo of a difficult teacher and a somewhat scatter brained and shy teenager.
He also keeps telling me how grades before HS don’t really matter. I tell him that they matter to me and my mood depends on his grades so he better get to work.

[Anonymous]

Same here with very bright (but not great at math) 6th grader. Got a c+ last quarter and so far a bunch of 50s in the class this quarter- stuff she hasn’t turned in or things the teacher misplaced and hasnt re recorded. Ugh.

[Anonymous]

I don’t have any suggestions, but since you mentioned that the portal showed she had no missing assignments before the break, but now shows numerous missing assignments, I thought I’d ask if she’s in MCPS. If so, looking in ParentVue doesn’t give you an up-to-date snapshot of how your dc is doing; ParentVue only shows assignments that have been graded and then entered into the grade book. To figure out what’s due and when, you need to log into Canvas and check her To Do list. Even that’s not perfect because assignments handed in on paper will show as missing because they aren’t submitted via Canvas…but it’s still the most accurate reflection of what’s missing.

Your dd probably had missing assignments before break, but the teacher graded assignments over break, and that’s when the system started showing them as missing.

[Anonymous]

You only mention the ELA class. The red flag to me was that everything showed up as submitted and then everything showed up as missing and an F a week later.

I’m a teacher but also a parent of two teens. One has ADHD and one does not. Both have difficulty managing assignments with teachers who are not organized with their assignments or their grading. Right now, my 13 yo without ADHD, has two classes where grades bounce all over because things are graded months late, not collected and then marked late, she didn’t realize they were supposed to be turned in and swears they weren’t collected…. None of these issues are in the other classes.

[Anonymous]

^I am also not really concerned. It’s middle school and this is the time for her to learn how to manage without me interfering too much, before high school. I give a reminder or send a screenshot once per week but that’s it.

[Anonymous]

Let her fail and experience the consequences. Now is really the time for that.

Ignore the person asking about the phone. Parents who reflexively take a phone as punishment for things are lazy and bad parents generally.

[Anonymous]

Does her school use rolling grade book and allow late assignments?

This is what is driving me crazy with my son. He is generally good about turning assignments in on time, but once in a while he'll decide he just doesn't feel like it. And there are ZERO consequences from the teachers. They accept assignments late with no penalties! This is some sort of school-wide policy at our FCPS middle school. It drives me bananas because he's figured out it just doesn't matter as long as he gets them in within a few weeks of the due date.

We have made it clear that it's not an acceptable practice in our family and it sets up terrible life long habits, but it's hard to keep up with because we don't see if he's missing assignments til after the fact. And, really, who wouldn't take advantage of this? If my work had soft deadlines, I'd probably take advantage too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does her school use rolling grade book and allow late assignments?

This is what is driving me crazy with my son. He is generally good about turning assignments in on time, but once in a while he'll decide he just doesn't feel like it. And there are ZERO consequences from the teachers. They accept assignments late with no penalties! This is some sort of school-wide policy at our FCPS middle school. It drives me bananas because he's figured out it just doesn't matter as long as he gets them in within a few weeks of the due date.

We have made it clear that it's not an acceptable practice in our family and it sets up terrible life long habits, but it's hard to keep up with because we don't see if he's missing assignments til after the fact. And, really, who wouldn't take advantage of this? If my work had soft deadlines, I'd probably take advantage too.

This is exactly how it is going at our house – because there are no consequences, my son thinks we are being ridiculous and rigid with our expectations that things get turned in on time.

I understand that a late paper isn’t truly the end of the world, but it is just setting them up for failure and unrealistic expectations later.

Similarly, it is almost impossible for me, as a parent, to help my kid plan better because nothing is entered in the system until it is missing.

[Anonymous]

I switched my kid to Catholic school partly due to all of these lax rules. It was horrible for him that he was allowed to turn in work without penalties up until the last week in the grading period, even if it was due weeks before.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry OP. My brother was like this, willfully defiant against authority (his teachers). Would physically do the homework (on paper) but refused to turn it in. Reasoning made absolutely NO sense. He didn’t care if he failed, because to him he was smarter than everyone else.

Eventually he was getting so many Fs the mainstream public school kicked him out to the alternative school which seemed to have looser rules. My parents refused to accept that there was neuropsychiatric issues going on and seemed helpless to get it figured out.

I wouldn’t let this go. I would not allow phone time, video games, friend time, etc until all homework done and submitted and done in a public place like the kitchen so you can be shown proof, on her computer, that it’s been submitted. Trust is earned and she has to earn back the right not to have you review the work. This is going to punish you too OP, I get that, and I’ve been there, but it’s necessary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let her fail and experience the consequences. Now is really the time for that.

Ignore the person asking about the phone. Parents who reflexively take a phone as punishment for things are lazy and bad parents generally.

Opposite. Parents who sit back and let their kids fail are the lazy ones. OPs child likely isn’t going to cry over a failed class. If that thought bothered her, she would be turning in her assignments. Sometimes kids need help with executive function and managing their assignments. It is your job as a parent to help them, but just let them fail. Getting Fs in middle school means there is both a lack of content being learned and a lack of organization/study skills. Not a good way to go into high school.

[Anonymous]

Make her do the work at home then walk her into class each morning and make sure it gets turned in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does she have a phone?

She does.

She shouldn’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Make her do the work at home then walk her into class each morning and make sure it gets turned in.

Do you have kids? It doesn’t work like this anymore.

[Anonymous]

Similar issues here and it really hit hard once DC entered high school. There were penalties for late assignments and the study skills were lacking so the tests were poor too.
Some of the suggestions above- doing work at kitchen table etc- are in the book That Crumpled Paper Was Due Last Week. I found the book really helpful.
The other thing that works for us is an executive functioning coach. DC has really improved since starting with the EF coach.