Is this normal for a date night babysitter?

[Anonymous]

That is super weird and I have never heard of it. I have done a lot of babysitting and find it excruciating when the parents insist on lingering when kids are upset. Once they leave the kids are fine in minutes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should have paid her for her time. I don't think its unreasonable if they would not settle.

NP—
But they likely wouldn’t settle bc mom stayed and stayed and stayed.

Mom and dad should have left (but then just driven down the block to wait out the fifteen minutes to see if they would settle without mom and dad there.
OP didn’t need to go straight to the restaurant. What would have been the harm in just disappearing (but not for the duration) to see what would happen.
I feel bad for OP and for babysitter but both were so focused on the extremes (leave and go to dinner OR call off the whole date night) when it’s not really that hard to figure out an Option C.

No, she should have done a paid visit for an hour or two a few times before she was left alone with them. She was a stranger, of course they'd be upset.

[Anonymous]

Nanny here - That’s totally bizarre. I wouldn’t have a job if that was my policy! Sounds super unprofessional, a good nanny should know how to distract and console upset children. I’ve been with the same family for years and last week the 6 year old (out of nowhere) started crying when her dad left the house. Imagine if I told my boss I was leaving to go home lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Babysitter is weird

Parents had ridiculous expectations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nanny here - That’s totally bizarre. I wouldn’t have a job if that was my policy! Sounds super unprofessional, a good nanny should know how to distract and console upset children. I’ve been with the same family for years and last week the 6 year old (out of nowhere) started crying when her dad left the house. Imagine if I told my boss I was leaving to go home lol

You’ve been w the same family for years — Obviously the scenario you presented is completely different than the first-time random sitter hired for 3 screaming toddlers who have only been cared for family.

[Anonymous]

I used to babysit a lot and by the time I was 14 completely comfortable with kids crying when parents were leaving. Within five minutes MAX I had everyone distracted and happy again.

OP you should have had them already in bed asleep before you left though. Our youngest is 3.5 and goes to bed at 7 or 7:30 at the absolute latest. You needed 8pm reservations. At the very least, the two youngest should have been in bed.Then it'd be max one kid crying.

[Anonymous]

I’ve never heard of a policy like this. It definitely seems like something that should be brought up ahead of time. In any case, I agree with posters who warn against long, drawn out goodbyes. They do more harm than good

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nanny here - That’s totally bizarre. I wouldn’t have a job if that was my policy! Sounds super unprofessional, a good nanny should know how to distract and console upset children. I’ve been with the same family for years and last week the 6 year old (out of nowhere) started crying when her dad left the house. Imagine if I told my boss I was leaving to go home lol

You’ve been w the same family for years — Obviously the scenario you presented is completely different than the first-time random sitter hired for 3 screaming toddlers who have only been cared for family.

Umm no, I have many years of experience and also work with an agency to babysit at hotels for families coming to town on holiday. Ideally you could have done a trial, but this is nothing new and this nanny sounds very inexperienced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That is super weird and I have never heard of it. I have done a lot of babysitting and find it excruciating when the parents insist on lingering when kids are upset. Once they leave the kids are fine in minutes.

+1 very experienced babysitter and preschool teacher with a background in child development. It’s so much easier once the parents leave. Also, her whole policy goes against everything we know about child development. All children are going to get upset or feel uncomfortable when their parents leave them with someone for the first time, especially preschool aged and younger. By making you stay when they got upset, she reinforced the idea that they were only safe with their parent(s). And that if they don’t want their parents to leave, they just have to cry long and hard enough.

I’m going to assume this woman has never watched/interacted much with kids younger than 5.

[Anonymous]

It's surprising, but I would have never left my kids in that situation because I know they would act that way. You should have put them all to bed first or at least 1-2 of them.

[Anonymous]

At the end of the day, who cares if it's a weird or bad policy? The important thing is that someone who felt uncomfortable/unequipped to handle three crying small children that she doesn't know spoke up about it and declined. It'd be worse if she didn't say anything, you left, and she spiraled. Three crying kids of varying small ages is a lot for someone, especially someone who doesn't have a relationship with kids yet. I'm actually surprised you didn't do a trial run. We have had our 3 babysitters for 3-5 years each and always transitioned them in with our little kids.

[Anonymous]

Who would leave three infants aged 11 months, 2 years, and 3.5 years old with a total stranger ?

Should have a relative stay with the kids & the babysitter.

[Anonymous]

While I understand the frustration of cancelling your plans, I think you inadvertendly set the stage for the situation to play out like it did. At those ages, if your kids had never stayed with anyone other than their parents before, it's not surprising that they would freak out. We saw that dynamic when our kids (who had been in daycare since infancy) had no problem with new babysitters or starting on their first day of school. In contrast kids who had never been away from close family were inconsolable again and again. Agree they might have calmed down after you left, but who knows, and by staying awhile, I think they got the impression they could get you stay, and were so ramped up that the babysitter made a reasonable judgment call to pull the plug. Also agree that it likely could have been totally avoided with a trial run. Unless you have an alternative and are otherwise willing to try her again, I think you could call her and set up a meet and greet, and she could end up working out great for a long time. Good babysitters are hard to find -- we treasured every one we ever had.

[Anonymous]

Three kids crying for 30 minutes and the mother couldn't get them to stop. I don't blame her.

[Anonymous]

No way, that's ridiculous. My teen would never say that. She's been left with crying kids and it always turns out fine. A good babysitter knows that it's usually temporary. The babysitter should list her "policies" ahead of time. She sounds lazy. I would find someone else for next time.