What is my daughter looking for when she tells me this?

[Anonymous]

Any other changes? Does she dress androgynously? Is she wrapping her chest? Trying to tell you she is gender fluid?

[Anonymous]

It's a trend in their generation

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Any other changes? Does she dress androgynously? Is she wrapping her chest? Trying to tell you she is gender fluid?

No, no. She's very much a girl (woman?). She wears makeup and skirts and has a boyfriend who's very male.

[Anonymous]

The first time she mentioned it, I’d say tell her that her underwear, her decision and she looks fine.

The next time, I’d just ask in a nonjudgmental way why she keeps bringing it up. Sometimes the simplest solution really is the best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:FYI, for some unknown reason when I was her age I also went braless. I'm relatively flat, so it hardly mattered, but it was noticeable. I think I was showing that I am not bound by custom, or something. I cringe now. I had to look ridiculous.

Same except I was not relatively flat and it was definitely noticeable and ridiculous. Cringe indeed.

[Anonymous]

This is a big trend with young women in Paris.

Oh La La!

[Anonymous]

You look great! Is what you should say.

[Anonymous]

This sounds like a landmine situation.

I would just say: You always look great to me. On repeat.

I am guessing you don't think it looks great and in some way she has felt judged. So is saying something preemptively. That said, I am totally guessing.

But it is weird that she keeps saying it.

Definitely don't do this one. I too thought that was the right thing to say (my daughter's issue was her tattoos) and I was then angrily told that I was being "condescending". I think the PP who advised to just gently inquire as to why she feels the need to announce her state of brainlessness has it right. Though I also think that it may be that the DD is just young and immature and insecure about her own choice of whether or not to wear a bra. If she was secure in herself and her choices, she wouldn't feel the need to announce it.

[Anonymous]

"braless-ness" not brainlessness . . . stupid autocorrect

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She is 20, almost 21. In HS she wore bras. I think she had three? Covid happened during the last two years of HS, and at some point during that she stopped wearing bras. She always wears multiple layers and/or a thick shirt. She has a small frame, it's her body, I don't care. But almost every time I see her, she tells me she's not wearing a bra. A couple of times I have offered to take her to get one/some, and she always says no. I suggested a bralette, which is much looser than a bra and she doesn't want it. But she keeps telling me she's not wearing a bra every time we get together. What response does she want from me? I could knock your eye out if I turn too fast with how huge my boobs are so always wear a bra. Does she want me to say "I wish I could be like you and not wear one"? I've said "okay", offered to buy her one, nodded. I don't know what response she wants. Any ideas?

When my young adult daughter went through this phase, we turned the tables and told her 'your father and I are nudists' so don't mind us if you see us practicing nudism in our home and pool. Ironically, the subject was never discussed, but she did join us by the pool topless this summer.