What is my daughter looking for when she tells me this?
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Anonymous
| She is 20, almost 21. In HS she wore bras. I think she had three? Covid happened during the last two years of HS, and at some point during that she stopped wearing bras. She always wears multiple layers and/or a thick shirt. She has a small frame, it's her body, I don't care. But almost every time I see her, she tells me she's not wearing a bra. A couple of times I have offered to take her to get one/some, and she always says no. I suggested a bralette, which is much looser than a bra and she doesn't want it. But she keeps telling me she's not wearing a bra every time we get together. What response does she want from me? I could knock your eye out if I turn too fast with how huge my boobs are so always wear a bra. Does she want me to say "I wish I could be like you and not wear one"? I've said "okay", offered to buy her one, nodded. I don't know what response she wants. Any ideas? |
Anonymous
| Did you give her a hard time about it? Maybe she's preemptively bringing it up before you notice and comment. |
Anonymous
| She is making a roundabout comment in the differences in your bodies. You have boobs; she does not. Pluses and minuses to both. She may be trying to open the door to a deeper conversation with her mother about these issues |
Anonymous
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Why don’t you ask her?
She may not even know it herself and it might prompt her to analyze her motives a little |
Anonymous
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What do you just say "I've noticed you mentioned that a few times. Is there a particular response you are looking for?"
I'd probably just say, "jealous" or "happy for you." |
Anonymous
This. There's no way for us to know. Learn to communicate with your daughter. This is a bit strange, but I have no context of your relationship. She's an adult but still quite young -- you guys are still trying to sort out how your relationship works now that she's not a child anymore, and she may still have some social development. |
Anonymous
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"I've noticed every time we meet you mention you're not wearing a bra. Why is that?"
And go from there. Maybe she's trying to get a rise out of you (immature), or maybe she's proud of it (immature), or maybe she doesn't even realize she's doing it and she's just trying to start a conversation (lack of self-awareness and propriety). I can't think of an explanation that would reflect well on your daughter, but... she's young and has time to grow up. Youth is for learning from your mistakes. Once you've heard her explanation, you might make a little joke about not starting every conversation with "I'm not wearing a bra!". My kids and I have a strong bond and we like to tease each other, and I can promise you I'd make that sentence into a running joke in my house... |
Anonymous
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This sounds like a landmine situation.
I would just say: You always look great to me. On repeat. I am guessing you don't think it looks great and in some way she has felt judged. So is saying something preemptively. That said, I am totally guessing. But it is weird that she keeps saying it. |
Anonymous
| are you looking @ her boobs? |
Anonymous
Nope. I have always been all "you do what works for you" about her clothes and makeup. |
Anonymous
Because if I ask her she'll take that to mean she should stop bringing it up but won't tell me whatever the reason is she DOES mention it. |
Anonymous
Not since she was about 13 and wanted to show me something. |
Anonymous
| I’d just say okay and move on. It sounds like she’s trying to shock you. |
Anonymous
| Yep, just a standard you look great response and move on. Eventually she should stop. |
Anonymous
| FYI, for some unknown reason when I was her age I also went braless. I'm relatively flat, so it hardly mattered, but it was noticeable. I think I was showing that I am not bound by custom, or something. I cringe now. I had to look ridiculous. |