Am I a horrible daughter for not rescuing my mother?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it were my mom, I would help her.

It got to a point where my dad was unable to drive himself. He used to call me the morning of, asking me to take him to his doctor's appointment that day. I'd fuss at him and tell him he needed to tell me in advance, but I'd still call my boss and explain why I needed to take half a day off. He also had a wife (not my mother) who could easily drive him. At that time, I had two small kids and worked full-time.

I know doctor appts are different from needing help moving, but it wouldn't have mattered. He's gone now, and I don't regret going out of my way, no matter how annoyed or irritated I was at that time. I actually look back and laugh at his antics.

How often did he do this? Did you manage to keep your job? Or use FMLA?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it were my mom, I would help her.

It got to a point where my dad was unable to drive himself. He used to call me the morning of, asking me to take him to his doctor's appointment that day. I'd fuss at him and tell him he needed to tell me in advance, but I'd still call my boss and explain why I needed to take half a day off. He also had a wife (not my mother) who could easily drive him. At that time, I had two small kids and worked full-time.

I know doctor appts are different from needing help moving, but it wouldn't have mattered. He's gone now, and I don't regret going out of my way, no matter how annoyed or irritated I was at that time. I actually look back and laugh at his antics.

Do you not see how your situation is different than OPs? OPs mom is claiming she needs to leave immediately and it sounds like a whole mess of drama, not something medical related that you were stepping in to help with.

[Anonymous]

NO, OF COURSE YOU DON'T HELP HER.

[Anonymous]

Let's take the parent-child factor out of it.

How many of you would jump to help another adult who has the means to pay for a move to pack and move house?

[Anonymous]

Your mother is an adult, correct? Is she still legally of right mind and body?

If yes and yes are your answers, then she doesn’t need rescuing.

No, you are not a ‘bad daughter’ for acting like an adult and minding your own business.

I highly recommend the book Codependent No More by Melody Beattie.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let's take the parent-child factor out of it.

How many of you would jump to help another adult who has the means to pay for a move to pack and move house?

None of us would for someone who isn't family, but we do all kinds of things for family we wouldn't do for other people. What a silly thought experiment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it were my mom, I would help her.

It got to a point where my dad was unable to drive himself. He used to call me the morning of, asking me to take him to his doctor's appointment that day. I'd fuss at him and tell him he needed to tell me in advance, but I'd still call my boss and explain why I needed to take half a day off. He also had a wife (not my mother) who could easily drive him. At that time, I had two small kids and worked full-time.

I know doctor appts are different from needing help moving, but it wouldn't have mattered. He's gone now, and I don't regret going out of my way, no matter how annoyed or irritated I was at that time. I actually look back and laugh at his antics.

You sound like a lemming.

[Anonymous]

Good job to you for finally creating healthy boundaries.

You go girl!

[Anonymous]

I would offer to help her when it’s more convenient for you in a couple weeks or a month. Her lack of taking into account your schedule and assumption you’ll drop everything suggests you need to clarify or create some boundaries with her asap.