Am I a horrible daughter for not rescuing my mother?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Go help your mom. Come on.

I’m tired of it. When is enough enough? When should she have to deal with the consequences of her poor choices? I can’t keep doing this!

It's your decision but to answer your question, yes, I do think you are a horrible daughter.

I’m sure OP is broken hearted that you think that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are companies that can pack and move.
She needs to own her choices

Yep. Stick to your position OP.

Caving to her demands will make her do this to you again.

[Anonymous]

No, you are not horrible. She sounds ridiculous. I would not help her either.

Nobody has time for self imposed drama from a parent that is cognitively sound and has plenty of money to handle the problem.

[Anonymous]

Why *should* you help her in this case? She can afford to get herself out of this predicament. You have your own life. And especially because this crap has happened many, many times before (yes?), it's reasonable to set and maintain limits. That doesn't mean doing so will feel great initially, but what's the alternative? You live your entire life in service to someone capable of caring for themselves but would rather not? Hard pass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, you are not horrible. She sounds ridiculous. I would not help her either.

Nobody has time for self imposed drama from a parent that is cognitively sound and has plenty of money to handle the problem.

Self imposed drama. This. It’s not as though she had a flood/fire/tree fall on her house and she needs to leave because of the emergency, or even a planned and coordinated end of lease. This is a second home that she suddenly decided to vacate. This is not an emergency.

[Anonymous]

You are not horrible. Based on the thread title, I thought this was going to be about paying off debt or something. You cannot do this on such short notice.

Does she know who to call? You may want to Google moving companies for her. It sounds simple but my elderly parent would need help with this. Or does she need boxes packed and shipped? Send her to task rabbit or something similar. It will get done since she can pay for it. But you do not need to physically be there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Go help your mom. Come on.

I’m tired of it. When is enough enough? When should she have to deal with the consequences of her poor choices? I can’t keep doing this!

It's your decision but to answer your question, yes, I do think you are a horrible daughter.

Oh come on. I think most people on DCUM are horrible to their families but OP is not one of them, unless is there missing information.

Like, if the mom is dealing with mold or threats to her safety then absolutely OP should help her get out ASAP.

However, if she is simply hyper-impulsive and picked the date to convenience herself rather than accommodate her daughter who presumably has many more responsibilities, then she should not be enabled in that ridiculousness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mom has a house and also leased a second home (furnished apartment.)

I'd recommend she hire 2 men and a truck.

She can get moved for around $500-$600 if the furnishings stay at the furnished apartment.

So true. This is a cheap and easy move because no furniture. If she'd put any forethought into it herself, she could probably have just moved herself in her car over a few weekends. If she'd done that, she could even have asked you to help one of those weekends for a few hours to get the bulkiest items.

Or she could have just hired someone to do it all at once for less than a thousand dollars.

The idea that you owe her to take time off from work during a stressful period is absurd. Nope. Say no and no guilt. She'll figure it out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are not horrible. Based on the thread title, I thought this was going to be about paying off debt or something. You cannot do this on such short notice.

Does she know who to call? You may want to Google moving companies for her. It sounds simple but my elderly parent would need help with this. Or does she need boxes packed and shipped? Send her to task rabbit or something similar. It will get done since she can pay for it. But you do not need to physically be there.

If OP’s mom can make and break short-term rental leases on her own, then surely she can find moving companies. OP should not stress herself out trying to help her. Heck my retired parents help ME out by googling service providers in the area and scheduling estimates because it is a low-effort thing that they want to take off my plate since they see how busy I am.

[Anonymous]

I don't think you're horrible and also think this is where you can offer reasonable alternatives as others have pointed out. No, you're not able to drop everything and physically move her, but you could help her identify some moving companies, figure out how to manage this herself on a slower timeline, address whatever issue(s) has arisen at the current apartment, etc. It's not an emergency and so there's no reason for the only solution be for you to drop everything and do this.

[Anonymous]

NO! You are not a horrible daughter. If she has money to throw at it, she can hire movers.

I wouldn't uproot my life on a few days notice either.

[Anonymous]

Assuming she can afford it (with two homes I would assume so) I would help her find someone to pack/move and say that that is all the help I can offer this weekend. See you at Thanksgiving!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are companies that can pack and move.
She needs to own her choices

This. Adults use moving companies.

[Anonymous]

If it were my mom, I would help her.

It got to a point where my dad was unable to drive himself. He used to call me the morning of, asking me to take him to his doctor's appointment that day. I'd fuss at him and tell him he needed to tell me in advance, but I'd still call my boss and explain why I needed to take half a day off. He also had a wife (not my mother) who could easily drive him. At that time, I had two small kids and worked full-time.

I know doctor appts are different from needing help moving, but it wouldn't have mattered. He's gone now, and I don't regret going out of my way, no matter how annoyed or irritated I was at that time. I actually look back and laugh at his antics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Go help your mom. Come on.

I’m tired of it. When is enough enough? When should she have to deal with the consequences of her poor choices? I can’t keep doing this!

Then what exactly are you looking for here? You've made up your mind already.