Picky eaters and Thanksgiving (and holidays generally)

[Anonymous]

My only concern about making her a bigger and different breakfast is that you said you’re at your in-laws. You need to make sure you’re not taking up time in the kitchen preparing the special breakfast if your MIL needs to prepare and cook the Thanksgiving meal. Thanksgiving is usually a day people want everyone else out of the kitchen.

Can you bring yogurt so you just have to grab it from the fridge? Or make her a pbj ahead of time to eat at dinner?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid was similar - took him until 13 or so before he actually liked any of the Thanksgiving food. One of his favorite foods is now mashed potatoes and gravy, but he wouldn’t touch it for years.

Just let it go. Let her eat whatever she wants from the table, even if it’s nothing but rolls. Don’t mention it, don’t try to get her to try anything, don’t even thing about it. Let it go and enjoy your own meal. There are days to work on picky eating, but Turkey Day doesn’t need to be that day.

OP here. What if she won't eat anything at all but is very hungry? This is what I'm worried about. That she will eat a roll but not want anything else, but be starting and frustrated because everyone else is sitting down for a lengthy, big meal. This is basically what happened last year and she wound up going and coloring in another room after someone made her a PB&J because she didn't want to eat 5 dinner rolls and eating just one didn't fill her up at all. It was a solution, but not ideal.

The kid is 6, show her where some other things she can eat are and let her get them herself. Stop catering to this, she can make pb&j or get her own yogurt and granola or fruit.

JFC. She's SIX. You would really expect your first grader to make her own PB&J at someone else's house? Do you even have children?

OP, I would ask her what she wants to have for Thanksgiving dinner and then try to make that happen. If she says she doesn't want to eat any of the things that are available, I would have some butter noodles or PB&J or whatever in a lunchbox that she can either take into another room like last year or you can transfer to her plate at the table so she can eat with everyone else. The only thing that sounds non-ideal about what happened last year was that you didn't plan for it.

OP here, and thanks, maybe just asking her what she wants to eat is where I should start. It also just occurred to me that she loves dessert breads including pumpkin bread, and I could probably bring a loaf of that and serve it to her with cream cheese and some fruit, and the bread is somethin others would eat as well. Yes it's basically a dessert for dinner, but it's a holiday and to be honest, homemade pumpkin bread with cream cheese likely has more actual nutrients in it than dinner rolls.

[Anonymous]

Condiments often make the difference. Honey mustard dressing with small bites of turkey. Ranch dressing with fresh carrots or broccoli. If this won’t work,what foods do you typically serve for lunch/dinner?

[Anonymous]

BTDT parent. My strategy was your number 1. I spent so much of my life on making sure things were good for my picky eater. I figured that it was fine for me to just not worry about it on a day when food is celebrated.

[Anonymous]

If there's a side dish that kind of goes with the meal you know she will eat then I would make that. If not, then they can just eat rolls. I don't do special meals or plates. I would let your ILs know that your kid won't eat much of the other items, just so they know how much to make.

For what its worth my 11 YO (who I would not normally classify as a picky eater) really hates thanksgiving food. They will only eat sweet potato casserole and rolls. So that's what they eaten for the past few years. More stuffing and gravy for me!

[Anonymous]

I cater, and I don't see what the big deal was. Mine would eat mac and cheese or something and I'd just make that. But, if we were at sometimes house, feed ahead of time or what ever. Its not worth the power struggle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My only concern about making her a bigger and different breakfast is that you said you’re at your in-laws. You need to make sure you’re not taking up time in the kitchen preparing the special breakfast if your MIL needs to prepare and cook the Thanksgiving meal. Thanksgiving is usually a day people want everyone else out of the kitchen.

Can you bring yogurt so you just have to grab it from the fridge? Or make her a pbj ahead of time to eat at dinner?

OP here. Agree this is an issue, though the breakfast I would make is actually not that big -- it's a standard breakfast I make for her on weekdays and something I can prepare in 10-15 minutes and clean up very quickly. One bowl and pan for the pancakes (which I would make from a protein enriched mix I'd bring and just add milk and egg to) and then I'd bring our mini blender for the smoothie and it would just need to be quickly rinsed out with dishsoap and water. So not a huge imposition and there aren't that many people coming to dinner -- I don't think my MIL would mind sharing the kitchen for 10-20 minutes at 7:30am if it means her granddaughter is well fed and happy.

The more I think about it, the more I think the big breakfast will be key, and then I need to worry less about the meal itself. I think last year we were caught off guard because the pickiness was a known issue but had recently gotten worse, and we were caught off guard by the fact that she wouldn't eat mashed potatoes or carrots, both foods she'd previously been okay with. So I just don't want to make the same mistake again because I was definitely scrambling a bit last time and it felt disruptive of both my holiday and hers.

[Anonymous]

I would do your 2nd option if you can. I’d be ok with my kid just eating rolls but if you can make a nutritious filling dish to share that you know she likes that’s ok. Doesn’t have to be traditional Thanksgiving.
My kid is not super picky but doesn’t like green bean casserole or sweet potatoes. I bring a small bowl of broccoli as her veg when we go to the in laws

[Anonymous]

Thanksgiving food sucks. My aunt always made stuffed shells for the picky/non meat eaters. That's a nice memory. So make the rice and lentils and have that become your tradition. The pumpkin bread too. And bring some extra yogurts and whatever little snacks she eats.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What about a side of homemade Mac & cheese? Would she eat that?

At 6, she's old enough to grab her own yogurt and granola. I would start empowering her to get her own "picky" meals.

Sadly, no. She will eat boxed Mac and cheese and she'll eat pasta with a butter sauce and lots of parmesan, but a typical homemade Mac and cheese casserole, she won't touch. She has a pretty strong aversion to anything casserole-esque, which is something that makes Thanksgiving extra hard because so much of the food is baked and saucey.

No big deal. She can eat yogurt with the dinner rolls. Skip the granola. She can spread the yogurt on the dinner rolls. But honestly, let her help herself and handle this herself.

Who spreads yogurt on dinner rolls?? This is an odd suggestion.

[Anonymous]

Gotta ask: why is Spanish rice off limits for bringing to thanksgiving dinner? I always bring something my kids will eat for holidays as my contribution — they might try other stuff or not but they’ll get something reasonably balanced. A good flavourful Rice side would go well with turkey and gravy and if she eats beans, those would be good for protein and would fit in well. For sure bring pumpkin bread with cream cheese (frosting if you want) for dessert.

[Anonymous]

Don’t make her a whole separate dinner for Thanksgiving. That’s obnoxious for everyone else to see and is setting a bad example for your daughter, undermining her independent ability to eat what’s served to the whole family at literally the most important meal of the year for most families. The side dish idea is fine. So is her chosing to eat only rolls. Feed her a normal breakfast and ignore her food choices as much as possible at dinner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What about a side of homemade Mac & cheese? Would she eat that?

At 6, she's old enough to grab her own yogurt and granola. I would start empowering her to get her own "picky" meals.

She’s also old enough to learn it would be VERY rude to serve yourself a bowl of yogurt and granola at *thanksgiving* at the table. If she’s still hungry after dinner than sure. But not at the table.

[Anonymous]

My kid is the same. Right down to the mac and cheese and it only has to be white cheddar Annie’s. Sigh. Normally we make an effort to serve meals for her that include fruits and veggies that she will eat plus protein. She eats most kid friendly things like burgers, hotdogs, spaghetti with red sauce, chicken tenders and will eat a lot of fruits and veggies (but hates fries and potatoes -??).

For thanksgiving I make sure there is fruit for breakfast. my relatives serve a ton of snacks and appetizers type food and my kid ate a ton of pigs in blankets and chips and picked at the turkey and then had cookies. She was fine. When she was 3 or so I’d bring some snacks she’d reliably eat just to avoid hangry but by 6 there is something she can tolerate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A significant number of these responses are from people who don't have picky eaters or think that a kid who won't eat certain Thanksgiving foods is "picky."

We're talking about kids with narrow palates who regularly refuse food, will go hungry if they don't get a preferred food, and may have special needs (especially sensory processing issues) that can make a lot of food tastes and textures feel scary or disgusting to them. Not a typical kid who mostly eats what is served but occasionally rejects certain foods.

And the question concerns a holiday or special occasion that revolves around a meal, where you are in someone else's home and have somewhat limited control over things like what is served and what time it is served. No one is asking for general advice eon dealing with a picky eater. The question is how to handle a special circumstance where, yes, you will probably be more accommodating than you would otherwise. No one with a very picky eater chooses Thanksgiving at the ILs as the time to expand their kid's palate or try to force them to become more independent with preparing their own meals. Not if you care about enjoying the holiday, at least.

OP’s child sounds run of the mill picky. If the kid is actually severely SN or needs to eat for medical reasons that changes the story. But I loosely follow Ellen Slatter for my ASD child and part of his social skills curriculum is learning when to join in, like Thanksgiving, even if its not his favorite. Kids are capable of more than we give them credit for (and will NOT starve when they have access to rolls and pie.)