Picky eaters and Thanksgiving (and holidays generally)

[Anonymous]

What do people who have very picky eaters do with Thanksgiving and other big family holiday meals? Especially interested in hearing from people who have kids who simply do not like the entire genre of "Thanksgiving food" not just kids who won't eat turkey or stuffing or something. Last year the only item served at Thanksgiving that my kid would eat were the dinner rolls. I had though she would be willing to try the mashed potatoes, at least, and maybe the cranberry sauce (I knew the meat and veggies were very unlikely) but wasn't expecting her to totally reject basically the whole meal. I'd like to say it's better this year but the truth is that it isn't and I know she's not going to touch any of the standard offerings.

For context, she is 6 and we will be staying with ILs and having Thanksgiving there. Things I'm considering:

- Making her a big breakfast (she love breakfast and will happily eat a couple of protein-heavy pancakes and a smoothie, which while satisfy most of her nutritional needs for the day) and then just letting her eat literally whatever she wants the rest of the day and not worry about adjusting the Thanksgiving meal for her at all, so if she wants to eat a roll with some blueberries from the fridge with dinner, so be it.

- Trying to come up with one or two side dishes she might actually like that I could serve with the dinner and that other people *might* also eat. She likes rice, lentils, and beans, so I'm thinking about doing a seasoned rice dish (which, yes, she will eat -- she likes Spanish rice and doesn't mind the seasoning) and maybe a spiced lentil dish. It won't really "go" with dinner but it's actual dinner food she will eat and won't look totally out of place on the table and, who knows, someone else might want some.

- Making her a separate plate of easy to prepare items she'll definitely eat so that she has an actual plate of food to eat at the table, even if it's not any of the Thanksgiving food. This would probably be like a bowl of yogurt with granola and fruit, some nuts, and maybe half an avocado -- as standard lunch for her.

Any thoughts on these approaches? ILs know she's super picky and I don't think will be offended if she doesn't eat the food they serve, but I think would like it to feel like she is part of the meal a bit more than last year, which I get (I want this to).

I'm also trying to factor in my own needs here and I don't want my entire Thanksgiving to revolve around her food issues, so I'm trying to come up with something now that I can take care of in advance and prepare her for, so that it's not a topic of conversation or something we need to negotiate or argue over on the day. Thoughts?

[Anonymous]

What about a side of homemade Mac & cheese? Would she eat that?

At 6, she's old enough to grab her own yogurt and granola. I would start empowering her to get her own "picky" meals.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think about this for a second. If my kid wants to eat dinner rolls, have at it. It’s a holiday - I just focus on enjoying the holiday and not worry about what my kids are eating or not eating.

I certainly would not obsess over breakfast on Thanksgiving morning either! Too much other stuff to do! We used to eat pie!

[Anonymous]

Who else is attending the meal? If it is just you and the ILs, I'd probably ensure she has a plate of stuff she'll eat at dinner, but if it's a larger crowd, I wouldn't cater to her too much as it may cause an issue with other kids.

[Anonymous]

If there is one thing there that they will eat, that’s enough. It’s one meal, it’s okay if they only eat rolls.

[Anonymous]

My kid was similar - took him until 13 or so before he actually liked any of the Thanksgiving food. One of his favorite foods is now mashed potatoes and gravy, but he wouldn’t touch it for years.

Just let it go. Let her eat whatever she wants from the table, even if it’s nothing but rolls. Don’t mention it, don’t try to get her to try anything, don’t even thing about it. Let it go and enjoy your own meal. There are days to work on picky eating, but Turkey Day doesn’t need to be that day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What about a side of homemade Mac & cheese? Would she eat that?

At 6, she's old enough to grab her own yogurt and granola. I would start empowering her to get her own "picky" meals.

Sadly, no. She will eat boxed Mac and cheese and she'll eat pasta with a butter sauce and lots of parmesan, but a typical homemade Mac and cheese casserole, she won't touch. She has a pretty strong aversion to anything casserole-esque, which is something that makes Thanksgiving extra hard because so much of the food is baked and saucey.

[Anonymous]

I’d be fine with just dinner rolls. Just make sure you have enough. My kids are older and will eat more now but they’ve definitely only eaten rolls for TG when they were younger.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think about this for a second. If my kid wants to eat dinner rolls, have at it. It’s a holiday - I just focus on enjoying the holiday and not worry about what my kids are eating or not eating.

I certainly would not obsess over breakfast on Thanksgiving morning either! Too much other stuff to do! We used to eat pie!

I mean, I also don't normally focus on breakfast on Thanksgiving. But I was thinking making her a really robust breakfast might make the rest of the day easier for everyone. If she just has cereal or something small (which is what the rest of us will eat) she will be very hungry at lunch (when no one else is eating and is busy cooking) and also at dinner, when there will be a table full of food she actively dislikes.

So the breakfast idea would be a pain for me but then it would be over and might buy me some peace the rest of the day so she's not getting hangry and I'm not having to focus a lot on finding food she'll eat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid was similar - took him until 13 or so before he actually liked any of the Thanksgiving food. One of his favorite foods is now mashed potatoes and gravy, but he wouldn’t touch it for years.

Just let it go. Let her eat whatever she wants from the table, even if it’s nothing but rolls. Don’t mention it, don’t try to get her to try anything, don’t even thing about it. Let it go and enjoy your own meal. There are days to work on picky eating, but Turkey Day doesn’t need to be that day.

OP here. What if she won't eat anything at all but is very hungry? This is what I'm worried about. That she will eat a roll but not want anything else, but be starting and frustrated because everyone else is sitting down for a lengthy, big meal. This is basically what happened last year and she wound up going and coloring in another room after someone made her a PB&J because she didn't want to eat 5 dinner rolls and eating just one didn't fill her up at all. It was a solution, but not ideal.

[Anonymous]

Option 1 is basically what I do every day with my picky eater. Big healthy breakfast, offer them the same food we eat the rest of the day, don’t care if they eat it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What about a side of homemade Mac & cheese? Would she eat that?

At 6, she's old enough to grab her own yogurt and granola. I would start empowering her to get her own "picky" meals.

Sadly, no. She will eat boxed Mac and cheese and she'll eat pasta with a butter sauce and lots of parmesan, but a typical homemade Mac and cheese casserole, she won't touch. She has a pretty strong aversion to anything casserole-esque, which is something that makes Thanksgiving extra hard because so much of the food is baked and saucey.

Also meant to add that of course at home she gets her own "meal alternatives" when she won't eat what's served! But we'll be at my ILs who don't have a kid-friendly kitchen at all and it's much harder to just say "go get yourself some yogurt" because she won't be able to find it in the fridge and there isn't a stool tall enough to help her reach the counter, etc.

It is the one-off nature of Thanksgiving that is making this hard. We have the picky eating addressed in our regular lives.

[Anonymous]

At six I'd let it go and let her eat what she wanted.

I'm a separate note, have you spoken to your ped about this? OT has been very helpful for my extremely picky eater.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely make her a side you know she’ll eat; who cares if it “goes” or not? The traditional Thanksgiving meal is a big protein with lots of side, so what’s one or two more sides?

Then, if she eat a roll, some of your rice side dish and some blueberries, that’s fine. Don’t make it an issue or a topic of conversation, at all.

Also, if she doesn’t like pie, you can always bring brownies or something she will like. Thanksgiving is a lot of excess, so just bring what you know she’ll like and don’t make her eat a big deal.

Enjoy the day and she will, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid was similar - took him until 13 or so before he actually liked any of the Thanksgiving food. One of his favorite foods is now mashed potatoes and gravy, but he wouldn’t touch it for years.

Just let it go. Let her eat whatever she wants from the table, even if it’s nothing but rolls. Don’t mention it, don’t try to get her to try anything, don’t even thing about it. Let it go and enjoy your own meal. There are days to work on picky eating, but Turkey Day doesn’t need to be that day.

OP here. What if she won't eat anything at all but is very hungry? This is what I'm worried about. That she will eat a roll but not want anything else, but be starting and frustrated because everyone else is sitting down for a lengthy, big meal. This is basically what happened last year and she wound up going and coloring in another room after someone made her a PB&J because she didn't want to eat 5 dinner rolls and eating just one didn't fill her up at all. It was a solution, but not ideal.

The kid is 6, show her where some other things she can eat are and let her get them herself. Stop catering to this, she can make pb&j or get her own yogurt and granola or fruit.