Navigating relationship with very bigoted in-laws and our first kid

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does your spouse say when these bigoted statements are made?
How old is your child?

My spouse is very upset by it. She has a very complicated relationship with them and tends to emotionally shut down around them.

Thankfully they live far away and we see them seldomly. I still am afraid as our child gets older if we are around them he’ll think their behavior and mindset is ok. I also, frankly, hate being around them. It’s exhausting.

The likelihood of an uninvolved, physically distant grandparent warping a child’s behavior is minimal. I understand it’s exhausting, but if anything, your child is getting a peak into the people he/she doesn’t want to be like.

This. My parents and in-laws are both quite bigoted. Our kids roll their eyes or call them out. They also have some funny debates. That’s the extent of it. It bothers my spouse but not me. My kids can love someone and hold different beliefs.

This.
Don't you remember when you were a teen and rolling your eyes at all the old folks and their crazy ideas?

[Anonymous]

As a nation we've to coexist and tolerate difference of opinion. This is the only way to change minds of bigots and racists. If we don't interact with them, how do you expect to help them see the light of the day? We can't just live in our own echo chambers and expect things to improve.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a nation we've to coexist and tolerate difference of opinion. This is the only way to change minds of bigots and racists. If we don't interact with them, how do you expect to help them see the light of the day? We can't just live in our own echo chambers and expect things to improve.

You can stand your ground while also meeting people where they are. That is how game changing conversations happen. We’ve become so wedded to shutting people down that we are closing the door on changing minds and hearts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a nation we've to coexist and tolerate difference of opinion. This is the only way to change minds of bigots and racists. If we don't interact with them, how do you expect to help them see the light of the day? We can't just live in our own echo chambers and expect things to improve.

You can stand your ground while also meeting people where they are. That is how game changing conversations happen. We’ve become so wedded to shutting people down that we are closing the door on changing minds and hearts.

PP that I quoted -I meant to add I 100% agree with you. You can’t have dialogue if you are never in the same space. When everyone goes back into their own corners, no one benefits.

[Anonymous]

You as the parent have a huge role in shaping your children and teaching them your values and principles. Your in-laws who are physically distant will not have much opportunity to impact your children’s beliefs. It’s ok for your kids to know that there are people who don’t share your beliefs and that it’s ok to disagree with others. Talk with your kids regularly and all will be ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does your spouse say when these bigoted statements are made?
How old is your child?

My spouse is very upset by it. She has a very complicated relationship with them and tends to emotionally shut down around them.

Thankfully they live far away and we see them seldomly. I still am afraid as our child gets older if we are around them he’ll think their behavior and mindset is ok. I also, frankly, hate being around them. It’s exhausting.

Your spouse, who was raised by them, did not get the idea it’s ok. Why would your kids, who also have the benefit of you and your spouse? I wouldn’t worry about it (and I’m AA, so it’s not like I’m cool with blatant racism).