Did your child keep the same friends from elementary when they went to middle school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DS starts middle school next year, but for the last few years, the parents of his close friends have all said they expect the kids to split up. New school, new kids, easier to find people with similar interests, plus ES is a long time to be with the same kids. So I guess in our case it may be a self-fulfilling prophecy.

It's so interesting to me that so many ppl feel like elementary is too long to be with the same kids, but don't bat an eye at jr./Sr. High combos.

[Anonymous]

Friend group stayed together moving from ES to MS, although the dynamics changed; what was innocent and egalitarian got very hierarchical and mean-girlish.

In HS almost everyone went separate ways and developed new friend groups, in large part based on interests.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Made mostly new friends.

I think that’s very normal and actually more healthy for them in the end.

I was actually surprised to see this happening, as this was not my experience. But, why would you say healthy? What's so wrong with staying with your friend group? I would have been crushed if this would have happened to me.

The kids who can move around and make new friends in different settings and situations are much more socially adept. People change so much from elementary to high school. Of course their interests and personalities develop and new friendships should form. It's way easier however to just stick with the kids you know.

And I don't mean you never speak to your elementary friends again. I think what is ideal is you stay in touch with those kids and as circumstances bring you back together you connect again. It's not that you're not friends. It's that your circle grows and shifts. A kid should develop many friendships over the period of 5 to 18, including new friendships.

In my opinion.

Yes, friends come and go, but my main friend group stayed pretty intact, which I was glad it happened that way. They are still my friends actually and I wouldn't want that to end. I think it also helped that these were friends in my own neighborhood. I don't think this made me less social or hindered my ability to make friends. It's just very interesting to me that this happens so early.

A lot of early in life relationships are friendships of circumstance. Including being neighbors. It’s lucky if after growing up a bit you actually have a lot in common with and really like people you were randomly placed near. By late elementary you can already see kids starting to self sort based on other factors besides neighborhood, who their parents are friends with, who is in class with them, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Made mostly new friends.

I think that’s very normal and actually more healthy for them in the end.

I was actually surprised to see this happening, as this was not my experience. But, why would you say healthy? What's so wrong with staying with your friend group? I would have been crushed if this would have happened to me.

The kids who can move around and make new friends in different settings and situations are much more socially adept. People change so much from elementary to high school. Of course their interests and personalities develop and new friendships should form. It's way easier however to just stick with the kids you know.

And I don't mean you never speak to your elementary friends again. I think what is ideal is you stay in touch with those kids and as circumstances bring you back together you connect again. It's not that you're not friends. It's that your circle grows and shifts. A kid should develop many friendships over the period of 5 to 18, including new friendships.

In my opinion.

Yes, friends come and go, but my main friend group stayed pretty intact, which I was glad it happened that way. They are still my friends actually and I wouldn't want that to end. I think it also helped that these were friends in my own neighborhood. I don't think this made me less social or hindered my ability to make friends. It's just very interesting to me that this happens so early.

A lot of early in life relationships are friendships of circumstance. Including being neighbors. It’s lucky if after growing up a bit you actually have a lot in common with and really like people you were randomly placed near. By late elementary you can already see kids starting to self sort based on other factors besides neighborhood, who their parents are friends with, who is in class with them, etc.

I honestly thought nothing of it and in fact thought that it was normal and a common thing. Guess I was lucky.

[Anonymous]

Mine has-new kids have joined the friend group in middle then again in high school but they are still friends with the same kids from 1st grade.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I was in sixth, my friend group fell apart and reconstituted. It was hell but that’s why middle school sucks.

My kid also had so much friend drama - losses and gains. I don’t know anyone whose ES friends just sailed to HS intact.

OP here. The friends seem to take turns leaving people out because one or two people start disliking another kid. The next week, another kid is left out. This seems to be happening online and in person. Yesterday my DS was dropped from an online video game server, which seems absolutely ridiculous to be upset over but my son was upset about it because he thought all the other friends were playing online without him.

This is the worst of middle school and happens with girls a lot, too.

[Anonymous]

No.

[Anonymous]

I'm always amazed at people who are trying to figure out friendships for their kids in ES/MS/HS. Think about yourself. How many friendships do you really get to keep through the years? I am lucky that I have friends from HS. And my best friend is from MS(although not MS but overnight summer camp during MS). I am 50. But honestly, you make friends as you move forward in life - just like when you are 13 or 11 or 16. People come and go, some return. Does it really matter how this works as long as they don't feel like they are all alone?? I think it's natural that you make new friends and find new tribes as you get older. I think it is crazy if you stay in HS with your ES pack. 1-2 friends is sweet and special but who doesn't change as they grow from age 8-18??

[Anonymous]

One DD did. The other didn’t.
The one that didn’t had a Queen B-omb go of in her ES friend group late in 5th grade. She was relieved to start fresh at a different school from the problem “friend”. Six years later, she is still tight with the girls she met as a 6th grader.

[Anonymous]

My 9th grader is still friends with his ES friends in that they talk at the bus stop and if they have a class together, but his friend group since around the end of 7th grade is all kids who didn’t go to his ES.

[Anonymous]

yes, till 8th grade and that when it all changed...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One DD did. The other didn’t.
The one that didn’t had a Queen B-omb go of in her ES friend group late in 5th grade. She was relieved to start fresh at a different school from the problem “friend”. Six years later, she is still tight with the girls she met as a 6th grader.

There is a king bee in my son’s friend group. When he is on your good side, life is good. When he gets mad at you, he excludes and tries to get everyone to drop you as well. I wish everyone in the friend group would just drop the king bee. That would be best for all.

[Anonymous]

DC1 friend group drifted apart during the MS COVID years, but reconnected in high school.

DC2 friend group actually started imploding during the last 6 months of ES. Years-long best friends turned into frenemies overnight. Lots of playground freezing-out, rumor spreading, not very nice behavior. I had high hopes that they would move into MS and find new friends… and yet, the frenemies still gravitate to each other at lunch and in classes, even though DC says they aren’t friends anymore. All boys, fwiw. I don’t really get it. Drama is way too high.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One DD did. The other didn’t.
The one that didn’t had a Queen B-omb go of in her ES friend group late in 5th grade. She was relieved to start fresh at a different school from the problem “friend”. Six years later, she is still tight with the girls she met as a 6th grader.

This is what happened to my DD too except we are still stuck with the Queen Bee and it’s been hard to find a new friend group since.

[Anonymous]

OP, think about how many kids move to new cities or switch public/private during elementary and the time between elementary and MS. It's more than you realize, and yet they all survive the ordeal of having to start from zero in making new school friends. If you think everyone stays in the same feeder school pipeline, you are living in a bubble of privilege.