Did your child keep the same friends from elementary when they went to middle school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I was in sixth, my friend group fell apart and reconstituted. It was hell but that’s why middle school sucks.

My kid also had so much friend drama - losses and gains. I don’t know anyone whose ES friends just sailed to HS intact.

OP here. The friends seem to take turns leaving people out because one or two people start disliking another kid. The next week, another kid is left out. This seems to be happening online and in person. Yesterday my DS was dropped from an online video game server, which seems absolutely ridiculous to be upset over but my son was upset about it because he thought all the other friends were playing online without him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I was in sixth, my friend group fell apart and reconstituted. It was hell but that’s why middle school sucks.

My kid also had so much friend drama - losses and gains. I don’t know anyone whose ES friends just sailed to HS intact.

OP here. The friends seem to take turns leaving people out because one or two people start disliking another kid. The next week, another kid is left out. This seems to be happening online and in person. Yesterday my DS was dropped from an online video game server, which seems absolutely ridiculous to be upset over but my son was upset about it because he thought all the other friends were playing online without him.

This is what they do at this age. I blows. It's a constant cycle of targeting one kid and dropping people and with online situations (video games and phone group chats), it extends outside of school.

I understand what you're saying, but it's not ridiculous that he's upset about it so don't make him feel ridiculous. It's very real to them.

The best insulation from this kind of thing is diversifying friend groups for your kids and just messaging that this is going to pass and not overreacting and freaking out to his peers. They're looking for a reaction.

[Anonymous]

Mine is now in 7th and his core group of 5 from ES is still very close. He has made some new friends who have expanded the group a bit but I think the core 5 will always be close. It helps that the parents have all become friends over the years.

[Anonymous]

My DS completely shifted friend group in MS and then again in HS, reintegrating some of those ES friends that he reconnected with.

DD, however, maintained the same core of BFFs from 2nd all the way through to 12th grade (and beyond). She added an expanded circle of friends in MS mainly via band. Most of those went to another MS so a new group of band friends were added in HS, still with the same core BFFs.

I think DS's experience is more typical. And while girls have the reputation for friendship drama, boys can have just as much, just looks different.

[Anonymous]

DS has mostly the same friend group since ES and lots of new ones in MS and HS. Core group is still friends.

DD has a few from ES, but she made a new group of friends in MS (8-10 of them) and they are still friends in HS.

[Anonymous]

A lot of it seems to be geography: who has the same schedule that allows for eating lunch together/sitting next to each other in class/walking to school together? DD is still friends with her friends from ES but not the same level of interaction, since she doesn't see them all day or live near them. She's become much friendlier with kids she now walks to school with, who didn't go to her ES.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Made mostly new friends.

I think that’s very normal and actually more healthy for them in the end.

I was actually surprised to see this happening, as this was not my experience. But, why would you say healthy? What's so wrong with staying with your friend group? I would have been crushed if this would have happened to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Made mostly new friends.

I think that’s very normal and actually more healthy for them in the end.

I was actually surprised to see this happening, as this was not my experience. But, why would you say healthy? What's so wrong with staying with your friend group? I would have been crushed if this would have happened to me.

The kids who can move around and make new friends in different settings and situations are much more socially adept. People change so much from elementary to high school. Of course their interests and personalities develop and new friendships should form. It's way easier however to just stick with the kids you know.

And I don't mean you never speak to your elementary friends again. I think what is ideal is you stay in touch with those kids and as circumstances bring you back together you connect again. It's not that you're not friends. It's that your circle grows and shifts. A kid should develop many friendships over the period of 5 to 18, including new friendships.

In my opinion.

[Anonymous]

The elementary teachers warned the kids about middle school. They said, you will lose friends and you will gain friends, especially in middle school and going into high school. I heard it because it was covid and they kids had the speakers loud enough for me to hear in the other room while I was working. That's why as parents, you are suppose to show and teach your kids how to be social and inclusive in elementary school. You have less control of this starting middle school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DS completely shifted friend group in MS and then again in HS, reintegrating some of those ES friends that he reconnected with.

DD, however, maintained the same core of BFFs from 2nd all the way through to 12th grade (and beyond). She added an expanded circle of friends in MS mainly via band. Most of those went to another MS so a new group of band friends were added in HS, still with the same core BFFs.

I think DS's experience is more typical. [b]And while girls have the reputation for friendship drama, boys can have just as much, just looks different.[/b}

+1 Boy drama is real.

My kid was on a snap chat this summer with a kid he played club sport with, who goes to a different HS. They made a pretty good pair on their club team.

They continued playing together in the summer, asking different guys to join them in pick up games around town. The other kid decided to switch clubs this year and wanted my kid to switch too.

My kid decided to stay with the same club, and the other kid immediately deletes my kid from the snapchat group and refuses to talk to him anymore. DS hears that he now constantly tells other that he “sucks” at his position when before he was "one of the best."

My kid, however, does not/did not care. He has better friends. But we all found it so incredibly odd.

[Anonymous]

Nope, they all split up immediately when 6th grade started.

[Anonymous]

No, for either of my girls. The fracture started in 5th and middle school was friend chaos and HS appears to be stabilizing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Made mostly new friends.

I think that’s very normal and actually more healthy for them in the end.

I was actually surprised to see this happening, as this was not my experience. But, why would you say healthy? What's so wrong with staying with your friend group? I would have been crushed if this would have happened to me.

The kids who can move around and make new friends in different settings and situations are much more socially adept. People change so much from elementary to high school. Of course their interests and personalities develop and new friendships should form. It's way easier however to just stick with the kids you know.

And I don't mean you never speak to your elementary friends again. I think what is ideal is you stay in touch with those kids and as circumstances bring you back together you connect again. It's not that you're not friends. It's that your circle grows and shifts. A kid should develop many friendships over the period of 5 to 18, including new friendships.

In my opinion.

Yes, friends come and go, but my main friend group stayed pretty intact, which I was glad it happened that way. They are still my friends actually and I wouldn't want that to end. I think it also helped that these were friends in my own neighborhood. I don't think this made me less social or hindered my ability to make friends. It's just very interesting to me that this happens so early.

[Anonymous]

DD's core group of 3 friends split up in MS. Nothing acrimonious, but her one friend who is extroverted found other like minded friends, the introverted one made a friend or two (and is fine with it). Another who wanted to be with the "popular kids" went through some hell, including fights with her former friends due to some third party who was stirring stuff up. A year later, they're all friendly, but no longer close friends.

DD said that she is surprised that she has remained friends with her core group of 6 girls that coalesced early this year, and it has been remarkably drama free. She has seen other groups shift around a lot.

[Anonymous]

My DS starts middle school next year, but for the last few years, the parents of his close friends have all said they expect the kids to split up. New school, new kids, easier to find people with similar interests, plus ES is a long time to be with the same kids. So I guess in our case it may be a self-fulfilling prophecy.