Did your child keep the same friends from elementary when they went to middle school?
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Anonymous
| 12yo DS’s friend group is falling apart. Several boys don’t seem to like one another anymore. Summer before 7th grade was such an innocent great time for DS. Middle school just seems to be difficult. DS very moody and grumpy. |
Anonymous
| MS is the great divide. Sometimes they comeback together in HS. |
Anonymous
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My kid kept some friends from ES in 6th - his lunch was scheduled at the same time as a few kids he knew. 7th grade was Covid and he kept contact with a few through video games - not ideal, I know, but that's what was available.
Returning to 8th was when his groups - all of them - completely fell apart. No friends had the same lunch/recess schedule. Had difficulty re-connecting with kids he hadn't talked with in more than a year. Kids he knew from his ES/MS sport quit or went to different teams. Video gaming group fell apart. Not gonna lie, it was awful. Pretty sure he was depressed during much of 8th grade. Good news is he found a new club/group to join end of 8th grade and some of those kids are still his friends in 10th. Has made new ones in HS from that same activity. |
Anonymous
| Idk way back in the day I did. The friend group really never drifted apart. Sure I made some new friends, but my and I stayed together, I think a big part of it was that we all lived in the same neighborhood. High was a differebt story though. I'm always very interested when so many have this happen in middle school. Seems to me this would happen way more in high school? Anyway I was really, really lucky. I wish this was the norm for more kids. |
Anonymous
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PSA - it is very, very unlikely that your child’s elementary friend group will remain intact through MS & HS. Just expect things to fracture & then get reformed in different ways. It can be hard, but it’s also a valuable learning experience. If the kid keeps the exact same insular friend group till they leave for college, they might find things difficult - like if freshman yr is the first time they’ve had to make new friends since 2nd grade?
I feel like I see this kind of post a lot, like parents want to be reassured that the great friend group will remain intact, even if friends go to different schools, or whatever. I know you might love the besties they have in ES, but I would set your expectation that things will change in MS & HS, multiple times. And that may be a little rocky, but it’s a necessary growing stage that you can support your DC through. And there will be positives on the other side, new friends that they may have even more in common with now that they may have different interests, academic levels, etc . |
Anonymous
| Our son kept same friends in 6th, moved on to new friend group in 7th. Our daughter, all new friends in 6th |
Anonymous
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^^Agree. Some of this I think is based on how your school district structures groups.
My kid's ES had 500 kids. There were 4 classes of about 25-30 each for his grade. But since 2 of those classes were TWI, he was in classes with the same 50 kids or so for 6 years. Maintaining friendships isn't so difficult and doesn't require a lot of effort when you see the same kids all the time. His MS, with 800 kids from 3 different ESs, has a policy of sorting kids into 3 or 4 cohorts for scheduling purposes, with a mix of kids from all 3 schools, so it's possible you won't see many of your former friends in classes. That, plus kids' evolving interests, changing activities, and parents no longer around to facilitate get-togethers puts a strain on those relationships, especially for kids (like mine) who aren't as naturally outgoing. |
Anonymous
+1 I'm the mom with the kid who lost all ES friends after Covid. It was a tough learning experience for him. But I'm grateful he went through that when we were around to support him, rather than dealing with it for the first time in college. |
Anonymous
| Some, yes. Others no (drifted apart, different interests etc- no drama). My freshman son is still best friends with the same kid (since elementary school). |
Anonymous
| No, none |
Anonymous
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My 8th grade daughter has kept the same couple friends (with a few additions in middle school) since 2nd grade. I actually think it’s kinda weird and I worry a little about her transition to high school.
My 10th grade daughter has one friend from 6th grade (they went to grade school together but actually hated each other then ha) and had a best friend from 2nd until the end of 9th when that friendship fell apart. These two friends took us through Covid. So no she has no friends left from grade school. She’s school friends with some kids she was friends with in ES but they werent friends the whole time. High school was a game changer and her social network exploded, coming back around to some former middle school friends, one from preschool, obviously new kids, as well as kids she knew in middle school but was never friends with. I will add that the friend from 2nd grade she kept until last year…that’s a long time. They had a lot of baggage and that’s not always good. |
Anonymous
| 6th grade started off intact but was mixed by the end. 7th had huge, dramatic shifts. 8th was totally different friend groups. |
Anonymous
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Most of the boys from our ES stayed friends and added another group from another ES.
My son made all new friends in MS but in high school he’s now friends again with some of the ES kids. |
Anonymous
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Made mostly new friends.
I think that’s very normal and actually more healthy for them in the end. |
Anonymous
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When I was in sixth, my friend group fell apart and reconstituted. It was hell but that’s why middle school sucks.
My kid also had so much friend drama - losses and gains. I don’t know anyone whose ES friends just sailed to HS intact. |