Relationship with an expiration date

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:If you weren’t moving, would you see a future with him? If you’re just not compatible long term, regardless of the move, I think it’s important to be very clear about that so he knows there’s no chance you’ll change your mind. It is super convenient for you to enjoy the last few months of having a boyfriend, if you broke up now it wouldn’t be worth finding someone else to do couples type activities with. But it’s not really fair to him if he wants to settle down with someone to waste his time. But maybe he will be happy to have a few more months of fun with you, as long as he knows that will be it!

If the only reason you would break up is th e move, maybe he would move with you? I ended up giving up a career move in my mid 20s for a guy I had been with for about a year. For me it was definitely the right call - we’ve been happy married with kids for 15 years. In my case, I was crazy about him and it wasn’t really a close call - I didn’t particularly want to live in the city with the job offer, and we both saw a future together. I had tried long distance with someone else in the past and it was a disaster, so that was never an option for me.

I’m not sure if we’re compatible long-term. It’s hard to be clear with BF when I myself am not clear!

Please just break up when he gets back.

Signed,

A man who wishes she had ripped the band aid off sooner so that I could have moved on faster.

How old were you? BF is 25 - I wouldn’t think he’ll have so much trouble moving on that a few more months of being together would be a major issue, but perhaps I’m wrong.

Just before I turned 25. You're wrong. If you do it now, he will think that at least you were honest with him. If you wait a few more months, it gets to "she was probably thinking of this all along". How would you like to be treated, OP? Or maybe his trip gives him time to think and he initiates the talk with you?

Got it. I already wrote in a previous post that I’ll be having a frank discussion with BF as soon as he returns.

Be honest OP. You are in love with him.But of course love is not enough for a commitment. But if you were not moving, do you think the two of you might have had the potential for a future together?

I honestly don’t know. That I am putting my career above him would seem to suggest not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you weren’t moving, would you see a future with him? If you’re just not compatible long term, regardless of the move, I think it’s important to be very clear about that so he knows there’s no chance you’ll change your mind. It is super convenient for you to enjoy the last few months of having a boyfriend, if you broke up now it wouldn’t be worth finding someone else to do couples type activities with. But it’s not really fair to him if he wants to settle down with someone to waste his time. But maybe he will be happy to have a few more months of fun with you, as long as he knows that will be it!

If the only reason you would break up is th e move, maybe he would move with you? I ended up giving up a career move in my mid 20s for a guy I had been with for about a year. For me it was definitely the right call - we’ve been happy married with kids for 15 years. In my case, I was crazy about him and it wasn’t really a close call - I didn’t particularly want to live in the city with the job offer, and we both saw a future together. I had tried long distance with someone else in the past and it was a disaster, so that was never an option for me.

I’m not sure if we’re compatible long-term. It’s hard to be clear with BF when I myself am not clear!

Please just break up when he gets back.

Signed,

A man who wishes she had ripped the band aid off sooner so that I could have moved on faster.

How old were you? BF is 25 - I wouldn’t think he’ll have so much trouble moving on that a few more months of being together would be a major issue, but perhaps I’m wrong.

Just before I turned 25. You're wrong. If you do it now, he will think that at least you were honest with him. If you wait a few more months, it gets to "she was probably thinking of this all along". How would you like to be treated, OP? Or maybe his trip gives him time to think and he initiates the talk with you?

Got it. I already wrote in a previous post that I’ll be having a frank discussion with BF as soon as he returns.

Be honest OP. You are in love with him.But of course love is not enough for a commitment. But if you were not moving, do you think the two of you might have had the potential for a future together?

I honestly don’t know. That I am putting my career above him would seem to suggest not.

You are only 26 and I assume he is close in age. When I was 26, there were a lot of open issues - where do I want to live? Do I want to take that job? Do I still want to date them? Graduate school? Putting your career ahead of him is the smart thing to do. Anyone I know who gave up a career decision for another person made a dreadful mistake. Because then you put pressure on the relationship and it blows up.

[Anonymous]

OP with an update. I had a more candid conversation with my (now ex) BF after he returned from his work trip back in October, and he wanted to stay together as long as possible so that’s what we did. I relocated two weeks ago for my new job and am absolutely loving it. We had what I felt was a really sweet goodbye before I left, only xBF has been calling and texting ever since as if we haven’t broken up. The first week I attributed it to just checking in on me as I got settled, but we’re on week 2 now. I don’t want to be a jerk and tell him to stop contacting me so much, but this will fade soon, right?

[Anonymous]

OP with an update. I had a more candid conversation with my (now ex) BF after he returned from his work trip back in October, and he wanted to stay together as long as possible so that’s what we did. I relocated two weeks ago for my new job and am absolutely loving it. We had what I felt was a really sweet goodbye before I left, only xBF has been calling and texting ever since as if we haven’t broken up. The first week I attributed it to just checking in on me as I got settled, but we’re on week 2 now. I don’t want to be a jerk and tell him to stop contacting me so much, but this will fade soon, right?

I would tell him that: 1) you love your new job; 2) things are working out in your new place, and 3) he does not need to check in on you. After that, if he still contacts you, tell him that you have moved on and that he should too.

[Anonymous]

I feel so sorry for this guy because he sounds needy. He also realizes it is 100x times easier for you to find someone new than him so he doesn't want to let go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been with my BF for about a year and do love him; however I don’t necessarily see a future together. First quarter next year I’ll be relocating for a major career opportunity and have doubts a long distance relationship will work but would very much like to enjoy being together until then. Any DCUMers care to share stories about making the most of a relationship with a known expiration date?

If you two are committed, you'll make it work. If you lack commitment, you are wasting their time unless they are also aware of your feelings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been with my BF for about a year and do love him; however I don’t necessarily see a future together. First quarter next year I’ll be relocating for a major career opportunity and have doubts a long distance relationship will work but would very much like to enjoy being together until then. Any DCUMers care to share stories about making the most of a relationship with a known expiration date?

Keep dating him until you move. Then see what happens. If you don't have strong feelings for him after you move end the relationship. Not all relationships end in marriage. That's a horrible way to view dating, etc and the main reason so many women are single and older and sad.