When you used to be fat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I never comment about what people are eating. TBH, I would say something or give the stink eye to my DH if he is on his second dessert. These people are your friends? Ask them why they have an interest on what YOU CHOOSE to eat/or not eat? Are they overweight and could be a bit jealous?

+1

Ever - even to say something looks good - it is rude to comment on other people's food.

[Anonymous]

Weight Loss for Busy Physicians podcast had a recent episode on this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And you worked really really hard to be healthy and fit-how to you explain to people that get annoyed at how “careful” you are now?

For example. If I know I am going out to eat with friends-I will plan the rest of my food for the day around that. And I never order appetizers or drinks or dessert. Or I’ll have a tiny bit of appetizer or a dessert as well as an entree of course. But I will never be excessive. Some of my friends have Been really annoyed by this. Probably because I used to not care at all? Hence, why I was fat.

The anxiety of getting back to where I was is pretty terrible. I hated myself. Like literally hated myself. I have spent 2 years getting to a healthy weight and more importantly, a healthy mind set and it makes me so depressed that I often have to hear my friends and family complain to me about it.

My whole life has changed for the better and honestly foregoing an appetizer/dessert/drink seems like such a small price to pay. Don’t get me wrong if it’s a special occasion (anniversary, wedding, special birthday etc…) I will definitely over indulge and then plan the next few days around that. But my friends and I go out like once a week/every 2 weeks and that’s just too often to be going all out.

I guess I wish more people understood the struggle. My body wants me to be like I used to be-and it’s a constant battle. I think a lot of it is that I was the “fat friend” for so long that people are just weirded out. Also none of my friends have had weight problems so they just don’t understand.

I’m just venting. And I hope I’m not alone.

What do you mean they get annoyed? Is that actually happening or is it in your head?

[Anonymous]

It helps to not talk about it. I mean, don't talk about your weight struggles, don't talk about your diet, definitely don't talk about *why* you aren't ordering x,y,z. Just order what you want, slowly. Or if ppl are sharing an appetizer/dessert, share it but then only eat half your entree. Just don't talk about it and people will be less likely to comment. Almost every overweight friend I have talks much more about food/diet/exercise than I do (And I have never ever commented on anyone's food choices - personally I think that's totally wrong). I have found in life if I don't want people's opinions, I just don't share my issues/struggles with them (currently I am contemplating a religious change but am keeping completely mum about it with friends/family).

[Anonymous]

Op here. I assure all of you, I don’t WANT to talk about my choices. But it’s like always something someone has to comment on. I want to just choose my food and that’s that. But they always have to make some commentary. Honestly I think they just want me to be fat again.

But I agree with the comments that I probably just need new friends. Preferably people who never knew me before.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound a bit over obsessed with food and maybe that's what your friends are picking up on. If once a week or every other week you go out and eat, you won't gain weight if you eat sensibly and then stay good the rest of the time and exercise. Going out once a week didn't make you fat, it was everything else that went along with it.

Hiya, fat shamer! Being fat is the largest moral failing ever to people like you but no matter how someone loses it, that person is doing it wrong!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound a bit over obsessed with food and maybe that's what your friends are picking up on. If once a week or every other week you go out and eat, you won't gain weight if you eat sensibly and then stay good the rest of the time and exercise. Going out once a week didn't make you fat, it was everything else that went along with it.

Hiya, fat shamer! Being fat is the largest moral failing ever to people like you but no matter how someone loses it, that person is doing it wrong!

You sound hungry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound a bit over obsessed with food and maybe that's what your friends are picking up on. If once a week or every other week you go out and eat, you won't gain weight if you eat sensibly and then stay good the rest of the time and exercise. Going out once a week didn't make you fat, it was everything else that went along with it.

Hiya, fat shamer! Being fat is the largest moral failing ever to people like you but no matter how someone loses it, that person is doing it wrong!

Ha no definitely not a fat shamer. Used to be extremely overweight. I'm not really sure how my post came across fat shaming. It is a reality that you can go out to eat once a week or once every other week/indulge and that won't make you fat. It's when you over indulge day after day that it becomes a problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Weight Loss for Busy Physicians podcast had a recent episode on this

I'm surprised that podcast is still active. I would think the busy physicians would just get on Wegovy, done and dusted. The ones I know who were fat have done just that.

[Anonymous]

Are you messing up splitting the check? Because it’s a kind of annoying if the whole party is getting a full meal and one person makes a big deal out of not getting apps and/or not drinking, suddenly you have to get individual checks rather than splitting evenly.

I feel like this could go either way — I’ve definitely eaten with people who pressure others to eat/drink things they don’t want to but I’ve also definitely eaten with people who want to tell everyone about how whatever they’re *not* eating makes them morally superior. Either way, it sounds like socializing over food isn’t a good fit with these friends any more. As others have suggested, try to meet up to go for walks or do activities rather than at meals. I’ve shifted some interactions with friends as our tastes/alcohol intake/food budget diverged far enough than eating out together became stressful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I assure all of you, I don’t WANT to talk about my choices. But it’s like always something someone has to comment on. I want to just choose my food and that’s that. But they always have to make some commentary. Honestly I think they just want me to be fat again.

But I agree with the comments that I probably just need new friends. Preferably people who never knew me before.

OP, I’m really sure that’s not it and frankly thinking it is is really disordered. They might want you to eat how you used to because they feel like your changed behavior is a judgement on their choices but I sincerely doubt they care or think much about how much you weigh.

[Anonymous]

Do you talk a lot about it? Explain why you're skipping dessert or drinks? Honestly, I know people who talk about it excessively. Can't sit down to a meal without them talking about their weight loss or calories or "being careful". And it prompts awkward comments back to them.

I don't think twice when someone says "just water please", or "salad instead of fries please," but if they over explain the calories in drinks it's opening them up to comments in return.

[Anonymous]

My friends have never commented on my meal choices. And my weight has gone up and down. You need new friends

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This will sound extreme, but make new friends. Go out to eat with your old friends less - invite those friends to do physical things like going for a walk, going to a rock climbing gym, drop in dance class, yoga, free swim, etc.

I don’t think she needs to make new friends?
People often need time to adapt to these big lifestyle changes. They hear you but don’t really hear you. I quit drinking 10 years ago and was harassed by my friends at parties in the beginning because they were being typical party friends who thought the only way to enjoy yourself at parties was to have a drink in hand. I’m still great friends with every single one and now they go out of their way to have non alcoholic drinks for me so I’m included. Stay firm and give them time to adjust to the new you and your permanent lifestyle change. Congratulations on losing the weight.

[Anonymous]

I can sympathize with you OP. I think for a lot of people, seeing other people be successful at losing weight can be very triggering for them. They see you being successful at something they want to do, and it makes them feel bad about themselves. If this is an an ongoing issue with these particular friends, I think it’s probably a good idea to branch out and make some new friends who won’t consciously or subconsciously hold you back.