When you used to be fat.

[Anonymous]

And you worked really really hard to be healthy and fit-how to you explain to people that get annoyed at how “careful” you are now?

For example. If I know I am going out to eat with friends-I will plan the rest of my food for the day around that. And I never order appetizers or drinks or dessert. Or I’ll have a tiny bit of appetizer or a dessert as well as an entree of course. But I will never be excessive. Some of my friends have Been really annoyed by this. Probably because I used to not care at all? Hence, why I was fat.

The anxiety of getting back to where I was is pretty terrible. I hated myself. Like literally hated myself. I have spent 2 years getting to a healthy weight and more importantly, a healthy mind set and it makes me so depressed that I often have to hear my friends and family complain to me about it.

My whole life has changed for the better and honestly foregoing an appetizer/dessert/drink seems like such a small price to pay. Don’t get me wrong if it’s a special occasion (anniversary, wedding, special birthday etc…) I will definitely over indulge and then plan the next few days around that. But my friends and I go out like once a week/every 2 weeks and that’s just too often to be going all out.

I guess I wish more people understood the struggle. My body wants me to be like I used to be-and it’s a constant battle. I think a lot of it is that I was the “fat friend” for so long that people are just weirded out. Also none of my friends have had weight problems so they just don’t understand.

I’m just venting. And I hope I’m not alone.

[Anonymous]

How did you lose it?
How old are you?

[Anonymous]

I used to be close to 300 lbs and now weigh about 150. I lost it all through diet and exercise about 10 years ago for the PP.

You must be younger than me because I haven’t gone out that often since I was in my 20s and I’m now mid-40s. However, my friends were really happy for me when I lost the weight and they’ve never pressured me to eat, not even when I was bigger. It sounds like your friends are very supportive.

[Anonymous]

Yeah it's hard. I've lost 80-90 lbs twice now (sadly it all came back again, and I need to try again). But the huge number of people who would say things like "Oh, FFS, eat a donut. Live a little" was not good. Or even, for example, my SIL who would say "Oh, you are being good?" in response to whatever I would order in a restaurant. So yeah, you aren't alone. People definitely don't understand. But it isn't going to change -- we live in a culture where people comment on other people's food choices a lot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How did you lose it?
How old are you?

I very religiously counted calories and started exercising every single day. I lost about 100 pounds.

I’m 39

[Anonymous]

I think this is a friend problem not a food problem. I had weight loss surgery in 2017. I was 265 and am now 175. I will get an appetizer for my meal 90% of the time. Or I order something I know is easy to reheat for work leftovers.
None of friends ever critique my choices or comment or complain.
Why does it bother your friends what you eat/order?

[Anonymous]

This will sound extreme, but make new friends. Go out to eat with your old friends less - invite those friends to do physical things like going for a walk, going to a rock climbing gym, drop in dance class, yoga, free swim, etc.

[Anonymous]

It’s your friends. I’m male in my early 40s and some of my law firm partners (boomers) still make weird comments about my eating. Like that’s appropriate. I’m into endurance sports now and I eat a massive amount of food (to me), but real non junk food.

Life is too short to surround yourself with people that bring you down.

[Anonymous]

Comments about what you're ordering are never appropriate or helpful but stick to your plans and just have a stock answer ready.

-I had a big lunch
-Oh can't drink tonight--will mix with my allergy meds.
-Craving a huge salad-I think I am veggie deficient and just need some veggies! (this one is a real one for me!)

[Anonymous]

I'm a 49 year old woman. I have not been overweight, but I have tried to shift my friend activities in the past decade or so. Basically I noticed that it felt that many of our outings centered on food or drinking, and I wanted to change that. Now I try to meet friends for walks, runs, water aerobics or sporting events.

[Anonymous]

I really do not like to feel like people are analyzing what I eat or my weight. I could not regularly get together with the kind of group you are describing. Maybe just planning to take home half your entree would be a good idea.

[Anonymous]

I’m really sorry. You are amazing and those people kind of suck. I’m surprised they comment so much on what you’re eating. That’s pretty rude.

[Anonymous]

You can make excuses for your menu selection (I had a big lunch) or tell your "friends" to knock it off. Who made them the food police? I agree that this is a friend issue and wonder if it's one particular friend who is trying to sabotage you. A friend should be supporting your efforts. You go girl!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How did you lose it?
How old are you?

I very religiously counted calories and started exercising every single day. I lost about 100 pounds.

I’m 39

Are your friends overweight?

[Anonymous]

Could be people wanting to sabotage. Could be people with their own food issues. Could just be jerks. I really wouldn’t pay them any mind; you don’t want to backslide so don’t. Truly either make new friends or learn to smile and ignore because it’s not about you, it’s about them.