6 year old hit someone at school — consequences?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here

I am 99% certain he knows it’s not ok. He has self regulation issues that he is working on in OT. We don’t do TV or desserts regularly, so there was no loss of privileges like that. Sometimes he gets a small treat if he does well at school so he didn’t get that today.

That is the perfect description of why he should write an apology to the other child. It’s not punishment—it is him acknowledging that he did wrong by his own values, and it reinforces experientially the learning he is doing about impulse control. Huge missed opportunity not to do this.

[Anonymous]

No way would I make a 6 year old write an apology note. It’s like torture given their limited writing ability.

[Anonymous]

Your child already had a consequence - they missed recess (which should never be allowed for a 6 year old who needs to get their energy out, but that is a topic for another day). There is no point in burying your 6 year old 6-feet under. As you said, they know what they did was wrong, you don't add consequence on top of consequence.

I might have said, "rough day today, let's go home, relax, have a snack, and then we can talk about a better way to handle this type of situation, so that if it happens again, you are prepared."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No way would I make a 6 year old write an apology note. It’s like torture given their limited writing ability.

If want them to Bart Simpson write “I will not hit someone” 10 times at their home, do that, but agree no to any “I’m sorry I hit you” letters from and to little kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here

I am 99% certain he knows it’s not ok. He has self regulation issues that he is working on in OT. We don’t do TV or desserts regularly, so there was no loss of privileges like that. Sometimes he gets a small treat if he does well at school so he didn’t get that today.

That is the perfect description of why he should write an apology to the other child. It’s not punishment—it is him acknowledging that he did wrong by his own values, and it reinforces experientially the learning he is doing about impulse control. Huge missed opportunity not to do this.

Teacher said he already apologized to the kid at school. If he hadn’t that would be different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here

I am 99% certain he knows it’s not ok. He has self regulation issues that he is working on in OT. We don’t do TV or desserts regularly, so there was no loss of privileges like that. Sometimes he gets a small treat if he does well at school so he didn’t get that today.

That is the perfect description of why he should write an apology to the other child. It’s not punishment—it is him acknowledging that he did wrong by his own values, and it reinforces experientially the learning he is doing about impulse control. Huge missed opportunity not to do this.

Teacher said he already apologized to the kid at school. If he hadn’t that would be different.

I don’t agree. Writing is a chance to discuss it at home, to expand on it at home, and then to offer repair at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PS my older kid is a rule follower/ star student who literally never had an issue at school. Eats all their vegetables, never hit another kid, no electronics -- at the most we have to tell them to stop reading and go to bed.

So I have no experience when it comes to my other kid, who is sensory seeking and has difficulty with rule following. We have tried tougher consequences like timeouts and writing sentences and all that. Honestly it did not help the behavior and may have even made it worse because the self-image as "bad" created more shame.

OP, I empathize. I have a rule follower oldest who constantly wins awards at school, great grades, star athlete, etc. and a youngest who really struggles to regulate himself and has hit at school on occasion. When he’s regulated he is so sweet, smart, and genuinely likes to make people happy, but he’s also impulsive and overly sensitive to things like taunts. All the parenting tricks that worked with my NT kid do not work with him. He’s been diagnosed with ADHD/ASD and we are exploring a tic disorder now as well.

I know there are other parents who just blow kids like mine off as being bad when he reacts poorly to situations, which honestly hurts my heart, or who probably think I’m not strict enough. But it’s just SO hard and his brain doesn’t work in a way that ultimatums, punishments, or even positive discipline work. If anything a lot of this stuff makes it worse. I recommend posting in the SNs forum because you’re not going to get helpful advice from people with NT kids.

Thank you — yes, this is very similar to what we’re dealing with. He is so sweet and loving, and genuinely wants to please and be loved. It does break my heart that he gets so much redirection and I wonder if other parents do think we are too lax. But we’ve tried everything and it just doesn’t help, sometimes it hurts as you said.

Is your child on medication?

Not yet, but I think we’re headed down that path.

[Anonymous]

When my kid was that age, he hit another kid and I got called in to pick him up that day. We had a conversation afterward - he just had some frustrations building up and he told me that this other kid was just so good at stuff he got mad. (Funny aside, that other kid had the same challenges as mine and my son didn’t see that). My kid was horrified afterwards and I asked him what he thought the consequences should be. He took tv away from himself for a week. We never had another issue, and those two kids are now fast friends.