Can a 16yo watch a 12yo overnight, every night?

[Anonymous]

What hours? Is the 16 year old expected to make / clean up dinner? Is she missing out on social / extracurricular opportunities to do this?

Is there a list of close neighbors / friends that could be called if something were to come up?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I appreciate the replies. I am the parent. We’ve been temporarily doing this but I need to make it permanent, at least for the immediate future. I’m working out a change in schedule at work but have to contractually finish out this period of time. The girls DO have a neighborhood support system in an emergency, and I’m contactable. I was terrified to post this but I truly appreciate your honesty and help.

I posted about the kids being resilient. I was in a situation like this as a teenager and I feel like it was 💯 the right thing for all involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think given the circumstances it’s totally fine. Fine from a safety perspective, and also fine for the 16 year old developmentally.

I agree, especially under the circumstances.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I appreciate the replies. I am the parent. We’ve been temporarily doing this but I need to make it permanent, at least for the immediate future. I’m working out a change in schedule at work but have to contractually finish out this period of time. The girls DO have a neighborhood support system in an emergency, and I’m contactable. I was terrified to post this but I truly appreciate your honesty and help.

Agree with the consensus that in these circumstances it should be fine especially since you’ll be contactable and they have neighborhood adults they can contact in an emergency.

[Anonymous]

I think the bigger worry is the 16 year old having parties or having guys over. A 12 year old should be pretty self-sufficient, that's not the part I'd worry about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I appreciate the replies. I am the parent. We’ve been temporarily doing this but I need to make it permanent, at least for the immediate future. I’m working out a change in schedule at work but have to contractually finish out this period of time. The girls DO have a neighborhood support system in an emergency, and I’m contactable. I was terrified to post this but I truly appreciate your honesty and help.

This sounds totally fine to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I appreciate the replies. I am the parent. We’ve been temporarily doing this but I need to make it permanent, at least for the immediate future. I’m working out a change in schedule at work but have to contractually finish out this period of time. The girls DO have a neighborhood support system in an emergency, and I’m contactable. I was terrified to post this but I truly appreciate your honesty and help.

This sounds totally fine to me.

NP and I agree. If you can add some systems (like doing laundry, laying out school stuff and doing meal prep as a family on your days off together) it will help your DDs feel like they are carrying through their part of a team effort versus bearing responsibility alone.

I was in a situation like this but without a younger sibling at home and I came to enjoy the time in a quiet house and being in charge. Sometimes I got freaked out because it was a secret from neighbors and friends/family so it would have been easier with neighbors on my side.

Good luck! You are a practical parent making it work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ll give another perspective:

In my neighborhood it’s common for 16 year olds to go to other people’s houses and be responsible for their children for many hours. They get paid for this service and end up getting home between midnight and 2am.

If someone asked me for nighttime babysitter recommendations I would give them a list of the 16 and 17 year olds I know. It would be really awkward to find out you were looking for a babysitter for your neurotypical 16 year old.

The “babysitter” presumably would be for the 12 yo — on the assumption that this is too much responsibility to expect of a 16 yo sibling. Most 16 / 17 yo are not doing this for the amount of time - “every night” that the OP is describing.

[Anonymous]

Can the 16 year old handle an emergency? Would they sleep through a smoke alarm? If someone breaks into the house, how would he react? Most 16 can handle the simple issues, but an emergency could test their skills to the limit. Could a parent live with the worst case scenario?

[Anonymous]

I've done this and it was fine. My kids were responsible enough to go to bed at their usual time and get up in the morning and go to school.

[Anonymous]

I hated this as a child. Not having a parent around to talk to to decompress. Not having great meals. Feeling alone. Feeling jumpy when someone knocked on the door, etc. it was awful.

[Anonymous]

I’d definitely get an alarm system for everyone’s peace of mind, make sure smoke detectors work, kids know the evacuation plan (eg do you have fire ladders on 2nd floor? Do they know how to use them?)

[Anonymous]

We have indoor cameras to monitor our anxious pets. You could set up a couple so you can check in on your own.it wasn’t hard to do and not expensive. We got ours at Costco.

[Anonymous]

If at least do cameras on each exterior door so you can monitor who comes into the house.

16 yo does dinner dishes because those only get worse if they wait. Perhaps fewer chores for the 16 yo on other days to compensate for the extra weeknight time.

I think this is fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Assume the parent works overnight. What are your honest thoughts on a (mature, responsible) 16yo and a (mature, responsible) 12yo (both girls) watching themselves 3-4 days a week. The alternative is the parent loses their job, which is niche (think air traffic controller) and salary not easily found elsewhere without experience. Other parent not in picture.

This would be grossly unfair for the 16 yr. old? Once in a great while, yes. For 3/4 nights a week is ridiculous. Air controllers make very high salaries so HIRE someone!