25 y/o DS is stubbornly living an extremely unhealthy lifestlye.

[Anonymous]

Buy him a gym membership and a meal delivery service subscription for a year. It may motivate him. As far as cleaning goes, let it go. Among all the problems from depression, drinking, drugs,guns, violence, cancer, porn, prostitutes, unemployment, bankruptcy, arrest, accidents and what not, dirty house isn't a thing to lose your sleep over or mess your relationship with your only child.

Try to focus on other things, overzealous parents can truly overwhelm an only child with continued helicoptering.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Buy him a gym membership and a meal delivery service subscription for a year. It may motivate him. As far as cleaning goes, let it go. Among all the problems from depression, drinking, drugs,guns, violence, cancer, porn, prostitutes, unemployment, bankruptcy, arrest, accidents and what not, dirty house isn't a thing to lose your sleep over or mess your relationship with your only child.

Try to focus on other things, overzealous parents can truly overwhelm an only child with continued helicoptering.

Agree with all of this except for paying for gym membership. Unless someone was in the habit of going already,a a paid membership is not enough motivation. Becoming more active is a decision that must be made by your son.

Food Delivery sounds like a great idea, to ensure he eats some more food groups (for example Mighty Meals, not anything he has to assemble)

[Anonymous]

He's apparently trying to do his own thing, the more you push OP, the more he will push back. Give him some space and let him make his own choices for a while, healthy or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our son lives about two hours away, and whenever we come to visit him in his apartment, I feel like fainting. His place is a total clutter. I swear, he still has junk from March lying about. It's obvious he doesn't clean anything aside from his clothes, because there's debris everywhere we look and I know he's breathing in all sorts of unhealthy stuff.

We're also worried about his diet. There's nothing remotely healthy in his cupboards or his fridge. Just cheetos, popcorn, oreos, donuts, ice cream, sodas, etc; no meat, vegetables, or fruits of any kind. He has, unsurprisingly, been getting heavier with each visit.

The worst part is that he refuses to change. He always threatens to order us out of his apartment if we show the slightest sign of wanting to clean the place. One time, we brought him a bag of spinach, begged him to eat it(to which he said would consider it,) and on the next visit, that bag of spinach was still rotting in his fridge, unopened. He never wants to eat out with us either.

We've gone as far as to offer to send him a weekly allowance to pay for someone to clean his apartment and so he can buy healthy foods, which of course he has refused. I know it's none of our business how he lives his life, but he's our only child, and I just know he's stuffing his face with sugar and carbs as I type.

I’d leave him alone. You are going to drive him crazy and he will keep it up just to spite you.

[Anonymous]

Honestly? At some point he’ll meet a girl and will care what she thinks enough to do something about it. Until then, meh it’s unlikely to change

[Anonymous]

I have questions about the spinach, OP. Did you wrap it? put it in a bag, like a bottle of wine? Offer a recipe for it? Provide the rest of the meal to go along with it? So many questions.

[Anonymous]

As a mother of two daughters, it’s kind of gross for posters to assume that a girlfriend is going to straighten him out somehow. Do better, parents of sons. How is this (not even minimal adulting) acceptable? There is no way my daughters are putting up with this in a partner.

[Anonymous]

You know what's the best thing in life ?
Growing up
Moving out
Doing whatever you want without Mother telling you what to do.
Amen
Oh and one more thing, my son was involved with two women and both were disgustingly filthy housekeepers. I'm talking gagging upon entering the house. And to think I thought he was messy Marvin. He tried to clean but it did no good.
When I visited I took pictures. Never saw such nastiness in my whole life. When I tried to help clean once I was told to mind my own house. After that I no longer visited.

[Anonymous]

When I was 25 my mother wanted me to leave a log in my apartment of where I was going every time I went out, so in case I were abducted they would know where to start looking. I laughed and hung up.

You have that vibe, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a mother of two daughters, it’s kind of gross for posters to assume that a girlfriend is going to straighten him out somehow. Do better, parents of sons. How is this (not even minimal adulting) acceptable? There is no way my daughters are putting up with this in a partner.

I took it as he’ll find someone he’s interested in and clean up to try and impress. Not that the girlfriend would be in charge of fixing his living situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Buy him a gym membership and a meal delivery service subscription for a year. It may motivate him. As far as cleaning goes, let it go. Among all the problems from depression, drinking, drugs,guns, violence, cancer, porn, prostitutes, unemployment, bankruptcy, arrest, accidents and what not, dirty house isn't a thing to lose your sleep over or mess your relationship with your only child.

Try to focus on other things, overzealous parents can truly overwhelm an only child with continued helicoptering.

Dear god no, do not do this. If I were the son it would do the opposite of motivate me, it would push me to stubbornly be more "me" and resist my parents' intrusion. You tell her not to be overzealous while suggesting something entirely overzealous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a mother of two daughters, it’s kind of gross for posters to assume that a girlfriend is going to straighten him out somehow. Do better, parents of sons. How is this (not even minimal adulting) acceptable? There is no way my daughters are putting up with this in a partner.

That's the exact point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Buy him a gym membership and a meal delivery service subscription for a year. It may motivate him. As far as cleaning goes, let it go. Among all the problems from depression, drinking, drugs,guns, violence, cancer, porn, prostitutes, unemployment, bankruptcy, arrest, accidents and what not, dirty house isn't a thing to lose your sleep over or mess your relationship with your only child.

Try to focus on other things, overzealous parents can truly overwhelm an only child with continued helicoptering.

Dear god no, do not do this. If I were the son it would do the opposite of motivate me, it would push me to stubbornly be more "me" and resist my parents' intrusion. You tell her not to be overzealous while suggesting something entirely overzealous.

That's a one time gift and sounds like a better alternative to what OP is doing.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think there is anything you can do at this point. I have young sons and want to avoid this outcome so I’m wondering how you handled taking care of the house when he was growing up.

Did you teach him to be responsible for himself as he grew up? Did you teach him how to shop for groceries, cook meals, help with household chores and maintenance? Did you involve him in doing these basic things with you as a family or was it more or a constant battle? Or did you always pick up after him, nag him, step in every time he failed to do something so he wouldn’t have any real consequences?

I kept my dorms and apartments clean because it made me feel better and confident when having friends/girls over. Many of my friends did not and it disgusted me. I think it’s because growing up their parents helicoptered over them, etc so they never learned to be a man and take care of themselves.

[Anonymous]

Does he have and keep a job? Does he pay all of his bills?