If your child gets invited to a bar mitzvah, do parents attend?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it is a conservative service your kid can likely come at least 30 minutes late (many members of the temple will roll in late as well).

Not only is it rude to walk in late, but it’s distracting. Be on time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it is a conservative service your kid can likely come at least 30 minutes late (many members of the temple will roll in late as well).

Not only is it rude to walk in late, but it’s distracting. Be on time.

Do you go to a conservative synagogue? People are late all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it is a conservative service your kid can likely come at least 30 minutes late (many members of the temple will roll in late as well).

Not only is it rude to walk in late, but it’s distracting. Be on time.

Depends on the temple. All the conservative mitzvahs I’ve been to the parents actually tell the kids they can come late. Eg “service starts at 9:30 but Torah service is at 10:15 when Larlo will start reading from the Torah.”

Also, people come late all the time. Very different from a reform service, which starts on time and ends on time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have been invited but the ceremony is 3 hours long. I don’t think my children can sit just long. Should our family just decline? Thanks.

My kids bring books to the super long services.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have been invited but the ceremony is 3 hours long. I don’t think my children can sit just long. Should our family just decline? Thanks.

If your children have friends old enough to be bar/bat mitzvah'd then your kids are old enough to sit for three hours.

No that’s not true at all. Jewish kids are probably used to sitting in services that long as they grew up with it. Other kids could have ADHD, ASD, or anything else that might make sitting 3 hours impossible.

DC has several friends with ADHD and they all went to their friends' services and it was fine. Some of them did make sure to sit in the back, next to the aisle near the entrance/exit, and take breaks. It is not uncommon for people to leave to use the bathroom or to take a younger child out to wiggle so a tween with ADHD who needed to walk out every half hour would not really seem out of place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have been invited but the ceremony is 3 hours long. I don’t think my children can sit just long. Should our family just decline? Thanks.

My kids bring books to the super long services.

Don't do this. How rude.

[Anonymous]

OP, thank you for asking here (and also do not hesitate to ask the family who invited you).

Unless this family is close family friends with yours (sounds like no), the invitation is for your child only. The synagogue services are open to all, so you would be welcome to attend if you wanted to, but it wouldn’t be expected that you would stay with your child. The 12/13 year olds are typically dropped off for the service and will sit together. If you think there is a chance your son will have great difficulty sitting respectfully due to SNs or some other circumstance, it would not be a problem for you to stay and help him take breaks, etc., but there are synagogue volunteers who will be keeping an eye to make sure kid guests are supervised.

The party is not open to all, and the name that appears on the invitation is indicative of who is invited. They keep the kids super engaged at these things, it’ll likely be lots of fun. Feel free to drop off.

Thanks for supporting your kid’s friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have been invited but the ceremony is 3 hours long. I don’t think my children can sit just long. Should our family just decline? Thanks.

My kids bring books to the super long services.

Don't do this. How rude.

We are Jews. This is not uncommon, especially at long services and the kids are young. 13 year olds- no but if they will have trouble making it through the service, it’s better to quietly read a book than be disruptive.