Teachers, how would you take this?

[Anonymous]

Sounds like Dad is a school employee or is related to one and knows how real life works. Good for him!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a teacher how would I take it?

Like it was mansplaining the problem to me.

Do I say thanks to a dad because pointing out all the inequities of the system I as a teacher have no control over, but am held accountable for and am operating within constantly?

I don’t know but we are all aware the system is broken. I guess the question is what is he going to do about beyond pointing out the issue. And will his advocacy lift up the people in the system or tear his kids team down?

What would your reaction have been if had been the mom who said this? Or if OP had not mentioned the gender of the parents in her description of the conversation? Would it still be mansplaining? Would you still be annoyed?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a teacher how would I take it?

Like it was mansplaining the problem to me.

Do I say thanks to a dad because pointing out all the inequities of the system I as a teacher have no control over, but am held accountable for and am operating within constantly?

I don’t know but we are all aware the system is broken. I guess the question is what is he going to do about beyond pointing out the issue. And will his advocacy lift up the people in the system or tear his kids team down?

What would your reaction have been if had been the mom who said this? Or if OP had not mentioned the gender of the parents in her description of the conversation? Would it still be mansplaining? Would you still be annoyed?

The weird part isn’t that the man said it. It is that (according to OP) he was silent through out the meeting and then chimed in at the end with a comment that boiled down to “I don’t think the teacher can really do this.”

If the mom was silent during the meeting, yes I would look at the comment as being manipulative because concerns should be addressed throughout. There are 2 options here for what he wanted:
- he was genuine concerned for the teacher’s workload. OR
- He is concerned his daughter isn’t/wont be getting real services.

He has set up the next meeting where he needs an advocate because he already voiced his concerns (At the very end of a meeting) and they weren’t met.

Sure, leave room for the possibility that he is acting out of concern for the well being of the kid or teacher. It could be!

It feels a bit patriarchal to have a Dad come in at the very end of the meeting (since mom chiming in during the entire meeting) to say “yeah, that probably won’t happen” without saying things throughout the meeting.

If Mom had done that, said nothing throughout the meeting and then was disparaging at the end, no it wouldnt’ be mansplaining, just manipulative. So, that’s my internalized misogyny using 2 different words to explain the same feeling that he isn’t trusting the teaching team.

Frankly, as a SPED parent and teacher I get where dad is coming from. Unfortunately we have the realities of a teaching crisis and not enough teachers as it is, so few kids are the most optimal development possible, but they are getting a basic education. This isn’t just a teaching crisis (see the Kaiser strike as an example) but in person workers everywhere are stressed. Maybe he was trying to fight for the teacher, but the way he did it was strange.

[Anonymous]

I must be the only one reading into this a different way. Seems like the child needs a lot more work than expected and this may not be the right fit for the child. If he is that concerned, he should look at other placements. There is no solution to his question, it is just questions left unanswered. He can always volunteer his time in the classroom to help support the teacher.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow. That dad was advocating for the teacher and his kid at the same time. I’m impressed

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I must be the only one reading into this a different way. Seems like the child needs a lot more work than expected and this may not be the right fit for the child. If he is that concerned, he should look at other placements. There is no solution to his question, it is just questions left unanswered. He can always volunteer his time in the classroom to help support the teacher.

That’s assuming your school is not totally discouraging or even not allowing parents to come in “due to Covid …” We are allowed one 30 minute visit, pre arranged and pre planned with the teacher and the principal. Usually limited to 1x a month so “everyone has a chance.” FCPS non-cat preschool. My other child at another school doesn’t have an IEP and this is the first year since Covid that they are allowing room parents again.

[Anonymous]

At every IEP meeting, the principal, sped teacher, and GenEd teacher have a preliminary meeting before the parents are invited in. It’s obvious that they already have a plan before the parent ever enters the room and is permitted to speak. Honestly, there’s not much air time given to the parent. And, it is obvious that they pre-decided everything ahead of the parent. It’s a frustrating process and a lot of hoop dee do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At every IEP meeting, the principal, sped teacher, and GenEd teacher have a preliminary meeting before the parents are invited in. It’s obvious that they already have a plan before the parent ever enters the room and is permitted to speak. Honestly, there’s not much air time given to the parent. And, it is obvious that they pre-decided everything ahead of the parent. It’s a frustrating process and a lot of hoop dee do.

This is not true. The case manager gets input from the teachers and crafts a draft IEP from it that parents get in Prior Written Notice. They then come to the meeting to either agree to the IEP or ask for changes. There is no special meeting beforehand as parents have to be there as part of the team. And nobody is ambushed because again, PWN. Quit making stuff up.

[Anonymous]

My husband does that sort of thing. He has a high IQ, but low processing speed. It takes time for everything to fall into place so he can formulate a response. So he would totally be the type to not say a word, then come out with a comment that pinpoints exactly the weakness in the plan. He doesn't not take into consideration anyone's feelings, and does not intend any offense. It's all a matter of who will do what and is that feasible with their existing workload. It's the the troubleshooting sort of discussion, not the aspirational sort of discussion.

If the Principal was offended, then he or she is just as stupid as a previous teacher PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Smart dad.

This. He understands resource limitations, doesn’t want the teacher thrown under the bus, due to a plan developed by someone that has no clue what goes on in today’s classrooms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow. That dad was advocating for the teacher and his kid at the same time. I’m impressed

That's how I read it. Finally someone says something that we are all thinking but too scared to ask.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was in a student's special education meeting and we were all talking (the school team) with the parents and the mom was sort of sitting through the discussions and contributing while the father was sort of silently sitting there until the very end when the group proposed a plan (with a plan to check on the plan in six weeks) and he said "this all sounds like a great plan, but does Teacher X have everything she needs to actually accomplish what we all spent the past hour discussing? Because it doesn't seem fair to her or everyone's time if we reconvene and the answer is that circumstances prevented certain aspects of the plan (interventions, record keeping, etc) to actually be accomplished in a meaningful way. She has 28 students and this seems like a bit more work for her to take on." It got very weird after he spoke.

I was one of the teachers in the group (not the classroom teacher) and our principal actually took offense. I'm not sure if this makes sense, though. Am I missing something?

This seems like well known “good guy/bad guy” tactic you’ll find playing out in any serious negotiation.

Both parents likely knew what their role in the meeting would be beforehand, and it seems like they executed it with precision.

The parents also put the principal and school district on notice of what they’ll be sued for if they don’t execute the IEP.

Overloaded educator. Unqualified educator. Educator Absenteeism. Difficulties finding Qualified assistant or replacement educators. All these “circumstances” are simply pretext for discrimination.

The school must educate the student properly or else pay for their education elsewhere. This would have been a proper response from the principal to the parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At every IEP meeting, the principal, sped teacher, and GenEd teacher have a preliminary meeting before the parents are invited in. It’s obvious that they already have a plan before the parent ever enters the room and is permitted to speak. Honestly, there’s not much air time given to the parent. And, it is obvious that they pre-decided everything ahead of the parent. It’s a frustrating process and a lot of hoop dee do.

I've taught for 20 years and been at three different schools....we never had a before meeting.

[Anonymous]

The dad needs to push for a written plan and regular reports. He needs to become the IEP police. Ask for service logs and the data sheets.

We did this and demonstrated that the school was not following the IEP. We pulled in someone from the county. We showed that we were not going to give up. The school system is now paying for outside tutoring because of this.

Parents have to push and push.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. That dad was advocating for the teacher and his kid at the same time. I’m impressed

That's how I read it. Finally someone says something that we are all thinking but too scared to ask.

The problem is there is no answer. No one is taking more jobs, the principal has no one to shift the work load too but other overloaded employees. There is no one there. So sure, ‘great question Dad’ if you feel that way, but there is no answer for him that anyone in that room can control.

It is like walking into Kaiser during the strike and asking why your prescription can’t be filled by the pharmacist. Because everyone is stressed out and on strike because everyone is trying to cover for all the lost employees to get your prescription. It’s a labor crisis, a systemic issue, the people in that room aren’t really the ones who are going to control it.