Fairly balancing both families

[Anonymous]

Have 3 sister-in-laws and see a range of how they handle the in-law relationship. Most posters on DCUm are too intense and want to find fault, when getting along doesn't have to be hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One piece of advice: don’t expect your DIL to fix what your son won’t do. Especially if you did a bad job teaching him to manage his share of emotional labor.

X a million.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is the saying: When your daughter marries you gain a son. When your son marries you lose a son.

Many sons don't think that much about putting effort into making family things happen. And in this day and age where the women won't do it for them, it can be even worse.

No, the saying is:

A son who has been raised to see family as “women’s work”
Will likely grow up to be a careless jerk
And modern women are wise nowadays
And won’t pick up the slack to fix their careless ways

So raise your sons and daughters with greater care
Teach them family work is work to share

That's not really it. I really do think that women gravitate toward their own families when they have kids. I know I voluntarily talk to my mom about my kids much more than I ever did with my MIL (I like my MIL just fine, but it's not the same). I don't find talking about my kids and seeing my own family as work though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have 3 sister-in-laws and see a range of how they handle the in-law relationship. Most posters on DCUm are too intense and want to find fault, when getting along doesn't have to be hard.

It isn't if interests don't collide. My in-laws were hell bent to move in with us. Unfortunately we didn't have social, financial, logistical, mental or physical ability to support two elderly immigrants while building our lives and raising children under 4.

[Anonymous]

*if interests collide

[Anonymous]

It was easier for them to live with family in home country with their other children while we sent money to hire live in helpers round the clock.

[Anonymous]

We make a concerted effort to be fair. My parents did the same. Hopefully, we were good role models and DC will do likewise.

[Anonymous]

People's expectations are unfairly different for DILs and SILs.