Fraternity for a decent human being

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since everyone else is throwing you under the bus for this question, I will provide one normal answer. He needs to do more research, talk to guys who end up in the various frats and find one that suits him more.

My DS is a very non-greek type and he found a place that was perfect for him. Every campus will have one I'd think. I will say that yes this IS something he will have to do himself but no reason not to lend moral support.

If he's in a frat, he's not a non-greek type.

Sorry but you're wrong. He only rushed becasue his roommate wanted to and he didn't want to be left out. Texted me at 1 AM after the midnight deadline to sign up saying he just wasted $50 because there's no way he's pledging. Guess what? You (anonymous DCUM poster) do not know everything (or even anything). He found a group of guys just like him who just happen to be in a fraternity and loves it. He has not been hazed. Yes I know he hasn't because he told me at the first sign of it, he's leaving. He will be living in the house next year, and can't wait. I am thankful that he found this group because it has really expanded his friend circle and social life and hes a very introverted, non party, hard working student type.

At least that's what you're being told

you must have an absolutely terrible relationship with your kids that you need to share your negative, skeptical, parent hating (or is it child hating?) perspective all the time on this board. Not everyone is living your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Since everyone else is throwing you under the bus for this question, I will provide one normal answer. He needs to do more research, talk to guys who end up in the various frats and find one that suits him more.

My DS is a very non-greek type and he found a place that was perfect for him. Every campus will have one I'd think. I will say that yes this IS something he will have to do himself but no reason not to lend moral support.

I agree with this advice.

I wasn't sure what the details of the post would be before I opened this, but I was certain there would be a flood of posters telling OP to "land the helicopter." I wish people would just not respond to posts if they don't have advice/answers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since everyone else is throwing you under the bus for this question, I will provide one normal answer. He needs to do more research, talk to guys who end up in the various frats and find one that suits him more.

My DS is a very non-greek type and he found a place that was perfect for him. Every campus will have one I'd think. I will say that yes this IS something he will have to do himself but no reason not to lend moral support.

I agree with this advice.

I wasn't sure what the details of the post would be before I opened this, but I was certain there would be a flood of posters telling OP to "land the helicopter." I wish people would just not respond to posts if they don't have advice/answers.

"Mom, back off and let your adult son solve his own social problems" IS the correct advice and the answer.

[Anonymous]

Good thing is he has more time now. Once he is settled and making connections without a fraternity, he may have less interest. If not, he can look on the college's website to research what sanctions the fraternities have had, that may knock some out of the running. He can see what fraternities guys in clubs, orgs, classes are in that he likes. If he joins the disc golf club and 15 of the guys are in the same fraternity that might be a good sign.

[Anonymous]

I disagree with parents backing off of the kid wants help.

Many, many kids pledge fraternities and sororities based on their parents' connections, advice, experiences, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son just finished recruitment for a fraternity at a Big State U in the Northeast. He just picked one house because he already knew people there who he liked. He went through several rounds and seemed to really connect with the people. The last event was an invite only event which involved having 30 members throw questions at him. It sounds like there was an alpha male who wanted him to profess his blind support for the group. He wondered if he said the right thing. He never heard back from them. He saw on instagram that they were having a bid night event without him.

If you saw my son's LinkedIn page, your overall impression would be that he is a decent human being. He's done volunteer projects and received most improved player for sports. He likes to have fun with friends and attend sports events. He drinks but I don't think he binges - has a cautious disposition.

The college has spring recruitment as well. One idea is to research the houses more through Instagram etc. What is the vibe? Do these guys take themselves too seriously? Are they slobs? Misfits? etc. Try again considering more options than just one house?

I also see service fraternities - may not be a fit - could be too pious or overly wholesome. A business fraternity looks like a possible good option - he's interested in business and it's open to all majors and genders and it's focused on personal and professional development and they also have outings and events.

He was drawn to the Greek system because it looked like fun. It would be an automatic group of people to hang out with some structured events.

Any other suggestions?

Wonder no more as it seems clear that your son did not say the right thing.

He probably said let me check with my mom first.

[Anonymous]

My kid who sounds like your DS joined the coed business fraternity at JMU and made some of his best college friends there.

[Anonymous]

ehh I will disagree with the recommendation for business fraternities. At some schools, those haze even worse than the social frats.

[Anonymous]

If he’s asking you for advice, I’d suggest he reach out to the people he knew in the fraternity before rushing and ask them what happened.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since everyone else is throwing you under the bus for this question, I will provide one normal answer. He needs to do more research, talk to guys who end up in the various frats and find one that suits him more.

My DS is a very non-greek type and he found a place that was perfect for him. Every campus will have one I'd think. I will say that yes this IS something he will have to do himself but no reason not to lend moral support.

If he's in a frat, he's not a non-greek type.

Sorry but you're wrong. He only rushed becasue his roommate wanted to and he didn't want to be left out. Texted me at 1 AM after the midnight deadline to sign up saying he just wasted $50 because there's no way he's pledging. Guess what? You (anonymous DCUM poster) do not know everything (or even anything). He found a group of guys just like him who just happen to be in a fraternity and loves it. He has not been hazed. Yes I know he hasn't because he told me at the first sign of it, he's leaving. He will be living in the house next year, and can't wait. I am thankful that he found this group because it has really expanded his friend circle and social life and hes a very introverted, non party, hard working student type.

You're pathetically defensive. He's in a frat. He's Greek. Your precious snowflake is a frat boy. Get over yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid who sounds like your DS joined the coed business fraternity at JMU and made some of his best college friends there.

So did mine, at Tulane.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he’s asking you for advice, I’d suggest he reach out to the people he knew in the fraternity before rushing and ask them what happened.

“Sorry man, the consensus among the brothers was that you suck.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since everyone else is throwing you under the bus for this question, I will provide one normal answer. He needs to do more research, talk to guys who end up in the various frats and find one that suits him more.

My DS is a very non-greek type and he found a place that was perfect for him. Every campus will have one I'd think. I will say that yes this IS something he will have to do himself but no reason not to lend moral support.

If he's in a frat, he's not a non-greek type.

Sorry but you're wrong. He only rushed becasue his roommate wanted to and he didn't want to be left out. Texted me at 1 AM after the midnight deadline to sign up saying he just wasted $50 because there's no way he's pledging. Guess what? You (anonymous DCUM poster) do not know everything (or even anything). He found a group of guys just like him who just happen to be in a fraternity and loves it. He has not been hazed. Yes I know he hasn't because he told me at the first sign of it, he's leaving. He will be living in the house next year, and can't wait. I am thankful that he found this group because it has really expanded his friend circle and social life and hes a very introverted, non party, hard working student type.

You're pathetically defensive. He's in a frat. He's Greek. Your precious snowflake is a frat boy. Get over yourself.

Do you always judge people you don’t know anything about just by labels? Charming personality trait!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, stay out of it, Mom. He doesn’t need or want your help on finding a fraternity

Actually, it kind of sounds like he tells her everything and asks for advice. OP - I have no advice. The Greek system is so stupid. I hope he can find his people elsewhere. Maybe he should volunteer at an animal shelter or something.

This. He sounds better than those guys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid who sounds like your DS joined the coed business fraternity at JMU and made some of his best college friends there.

So did mine, at Tulane.

This sounds like a good idea. Or some other group on campus with a tight reason to hang out often. Coed is a great idea in college!!!