friendships and ADHD kids

[Anonymous]

I've been consistently worried about my now 5th grade 10-year-old DS. He's been in some social situations, summer camps and busses, where he has been bullied or not made friends. He's also had periods at school where he was alone at recess or didn't like anyone in his main classroom.

He has a BFF who is a head taller and 10 months older - and is very social and well-liked; BFF is an intelligent kid who also loves all the sports. My kid abhors team sports and the kids who seem to discuss nothing but them. These boys have been friends since they were four and they have enough overlapping interests (Minecraft, Pokemon, etc.) that they've stayed tight. I think having that one good friend has given my kid confidence.

In 5th, he seems to have found his groove. He's made friends with a bunch of boys, and many of them have or seem to have their own social issues. And they all seem like nice kids. It's a fairly big school (six classes per grade), and these kids have fortunately found each other. He gets invited to birthdays and occasional playdates (though part of that is my fault as i just don't have the energy to be hosting often - there are 10 boys who I could reach out to for a playdate tomorrow).

Honestly, I think the successes my son has socially are largely due to his being an extrovert. He'll try to make friends with everyone. Some kids definitely find him weird. But he keeps trying. And he's now found a nice group of kids to hang with. We've encouraged him to embrace his weird, while also coaching him about some of his habits that others could find off-putting.

Fingers crossed that the good stuff lasts. We haven't medicated yet. He has ADHD-inattentive and while he clearly frequently misses some lessons in school, he's only rarely been disruptive. He's bright, and that is definitely masking some of his learning challenges.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been consistently worried about my now 5th grade 10-year-old DS. He's been in some social situations, summer camps and busses, where he has been bullied or not made friends. He's also had periods at school where he was alone at recess or didn't like anyone in his main classroom.

He has a BFF who is a head taller and 10 months older - and is very social and well-liked; BFF is an intelligent kid who also loves all the sports. My kid abhors team sports and the kids who seem to discuss nothing but them. These boys have been friends since they were four and they have enough overlapping interests (Minecraft, Pokemon, etc.) that they've stayed tight. I think having that one good friend has given my kid confidence.

In 5th, he seems to have found his groove. He's made friends with a bunch of boys, and many of them have or seem to have their own social issues. And they all seem like nice kids. It's a fairly big school (six classes per grade), and these kids have fortunately found each other. He gets invited to birthdays and occasional playdates (though part of that is my fault as i just don't have the energy to be hosting often - there are 10 boys who I could reach out to for a playdate tomorrow).

Honestly, I think the successes my son has socially are largely due to his being an extrovert. He'll try to make friends with everyone. Some kids definitely find him weird. But he keeps trying. And he's now found a nice group of kids to hang with. We've encouraged him to embrace his weird, while also coaching him about some of his habits that others could find off-putting.

Fingers crossed that the good stuff lasts. We haven't medicated yet. He has ADHD-inattentive and while he clearly frequently misses some lessons in school, he's only rarely been disruptive. He's bright, and that is definitely masking some of his learning challenges.

He’s 10 in 5th grade? That’s seems very young.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've been consistently worried about my now 5th grade 10-year-old DS. He's been in some social situations, summer camps and busses, where he has been bullied or not made friends. He's also had periods at school where he was alone at recess or didn't like anyone in his main classroom.

He has a BFF who is a head taller and 10 months older - and is very social and well-liked; BFF is an intelligent kid who also loves all the sports. My kid abhors team sports and the kids who seem to discuss nothing but them. These boys have been friends since they were four and they have enough overlapping interests (Minecraft, Pokemon, etc.) that they've stayed tight. I think having that one good friend has given my kid confidence.

In 5th, he seems to have found his groove. He's made friends with a bunch of boys, and many of them have or seem to have their own social issues. And they all seem like nice kids. It's a fairly big school (six classes per grade), and these kids have fortunately found each other. He gets invited to birthdays and occasional playdates (though part of that is my fault as i just don't have the energy to be hosting often - there are 10 boys who I could reach out to for a playdate tomorrow).

Honestly, I think the successes my son has socially are largely due to his being an extrovert. He'll try to make friends with everyone. Some kids definitely find him weird. But he keeps trying. And he's now found a nice group of kids to hang with. We've encouraged him to embrace his weird, while also coaching him about some of his habits that others could find off-putting.

Fingers crossed that the good stuff lasts. We haven't medicated yet. He has ADHD-inattentive and while he clearly frequently misses some lessons in school, he's only rarely been disruptive. He's bright, and that is definitely masking some of his learning challenges.

He’s 10 in 5th grade? That’s seems very young.

Most fifth graders are 10 turning 11.

[Anonymous]

It never got better for my current 10th grader. Lots of acquaintances and no friends. Into sports and nice, friendly good looking kid. He just can't keep any friendships. Breaks my heart every day. We tried social skills group but it was not at all helpful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It never got better for my current 10th grader. Lots of acquaintances and no friends. Into sports and nice, friendly good looking kid. He just can't keep any friendships. Breaks my heart every day. We tried social skills group but it was not at all helpful.

Do you think this will also translate to not be able to sustain a romantic relationship?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've been consistently worried about my now 5th grade 10-year-old DS. He's been in some social situations, summer camps and busses, where he has been bullied or not made friends. He's also had periods at school where he was alone at recess or didn't like anyone in his main classroom.

He has a BFF who is a head taller and 10 months older - and is very social and well-liked; BFF is an intelligent kid who also loves all the sports. My kid abhors team sports and the kids who seem to discuss nothing but them. These boys have been friends since they were four and they have enough overlapping interests (Minecraft, Pokemon, etc.) that they've stayed tight. I think having that one good friend has given my kid confidence.

In 5th, he seems to have found his groove. He's made friends with a bunch of boys, and many of them have or seem to have their own social issues. And they all seem like nice kids. It's a fairly big school (six classes per grade), and these kids have fortunately found each other. He gets invited to birthdays and occasional playdates (though part of that is my fault as i just don't have the energy to be hosting often - there are 10 boys who I could reach out to for a playdate tomorrow).

Honestly, I think the successes my son has socially are largely due to his being an extrovert. He'll try to make friends with everyone. Some kids definitely find him weird. But he keeps trying. And he's now found a nice group of kids to hang with. We've encouraged him to embrace his weird, while also coaching him about some of his habits that others could find off-putting.

Fingers crossed that the good stuff lasts. We haven't medicated yet. He has ADHD-inattentive and while he clearly frequently misses some lessons in school, he's only rarely been disruptive. He's bright, and that is definitely masking some of his learning challenges.

He’s 10 in 5th grade? That’s seems very young.

Most fifth graders are 10 turning 11.

Third grader just turned 9 and most of his classmates are as well. That means they will all be turning 10 in fourth grade and they will be turning 11 at the beginning of fifth grade.

[Anonymous]

It never got better for my current 10th grader. Lots of acquaintances and no friends. Into sports and nice, friendly good looking kid. He just can't keep any friendships. Breaks my heart every day. We tried social skills group but it was not at all helpful.

My 9th grade son is the same. We are going to try a PEERS program this summer to see if it helps. He does not have time for it during the school year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've been consistently worried about my now 5th grade 10-year-old DS. He's been in some social situations, summer camps and busses, where he has been bullied or not made friends. He's also had periods at school where he was alone at recess or didn't like anyone in his main classroom.

He has a BFF who is a head taller and 10 months older - and is very social and well-liked; BFF is an intelligent kid who also loves all the sports. My kid abhors team sports and the kids who seem to discuss nothing but them. These boys have been friends since they were four and they have enough overlapping interests (Minecraft, Pokemon, etc.) that they've stayed tight. I think having that one good friend has given my kid confidence.

In 5th, he seems to have found his groove. He's made friends with a bunch of boys, and many of them have or seem to have their own social issues. And they all seem like nice kids. It's a fairly big school (six classes per grade), and these kids have fortunately found each other. He gets invited to birthdays and occasional playdates (though part of that is my fault as i just don't have the energy to be hosting often - there are 10 boys who I could reach out to for a playdate tomorrow).

Honestly, I think the successes my son has socially are largely due to his being an extrovert. He'll try to make friends with everyone. Some kids definitely find him weird. But he keeps trying. And he's now found a nice group of kids to hang with. We've encouraged him to embrace his weird, while also coaching him about some of his habits that others could find off-putting.

Fingers crossed that the good stuff lasts. We haven't medicated yet. He has ADHD-inattentive and while he clearly frequently misses some lessons in school, he's only rarely been disruptive. He's bright, and that is definitely masking some of his learning challenges.

He’s 10 in 5th grade? That’s seems very young.

Most fifth graders are 10 turning 11.

Third grader just turned 9 and most of his classmates are as well. That means they will all be turning 10 in fourth grade and they will be turning 11 at the beginning of fifth grade.

It depends if the school groups by Jan birthdays (most publics) or sept birthdays (most privates)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've been consistently worried about my now 5th grade 10-year-old DS. He's been in some social situations, summer camps and busses, where he has been bullied or not made friends. He's also had periods at school where he was alone at recess or didn't like anyone in his main classroom.

He has a BFF who is a head taller and 10 months older - and is very social and well-liked; BFF is an intelligent kid who also loves all the sports. My kid abhors team sports and the kids who seem to discuss nothing but them. These boys have been friends since they were four and they have enough overlapping interests (Minecraft, Pokemon, etc.) that they've stayed tight. I think having that one good friend has given my kid confidence.

In 5th, he seems to have found his groove. He's made friends with a bunch of boys, and many of them have or seem to have their own social issues. And they all seem like nice kids. It's a fairly big school (six classes per grade), and these kids have fortunately found each other. He gets invited to birthdays and occasional playdates (though part of that is my fault as i just don't have the energy to be hosting often - there are 10 boys who I could reach out to for a playdate tomorrow).

Honestly, I think the successes my son has socially are largely due to his being an extrovert. He'll try to make friends with everyone. Some kids definitely find him weird. But he keeps trying. And he's now found a nice group of kids to hang with. We've encouraged him to embrace his weird, while also coaching him about some of his habits that others could find off-putting.

Fingers crossed that the good stuff lasts. We haven't medicated yet. He has ADHD-inattentive and while he clearly frequently misses some lessons in school, he's only rarely been disruptive. He's bright, and that is definitely masking some of his learning challenges.

He’s 10 in 5th grade? That’s seems very young.

Most fifth graders are 10 turning 11.

Third grader just turned 9 and most of his classmates are as well. That means they will all be turning 10 in fourth grade and they will be turning 11 at the beginning of fifth grade.

It depends if the school groups by Jan birthdays (most publics) or sept birthdays (most privates)

Nope. Most are September.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wanted to mention that in 6th, 7th and 8th grade my DD's friend group changed a lot, which I think is typical in middle school. But there were some new faces that I distinctly remember had struggled when they were younger and have ADHD. I think it gets better when they're older and can regulate a bit more, or pick up on social cues more.

+1

My kid struggled a lot in 5th and 6th. He was really immature and annoying - his medication had worn off in the afternoons/evenings. Many of his long-time friendships fizzled out. In 7th and 8th, he matured a lot and started picking up on social cues and has been building up a new group of friends. He still struggles a bit but it's getting better.

Our DS is in 7th now and were starting to see this alot more. It's actually astonishing how much better he is at all of it--like you said, not perfect but just crazy the difference between 6th and 7th!

[Anonymous]

What I see my 5th grade DS struggle the most with is catastrophizing any slightly negative social experience into "the worst time ever," "no one likes me," etc. He doesn't seem to be able to roll with the punches and move on, and that has hampered him socially. Yet observationally when we attend school events or parties kids seek him out and seem to want to be around him, he has a few close friends from the past few years we've lived here, and pushes himself to make new friends at camps, in sport, and in new experiences. His lens is just consistently negative and that's what I worry about the most.

[Anonymous]

Parents on here with girls - when did you medicate and when do you wish you medicated? Also, when did you first get an eval and did you include the school? Our oldest DD is four and in private - just started Pre-K. She is young for the grade (late Spring birthday) but is doing well so far socially and academically and is very gifted athletically. We suspect ADHD for a number of reasons (difficulty with transitions, low tolerance for things not going her way, impulsive to the point of needing to get stitches on several occasions because of risk taking) plus strong family history of adhd on both sides. Teachers have not said anything and ped said everything we described was normal for her age but we want to get ahead of things because she is already young for her grade and in a very competitive academic environment.