Say something or let it go?

[Anonymous]

I'm stunned that someone would buy a ticket for an event, not go, and then call the credit card company after the event asking for a refund.

"You see, my friend said she was going, but it's not something I'd normally do...Yes, I'll hold."

[Anonymous]

Something sort of similar happened to us, long time ago back in our super penny pinching days. It wasn't an event, but a local-ish road trip of sorts (2 hours by car). It wasn't really in our budget to go because it required a hotel stay in a resort town, but we liked this couple enough to make the sacrifice. We road-tripped to the location just to be stood up by this couple. We felt humiliated thinking we must have misunderstood the invite, but no it was just this couple being selfish pricks. Prior to this we had a really nice friendship, but we never did anything socially with them again after that. Went from dinners out, to zero communication. That was 18 years ago.

[Anonymous]

OP, I definitely get why you're annoyed. I really hate friends like that (truthfully, my husband is sort of like that, but I've tried to beat it out of him). In my husband's case, he wouldn't care if someone did it to him, so maybe your friends are like that (and not necessarily jerks?)

In any event, the lesson learned here is that they're flakes, which sucks.

What was the event?

[Anonymous]

I really have to know - what was the event?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you buy tickets for you and your husband or also her and her husband. If you didn’t buy her tickets I would only be mad if she knew that you were buying tickets only because they were also buying tickets. Otherwise, she might not have realized that your plan was dependent on them going.

For example, if we are going to a movie with friends and the friends can’t make it, it doesn’t matter because we will still enjoy the movie.

This is OP and we only bought tickets for ourselves. I did mention to my friend that we wouldn’t be going when I realized they wouldn’t be going - as I mentioned, this is not an activity my husband and I would have attended/bought tickets for on our own. We were interested in going with them as a group, but this event is outside of our normal scope of interests.

Did she know you were only going because you thought they were going? Usually people coordinate buying tickets. If she didn’t know, you have no reason to be upset. If she did know, then you should have told her you were disappointed they had changed your plans when she told you they weren’t going. From your description, I’m not sure she considered it a plan with you, instead of an event you both might attend.

No, she definitely talked about it as a plan we were creating together. Hence why she asked - more than once - and why we nailed down a day together.

As I said, I even brought it up earlier last week to confirm we were on, and she said we were. It wasn’t until Friday that she said her husband had found this other thing to do and that they “should” be able to make it (even though the event is several states away). It became clear there was no way they would make it.

I bought the tickets as part of our jointly decided upon plan to attend the event. As mentioned, I would not elect to do the event just my husband and myself.

So your last conversation was your friend said she was still going? Are you sure they didn't actually go?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Something sort of similar happened to us, long time ago back in our super penny pinching days. It wasn't an event, but a local-ish road trip of sorts (2 hours by car). It wasn't really in our budget to go because it required a hotel stay in a resort town, but we liked this couple enough to make the sacrifice. We road-tripped to the location just to be stood up by this couple. We felt humiliated thinking we must have misunderstood the invite, but no it was just this couple being selfish pricks. Prior to this we had a really nice friendship, but we never did anything socially with them again after that. Went from dinners out, to zero communication. That was 18 years ago.

I'd be pissed too. You did the right thing by dropping them after that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you buy tickets for you and your husband or also her and her husband. If you didn’t buy her tickets I would only be mad if she knew that you were buying tickets only because they were also buying tickets. Otherwise, she might not have realized that your plan was dependent on them going.

For example, if we are going to a movie with friends and the friends can’t make it, it doesn’t matter because we will still enjoy the movie.

This is OP and we only bought tickets for ourselves. I did mention to my friend that we wouldn’t be going when I realized they wouldn’t be going - as I mentioned, this is not an activity my husband and I would have attended/bought tickets for on our own. We were interested in going with them as a group, but this event is outside of our normal scope of interests.

Did she know you were only going because you thought they were going? Usually people coordinate buying tickets. If she didn’t know, you have no reason to be upset. If she did know, then you should have told her you were disappointed they had changed your plans when she told you they weren’t going. From your description, I’m not sure she considered it a plan with you, instead of an event you both might attend.

No, she definitely talked about it as a plan we were creating together. Hence why she asked - more than once - and why we nailed down a day together.

As I said, I even brought it up earlier last week to confirm we were on, and she said we were. It wasn’t until Friday that she said her husband had found this other thing to do and that they “should” be able to make it (even though the event is several states away). It became clear there was no way they would make it.

I bought the tickets as part of our jointly decided upon plan to attend the event. As mentioned, I would not elect to do the event just my husband and myself.

So your last conversation was your friend said she was still going? Are you sure they didn't actually go?

Not OP, but it sounds like there was a conversation during which her friend said her husband was going out of town but they would still go. OP questioned how they would still make it and the friend finally admitted that they wouldn't. At least that's what it sounded like to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you buy tickets for you and your husband or also her and her husband. If you didn’t buy her tickets I would only be mad if she knew that you were buying tickets only because they were also buying tickets. Otherwise, she might not have realized that your plan was dependent on them going.

For example, if we are going to a movie with friends and the friends can’t make it, it doesn’t matter because we will still enjoy the movie.

This is OP and we only bought tickets for ourselves. I did mention to my friend that we wouldn’t be going when I realized they wouldn’t be going - as I mentioned, this is not an activity my husband and I would have attended/bought tickets for on our own. We were interested in going with them as a group, but this event is outside of our normal scope of interests.

At least you’re not out the money for her tickets. Treat this as a learning moment.

Who would let themselves be out the money for her tickets? I'd calmly tell her that they cost $X and she can give me cash or Venmo. Remind as necessary.

OP only bought tickets for her own family.

[Anonymous]

Yes. It is annoying and I would say something to your friend in a nice way. You could tell her that you bought the tickets thinking you were going with her and her husband. She needs to know this because I guarantee it, she will keep doing it. She needs to know that she can't be a flake with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Something sort of similar happened to us, long time ago back in our super penny pinching days. It wasn't an event, but a local-ish road trip of sorts (2 hours by car). It wasn't really in our budget to go because it required a hotel stay in a resort town, but we liked this couple enough to make the sacrifice. We road-tripped to the location just to be stood up by this couple. We felt humiliated thinking we must have misunderstood the invite, but no it was just this couple being selfish pricks. Prior to this we had a really nice friendship, but we never did anything socially with them again after that. Went from dinners out, to zero communication. That was 18 years ago.

I'd be pissed too. You did the right thing by dropping them after that.

Thing is, I don't think they even gave a second thought about what they did. We just blocked them from our lives completely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. It is annoying and I would say something to your friend in a nice way. You could tell her that you bought the tickets thinking you were going with her and her husband. She needs to know this because I guarantee it, she will keep doing it. She needs to know that she can't be a flake with you.

+1 She seems like she was in the wrong but see what she has to say.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Something sort of similar happened to us, long time ago back in our super penny pinching days. It wasn't an event, but a local-ish road trip of sorts (2 hours by car). It wasn't really in our budget to go because it required a hotel stay in a resort town, but we liked this couple enough to make the sacrifice. We road-tripped to the location just to be stood up by this couple. We felt humiliated thinking we must have misunderstood the invite, but no it was just this couple being selfish pricks. Prior to this we had a really nice friendship, but we never did anything socially with them again after that. Went from dinners out, to zero communication. That was 18 years ago.

I'd be pissed too. You did the right thing by dropping them after that.

Thing is, I don't think they even gave a second thought about what they did. We just blocked them from our lives completely.

And that's exactly why you made the right choice to block them. People like that will never admit that they're unkind or narcissistic. They'll justify their behavior all day long and will keep doing it. There's just no future with the friendship once you see it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. It is annoying and I would say something to your friend in a nice way. You could tell her that you bought the tickets thinking you were going with her and her husband. She needs to know this because I guarantee it, she will keep doing it. She needs to know that she can't be a flake with you.

+1 She seems like she was in the wrong but see what she has to say.

-1 There's nothing left to say. OP already talked to her prior to the event and she wouldn't even come clean about ditching OP until OP forced the conversation. It's not like OP is wondering whether the friend is in the hospital. Friend is fine after making the conscious decision to ditch OP. Nothing more to discuss.

[Anonymous]

I'd invoice her for the tickets.

[Anonymous]

Everyone would be pissed by this behavior.

The only remedy is in the future if you make plans with someone you have the least bit worry about you have a plan A which is everything goes as agreed, and a plan B which is what you will do if the friends back out at the last minute.

That way you aren't upset when it happens and you have arranged to have a good time anyway or enjoy not going.