If your DIL…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Something like this happened at my former job. A dear coworker wanted to leave early to be there for her son's child being born. Government job with plenty of leave but the supervisor hated my coworker and said no because "it's not even your daughter." My coworker responded that her DIL's mother was deceased. She was very upset and quit soon after.

I absolutely think the birth of a grandchild is a reason to skip work. You have no idea of their circumstances. It could be a first child after a pregnancy loss.

I would have filed an EEOC complaint.

[Anonymous]

I'm confused why you are crowd sourcing this. Is it allowed to miss work due to the birth of a grandchild? Yes. Period. No questions to ask. It's not your job to determine if it is reasonable, somebody already determined that.

You are the exact reason why places need unions because managers try to apply their own weird and oddly irrational thought patterns to managing.

Luckily you don't have to think about it. There are HR rules and you follow them.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t skip a work event. I’d see the baby the next day. But if it’s super important to you to hang out at a hospital all day that’s fine too if your son and DIL are fine with it. I would excuse myself to take a call if the baby was delivered while I was at the event and they called to tell me. New babies are such a wonderful event for most families but the joy and excitement lasts beyond the moment and you don’t have to be there for every second of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not sure where to post this but it is work related. Say you have a work event or offsite next week with a large team. if your DIL (not your daughter, your son’s wife) is pregnant and getting induced on Monday, would you today, bow out of attending the event altogether? Citing family as a priority? It hasn’t been a high risk pregnancy at all btw…. My husband and I discussed this and it would be the equivalent of my FIL bowing out of a work trip when I delivered my baby years ago. It’s not like he would have been in my delivery room?! and he and the rest of the in laws came to see us 3 days later when I was discharged and comfortable at home. But maybe AITA here.

OP, you’re the manager in this scenario. Not a member of your employees family. Of course this post belongs in this forum and NOT any other forum. And you discussed this with your dh and now crowd surfing it on a mom website and considered posting it on a non-job forum? Just who do you think you are? Don’t let power get to your head, OP. Approve the leave and move on. Think about how you can improve your off site event not how to run your employees families. Sheesh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - thanks everyone. To clarify, I’m the manager and the situation involves an employee who is skipping work offsite for birth of grandchild (who may or may not be born by the time the offsite is over). I realize, I’m probably being an A$$. But I wouldn’t take off work for my daughter in law. I’d do it for my own daughter.

Ooh. Yes YTA. My family isn't like this, my MIL assumed we wanted space right after birth and I was fine with that, but...this isn't your family. This is someone else's family. None of your business.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t skip a work event. I’d see the baby the next day. But if it’s super important to you to hang out at a hospital all day that’s fine too if your son and DIL are fine with it. I would excuse myself to take a call if the baby was delivered while I was at the event and they called to tell me. New babies are such a wonderful event for most families but the joy and excitement lasts beyond the moment and you don’t have to be there for every second of it.

Sounds like the work event might be all week. Unclear.

[Anonymous]

Completely case-by-case. Some DILs would want you in the room, some would want you to wait several weeks, some would want to see you a day or two later, some would want to see you never. It’s so case by case, there is no point of discussing this here.

Pick up the phone, call YOUR SON, and talk to him—no pressure—about their wishes or anticipated wishes for timing. Then, no matter what, go with what their desired plan is.

Have you gotten all your shots yet? Get them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm confused why you are crowd sourcing this. Is it allowed to miss work due to the birth of a grandchild? Yes. Period. No questions to ask. It's not your job to determine if it is reasonable, somebody already determined that.

You are the exact reason why places need unions because managers try to apply their own weird and oddly irrational thought patterns to managing.

Luckily you don't have to think about it. There are HR rules and you follow them.

At every company I’ve worked for (private sector, obviously), PTO is up to manager’s approval. So in this case, OP is the “somebody” who determines whether her employee gets the the time off. I definitely think OP is TA here, but she definitely has the right to deny. It’s obviously not a smart move, or a nice one, but some people are like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - thanks everyone. To clarify, I’m the manager and the situation involves an employee who is skipping work offsite for birth of grandchild (who may or may not be born by the time the offsite is over). I realize, I’m probably being an A$$. But I wouldn’t take off work for my daughter in law. I’d do it for my own daughter.

Yes, you ATA

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm confused why you are crowd sourcing this. Is it allowed to miss work due to the birth of a grandchild? Yes. Period. No questions to ask. It's not your job to determine if it is reasonable, somebody already determined that.

You are the exact reason why places need unions because managers try to apply their own weird and oddly irrational thought patterns to managing.

Luckily you don't have to think about it. There are HR rules and you follow them.

At every company I’ve worked for (private sector, obviously), PTO is up to manager’s approval. So in this case, OP is the “somebody” who determines whether her employee gets the the time off. I definitely think OP is TA here, but she definitely has the right to deny. It’s obviously not a smart move, or a nice one, but some people are like that.

.

PP means that people are allowed to take off work for birth if a grandchild, even (gasp) for their dil’s baby. Shame on OP.

[Anonymous]

FWIW, the framing of this from the subject line messed everything up.

This situation is not about the DIL/MIL relationship at all. It is about a parent to somebody who is about to become a parent.

No right or wrong there, but the DIL is not the most relevant party in this sitation.

[Anonymous]

Well, I would ask your DIL when she's thinking of seeing visitors, including yourself. It entirely depends on your relationship with her and her personality. I love my MIL, and as long as no one sees me actually delivering, I would have been happy to see her after I'd recovered a bit. Same for my parents.

[Anonymous]

My parents and inlaws were there while I was being induced. They went home at night and stayed in my home, but came back during the day. They were all over the moon excited. I was induced on a Monday and gave birth Wednesday morning at like 4am, so only DH was present (thank god). The grandparents all came in when I went to the postpartum room at like 7am.

I have 3 kids and didn't have anyone at all other than dh for the other 2. I think grandparents only really care about the first grandchild. The others weren't a big deal, but they still were needed to watch my older kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:FWIW, the framing of this from the subject line messed everything up.

This situation is not about the DIL/MIL relationship at all. It is about a parent to somebody who is about to become a parent.

No right or wrong there, but the DIL is not the most relevant party in this sitation.

????

If the DIL actually doesn't want to see MIL for the first week, then maybe MIL should know that before asking for leave for the wrong week. IDIOT.
Of course it's about what the DIL wants. OP should ask her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:um, did your DIL ask for you to be with her during her delivery? (aka, are you the primary or preferred mother figure available to her?)

if so, then yeah, it's kind of a jerk move to put work ahead of family. but if your kid and their spouse haven't asked for you to be there and you assume you'll see the new family after they are home, then no need to cancel work event in advance.

+1

Ask son and or DIL, OP. No one else can answer this question for you. Their kid, their rules.