If your DIL…

[Anonymous]

Not sure where to post this but it is work related. Say you have a work event or offsite next week with a large team. if your DIL (not your daughter, your son’s wife) is pregnant and getting induced on Monday, would you today, bow out of attending the event altogether? Citing family as a priority? It hasn’t been a high risk pregnancy at all btw…. My husband and I discussed this and it would be the equivalent of my FIL bowing out of a work trip when I delivered my baby years ago. It’s not like he would have been in my delivery room?! and he and the rest of the in laws came to see us 3 days later when I was discharged and comfortable at home. But maybe AITA here.

[Anonymous]

Something like this happened at my former job. A dear coworker wanted to leave early to be there for her son's child being born. Government job with plenty of leave but the supervisor hated my coworker and said no because "it's not even your daughter." My coworker responded that her DIL's mother was deceased. She was very upset and quit soon after.

I absolutely think the birth of a grandchild is a reason to skip work. You have no idea of their circumstances. It could be a first child after a pregnancy loss.

[Anonymous]

Mmmm, as someone who recently gave birth (scheduled C) and my MIL proudly told everyone she took the day off because she was so nervous, do whatever you want but maybe not tell the person giving birth. It stressed me out! I mean, you can do whatever you like, but not sure what you’re expecting in the way of seeing the baby right away at the hospital.

[Anonymous]

How about you talk to your son?? Are you local? Is it your first grandchild? My ILs met my kids when they were a week-ish old, but they don’t live locally and I wouldn’t have wanted them to come any sooner anyway. But maybe your son and his wife do want you to meet the baby right away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Something like this happened at my former job. A dear coworker wanted to leave early to be there for her son's child being born. Government job with plenty of leave but the supervisor hated my coworker and said no because "it's not even your daughter." My coworker responded that her DIL's mother was deceased. She was very upset and quit soon after.

I absolutely think the birth of a grandchild is a reason to skip work. You have no idea of their circumstances. It could be a first child after a pregnancy loss.

I completely disagree. MIL, I'll see you when baby is 2 weeks old.
So, I guess ask your son if you want.

[Anonymous]

Very case by case basis on this one.

I am a DIL and I would have been entirely unbothered by my MIL going to a work even on the day I was supposed to be induced (I wound up going into labor 24 hours before my induction date). She was not invited to the hospital for the birth (nor were my parents) and I don't see what the difference is in her getting text updates at a work event versus at home or the office. Why would it matter?

If complications arose, you could always bow out as you would in any situation where a family member had medical issues. If it's not a high risk pregnancy and you have no reason to believe it will be anything other than routine, I don't see an issue.

BUT if you son or DIL is expecting something different from you, or are feeling insupported in this time for whatever reason, I'd also take that into account. A lot of relationship issues between parents and their adult kids emerge based on what happens around the time a grandchild is born. It's a delicate time with shifting roles. If they are very upset about the idea of you going to the event, their opinion matters way more than mine. Your family is different than mine. I'd talk to them and figure out what they need to feel supported. Making that effort now will pay off later, I promise.

[Anonymous]

um, did your DIL ask for you to be with her during her delivery? (aka, are you the primary or preferred mother figure available to her?)

if so, then yeah, it's kind of a jerk move to put work ahead of family. but if your kid and their spouse haven't asked for you to be there and you assume you'll see the new family after they are home, then no need to cancel work event in advance.

[Anonymous]

OP - thanks everyone. To clarify, I’m the manager and the situation involves an employee who is skipping work offsite for birth of grandchild (who may or may not be born by the time the offsite is over). I realize, I’m probably being an A$$. But I wouldn’t take off work for my daughter in law. I’d do it for my own daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - thanks everyone. To clarify, I’m the manager and the situation involves an employee who is skipping work offsite for birth of grandchild (who may or may not be born by the time the offsite is over). I realize, I’m probably being an A$$. But I wouldn’t take off work for my daughter in law. I’d do it for my own daughter.

You're an a$$ because you don't know your employee's situation and your projecting your opinions of what you'd do onto her.
I can see why your DIL wouldn't want you around for the birth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - thanks everyone. To clarify, I’m the manager and the situation involves an employee who is skipping work offsite for birth of grandchild (who may or may not be born by the time the offsite is over). I realize, I’m probably being an A$$. But I wouldn’t take off work for my daughter in law. I’d do it for my own daughter.

She’s not taking off work for her DIL, she’s taking off work for the birth of her grandchild and to support her son (and peripherally his wife). So yes, you ATA. Just because your wouldn’t doesn’t mean everyone is like you. Some people have better relationships with their family members.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - thanks everyone. To clarify, I’m the manager and the situation involves an employee who is skipping work offsite for birth of grandchild (who may or may not be born by the time the offsite is over). I realize, I’m probably being an A$$. But I wouldn’t take off work for my daughter in law. I’d do it for my own daughter.

You are awful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - thanks everyone. To clarify, I’m the manager and the situation involves an employee who is skipping work offsite for birth of grandchild (who may or may not be born by the time the offsite is over). I realize, I’m probably being an A$$. But I wouldn’t take off work for my daughter in law. I’d do it for my own daughter.

You're an a$$ because you don't know your employee's situation and your projecting your opinions of what you'd do onto her.
I can see why your DIL wouldn't want you around for the birth.

you're projecting

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - thanks everyone. To clarify, I’m the manager and the situation involves an employee who is skipping work offsite for birth of grandchild (who may or may not be born by the time the offsite is over). I realize, I’m probably being an A$$. But I wouldn’t take off work for my daughter in law. I’d do it for my own daughter.

so, basically none of your business and you also have no way at all of actually knowing if there is anything risky about the pregnancy. your employee doesn't want to be trapped offsite when their grandchild is being born. entirely reasonable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - thanks everyone. To clarify, I’m the manager and the situation involves an employee who is skipping work offsite for birth of grandchild (who may or may not be born by the time the offsite is over). I realize, I’m probably being an A$$. But I wouldn’t take off work for my daughter in law. I’d do it for my own daughter.

So basically your complaint is people aren’t excited enough about doing this offsite and you see her as an exemplar of that and are in your feels about it, but instead of acknowledging it want to litigate it mentally via this issue about the DIL? LOL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - thanks everyone. To clarify, I’m the manager and the situation involves an employee who is skipping work offsite for birth of grandchild (who may or may not be born by the time the offsite is over). I realize, I’m probably being an A$$. But I wouldn’t take off work for my daughter in law. I’d do it for my own daughter.

It's her grandchild! Come on OP. I was the PP who had the incident at work. I cannot stress enough how poor the reaction was regarding the supervisor who didn't let the woman go to the hospital for her DIL. Everyone is found it really distasteful, including her own boss, our director.