Are you honest with your teen(s) about what it takes to maintain their current lifestyle?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, so my DS has now decided he wants to become a surgeon in a challenging speciality. Thumbs up from me!

I’d so thumbs down this. I’m a college drop out who makes a lot more than most surgeons in sales and had no school debt. Becoming a surgeon is $$$

But, you sell shit for a living. Whereas surgeons save lives, eyesight and mobility.

I’m cool with that. Yes, I’m skilled at negotiating deals and closing business. I sell money, which, as they say, makes the world go round. There’s nothing heroic about it for sure- but then again most jobs aren’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Teaching them about what kind of money it takes to maintain a certain lifestyle is important, but so is teaching them what it takes to make that kind of money.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yep. We talk about how much the average family in DC earns vs how much their private school tuition costs. They understand how privileged they are. We talk about the cost of real estate in DC. DS, who is in HS, has a better grasp of money than DD, who is in MS. Both realize that they have expensive lifestyles. I'm trying to teach them the concept of value--just because we can afford something doesn't mean we should buy it. When it makes sense to buy something expensive. Waiting for sales for things you don't need right away. Etc.

💯

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We live in the bubble of Langley, Virginia and I told my kids that if they want to maintain this lifestyle, they need to improve their EQ because having high IQ will allow them to live in Falls Church but having high EQ will improve their chance to live in Langley. Money comes and goes but EQ will stay with them to be successful in life.

What gives high EQ edge? Explain

[Anonymous]

Never. We teach our kids to value people not things, and we pretend like we have much less than we actually have. We laugh and love a lot, even with our modest lifestyle. Our friends and neighborhood friends are ride or die friends, who may not all be wealthy, but are all people we want to spend our life with. I’m confident our kids can be satisfied in many income brackets.

The only item we spend a lot on is private school. All 3 kids in private. It’s almost $150K a year, which is more than every other thing we spend on combined and nearly doubled.

Someday if my kids try to send their kids to private, they may be surprised to know what we spent. But we have a near 7-figure income and amassed 8-figures worth of assets, all of which we hide. We’re ok with paying for private for grandkids if the public schools fail and governments don’t fixed them.

Not being status-conscious leads to a good life. Not a lot of stress, good friends, healthy savings.

[Anonymous]

wants to become ...

no accolades until he accomplishes it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There’s a lot of downward mobility that’s happening and will happen this decade and next —

How honest are you with your teens about what it takes to maintain the lifestyle they are receiving right now?

Specifically fams that are educated and work professional jobs but not leaving 10+ million in assets to your children

Yes. We’re middle class. However, DH and I both grew up truly poor. My two youngest are excellent students, but don’t want to attend four year schools or get grad degrees. We tell them all the time that they are free to pick a trade or open a business, but they may need to adopt more modest expectations and prepare for income instability. DD is a minimalist, but has health issues that are expensive to manage. DS consumes a lot of pricey art supplies. I am transparent about what it costs to keep them healthy and happy. They’re 17 so it’s a hard age to be a pragmatist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, so my DS has now decided he wants to become a surgeon in a challenging speciality. Thumbs up from me!

I’d so thumbs down this. I’m a college drop out who makes a lot more than most surgeons in sales and had no school debt. Becoming a surgeon is $$$

DP
Who do you think you are. Rolling the dice that MY child will be like you, or Jeff Bezos for that matter, is crazy. Good for you, but don't judge others because you got lucky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yep. We talk about how much the average family in DC earns vs how much their private school tuition costs. They understand how privileged they are. We talk about the cost of real estate in DC. DS, who is in HS, has a better grasp of money than DD, who is in MS. Both realize that they have expensive lifestyles. I'm trying to teach them the concept of value--just because we can afford something doesn't mean we should buy it. When it makes sense to buy something expensive. Waiting for sales for things you don't need right away. Etc.

+1
I also open my budget to my HS/MS kids. I still have one in ES and she think $100 is rich.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Never. We teach our kids to value people not things, and we pretend like we have much less than we actually have. We laugh and love a lot, even with our modest lifestyle. Our friends and neighborhood friends are ride or die friends, who may not all be wealthy, but are all people we want to spend our life with. I’m confident our kids can be satisfied in many income brackets.

The only item we spend a lot on is private school. All 3 kids in private. It’s almost $150K a year, which is more than every other thing we spend on combined and nearly doubled.

Someday if my kids try to send their kids to private, they may be surprised to know what we spent. But we have a near 7-figure income and amassed 8-figures worth of assets, all of which we hide. We’re ok with paying for private for grandkids if the public schools fail and governments don’t fixed them.

Not being status-conscious leads to a good life. Not a lot of stress, good friends, healthy savings.

You sound like you want a cookie.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I am. My DD is talking about low paying careers and I keep reminding her that those careers will not support her high maintenance life style.
It's a a disservice to let her think otherwise.

FFS. She doesn’t have a lifestyle, she lives at a home where she makes no decisions on how she lives. Most of us know people who had lived in huge houses with everything paid for and others with a single mother in a 2 room apartment. Especially when you get to college. I wouldn’t go back to the wealthy suburbs where every huge house at least two acres and the streets are empty because no one is in them during the day even if it was free. There’s also no correlation between that kind of lifestyle and a happy marriage or healthy children.

Let your kids decide their own lifestyle and don’t worry about it. You’ll be surprised at how many of them aren't interested in repeating their childhoods. And if they do and their careers don’t pay enough then give them money. You’re not going to live forever.

DP here. We talk about it when they whine they can’t have as much Lululemon as their friends. Or they can’t get a NEW iPhone like Susie when their current iPhone works fine. We’ll say “Hope you get a really good job in the future!”

Kids are like that. They outgrow it. Lululemon is not expensive in comparison to trendier clothing. So be thankful she doesn’t have expensive taste. I would tell her she can make her own decisions on phones and clothing when she’s an adult.

[Anonymous]

All I've ever really told my kids is go to college, major in something where you can get a good job, and the rest is up to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We live in the bubble of Langley, Virginia and I told my kids that if they want to maintain this lifestyle, they need to improve their EQ because having high IQ will allow them to live in Falls Church but having high EQ will improve their chance to live in Langley. Money comes and goes but EQ will stay with them to be successful in life.

What gives high EQ edge? Explain

NP and that’s easy. Ability to communicate, social skills, able to work with others. These are the skills many are lacking. High IQ plus all of these are what makes the difference.