Are you honest with your teen(s) about what it takes to maintain their current lifestyle?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely, which is why what they pick as a major in college is important and spending $80K/year on a major that won't have a good ROI makes zero sense.

My younger DC wants to go out of state, but won't be majoring in STEM. Just want's to "get out of x state". I told DC that unless they pick a major that will have good ROI, we are not going to spend that much money just because they want to get out of x state. If they want to leave the state so badly they can get a job in some other state on their dime.

We also had to have a discussion about taxes and take home pay. They will hear "50K" for a salary and think that's awesome, and they can live really well in a hcol area on $50k. I brought them down to earth when I explained how much taxes would get taken out, health insurance, and 401k contribution, and what their actual take home would be as a single, childless person. That was a big shocking moment for them.

I don't know which state you are in, or if he has specific schools/states he wants to go to, but don't assume that "out of state" is automatically more expensive than "in state." Depending on his grades, SAT/ACT score, etc. he might be able to go out of state cheaper than in state.

[Anonymous]

Yes!

I am very open with my kids. We are comfortable, but not rich, and we cannot afford everything they want. I tell them so. There have been times they were disappointed, but they understand. Examples - vacations, expensive lessons, car etc.

I don’t get people who try to “protect” their kids from financial realities. Most people have limits and it’s ok to admit this!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I am. My DD is talking about low paying careers and I keep reminding her that those careers will not support her high maintenance life style.
It's a a disservice to let her think otherwise.

+1 my DD loves the arts, and shopping and her cushy lifestyle. I told her that the vast majority of people who major in that area don't make enough to earn a good living.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely, which is why what they pick as a major in college is important and spending $80K/year on a major that won't have a good ROI makes zero sense.

My younger DC wants to go out of state, but won't be majoring in STEM. Just want's to "get out of x state". I told DC that unless they pick a major that will have good ROI, we are not going to spend that much money just because they want to get out of x state. If they want to leave the state so badly they can get a job in some other state on their dime.

We also had to have a discussion about taxes and take home pay. They will hear "50K" for a salary and think that's awesome, and they can live really well in a hcol area on $50k. I brought them down to earth when I explained how much taxes would get taken out, health insurance, and 401k contribution, and what their actual take home would be as a single, childless person. That was a big shocking moment for them.

I don't know which state you are in, or if he has specific schools/states he wants to go to, but don't assume that "out of state" is automatically more expensive than "in state." Depending on his grades, SAT/ACT score, etc. he might be able to go out of state cheaper than in state.

DC does not have the grades for great merit. I have an older DC in college now, so it won't be our first rodeo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I am. My DD is talking about low paying careers and I keep reminding her that those careers will not support her high maintenance life style.
It's a a disservice to let her think otherwise.

I love this!

[Anonymous]

This is why my brother's generation (30 somethings) are at home with parents, live single, and do not have kids. At least, the lot he grew up with. They all grew up UMC and to maintain that lifestyle they love (jet setting, summering crowd), they have to either get jobs traveling around the world or give up wife and kids.

[Anonymous]

My 14 year old has a small job for his own spending money now. I think if they work for it - they can live the kind of life they want.

[Anonymous]

Teaching them about what kind of money it takes to maintain a certain lifestyle is important, but so is teaching them what it takes to make that kind of money.

[Anonymous]

All the time. We talk about it so they have reasonable expectations particularly when they are first starting out (e.g. you cannot afford 500 cable channels, we can afford 500 cable channels).

[Anonymous]

Yep. We talk about how much the average family in DC earns vs how much their private school tuition costs. They understand how privileged they are. We talk about the cost of real estate in DC. DS, who is in HS, has a better grasp of money than DD, who is in MS. Both realize that they have expensive lifestyles. I'm trying to teach them the concept of value--just because we can afford something doesn't mean we should buy it. When it makes sense to buy something expensive. Waiting for sales for things you don't need right away. Etc.

[Anonymous]

Yes. My 12 year old with expensive tastes wants to be a dog breeder. I’ve told her numerous times that won’t pay her enough for what she wants (way more than what we have on $300k.)

[Anonymous]

Yep, DS is ok with living in a condo or a tiny home.
We talk about this, Roth, retirement funds, stocks and compound interest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I am. My DD is talking about low paying careers and I keep reminding her that those careers will not support her high maintenance life style.
It's a a disservice to let her think otherwise.

FFS. She doesn’t have a lifestyle, she lives at a home where she makes no decisions on how she lives. Most of us know people who had lived in huge houses with everything paid for and others with a single mother in a 2 room apartment. Especially when you get to college. I wouldn’t go back to the wealthy suburbs where every huge house at least two acres and the streets are empty because no one is in them during the day even if it was free. There’s also no correlation between that kind of lifestyle and a happy marriage or healthy children.

Let your kids decide their own lifestyle and don’t worry about it. You’ll be surprised at how many of them aren't interested in repeating their childhoods. And if they do and their careers don’t pay enough then give them money. You’re not going to live forever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, so my DS has now decided he wants to become a surgeon in a challenging speciality. Thumbs up from me!

I’d so thumbs down this. I’m a college drop out who makes a lot more than most surgeons in sales and had no school debt. Becoming a surgeon is $$$

But, you sell shit for a living. Whereas surgeons save lives, eyesight and mobility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I am. My DD is talking about low paying careers and I keep reminding her that those careers will not support her high maintenance life style.
It's a a disservice to let her think otherwise.

FFS. She doesn’t have a lifestyle, she lives at a home where she makes no decisions on how she lives. Most of us know people who had lived in huge houses with everything paid for and others with a single mother in a 2 room apartment. Especially when you get to college. I wouldn’t go back to the wealthy suburbs where every huge house at least two acres and the streets are empty because no one is in them during the day even if it was free. There’s also no correlation between that kind of lifestyle and a happy marriage or healthy children.

Let your kids decide their own lifestyle and don’t worry about it. You’ll be surprised at how many of them aren't interested in repeating their childhoods. And if they do and their careers don’t pay enough then give them money. You’re not going to live forever.

DP here. We talk about it when they whine they can’t have as much Lululemon as their friends. Or they can’t get a NEW iPhone like Susie when their current iPhone works fine. We’ll say “Hope you get a really good job in the future!”