Twins and dating

[Anonymous]

Op your daughter is completely out of line here
And I guess you have allowed her to get away with this kind of crap this far.
I'm.not in the camp of letting her get away with silent treatment etc.
Get your household together!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:B/G twins are a different anomal with regard to this situation. I have them too. Its definitely advisable not to date within the friend group, if at all possible.

My DD dated one of my DS's best friends when she was 18 and it went south very badly and in a very unexpected way (think serious mental illness we knew nothing about even though this boy was a family friend for about four years). It was a bad situation and my DS is no longer friends with the ex-bf/former friend. Obviously all recovered but they are now very concisous not to go down that road with a friend of the twin.

yep. I have b/g twins who are 17.

I thought they were going to have a lovely pool of potential dates because of their siblings' friends. Nope. They do not date each others' friends. At all. It's like an unwritten brother/sister twin code.

I'm hoping it will change when they get older; right now it's a line that isn't crossed.

[Anonymous]

While I don't think that girl twin should dictate anything to the boy twin, I think you have a lot of room here for disaster with the mixed friend group. You are all lucky the close friend said no, because if they had dated, the break up is inevitable and your daughter would lose a friend most likely. OR, if the friend broke his heart (much worse to date and break up than just a turn down) and the friendship didn't end, he would have to see this person regularly in a way that most kids don't have to see their exes. Having gone through a horrible teen break up with one of my kids, I can't imagine this scenario being good for their mental health.

That's not to say anyone should be trying to control it, but I think it would be smart to have conversations with both of them about what this would look like if they date each others friends. They might still do it, but they need to have these thoughts so they maybe think twice before making those choices.

As for the current situation, I would talk to your daughter and just get more info on why she's so mad. I would tell her she has to get over it, but I'd also be curious if there is more to the story?

[Anonymous]

Tell your daughter “bros before hoes”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:B/G twins are a different anomal with regard to this situation. I have them too. Its definitely advisable not to date within the friend group, if at all possible.

My DD dated one of my DS's best friends when she was 18 and it went south very badly and in a very unexpected way (think serious mental illness we knew nothing about even though this boy was a family friend for about four years). It was a bad situation and my DS is no longer friends with the ex-bf/former friend. Obviously all recovered but they are now very concisous not to go down that road with a friend of the twin.

yep. I have b/g twins who are 17.

I thought they were going to have a lovely pool of potential dates because of their siblings' friends. Nope. They do not date each others' friends. At all. It's like an unwritten brother/sister twin code.

I'm hoping it will change when they get older; right now it's a line that isn't crossed.

Brenda and Brandon Walsh didn't have this issue on Beverly Hills 90210. #DylanMcKay

[Anonymous]

Had a friend who discovered the hard way that the reason everyone always wanted to hang out at his house was because they had a really good chance of hooking up with his twin sister.

[Anonymous]

Please, please listen to the twin folks in this thread. Your son crossed an important line when he didn't listen to his sister. (And you don't seem to take that seriously, with the 'you only miss the shots you don't take' comment. You're basically saying that his crush on this girl is more important than your daughter's existing friendship).

And your daughter is also in the wrong for deploying the silent treatment. Has your son apologized? Have you talked to your daughter? If I were in your shoes, I'd try to understand a bit more about why she is so upset.

Twin relationships are special and your kids are lucky to have a good one. It can be good to remind them of that.
-twin mom

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please, please listen to the twin folks in this thread. Your son crossed an important line when he didn't listen to his sister. (And you don't seem to take that seriously, with the 'you only miss the shots you don't take' comment. You're basically saying that his crush on this girl is more important than your daughter's existing friendship).

And your daughter is also in the wrong for deploying the silent treatment. Has your son apologized? Have you talked to your daughter? If I were in your shoes, I'd try to understand a bit more about why she is so upset.

Twin relationships are special and your kids are lucky to have a good one. It can be good to remind them of that.
-twin mom

Interesting that you think the daughter doesn't have to apologize.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, I think you need to teach your daughter that she does not own her friends of her brother, and that her friends and brother are free to date whoever they like without getting your daughters ok!!

Your daughter is going to grow up to be the kind of nightmare sister in law who tries to sabotage her brothers relationships if you don’t nip this in the bud.

You need to talk to her about this. Her controlling behavior is not ok

100%. This. Your daughter is way out of line. She should also consider that sometime in the future she might want her brother to set her up with one of his friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:B/G twins are a different anomal with regard to this situation. I have them too. Its definitely advisable not to date within the friend group, if at all possible.

My DD dated one of my DS's best friends when she was 18 and it went south very badly and in a very unexpected way (think serious mental illness we knew nothing about even though this boy was a family friend for about four years). It was a bad situation and my DS is no longer friends with the ex-bf/former friend. Obviously all recovered but they are now very concisous not to go down that road with a friend of the twin.

yep. I have b/g twins who are 17.

I thought they were going to have a lovely pool of potential dates because of their siblings' friends. Nope. They do not date each others' friends. At all. It's like an unwritten brother/sister twin code.

I'm hoping it will change when they get older; right now it's a line that isn't crossed.

I have Irish twins and I hope it is a line my kids NEVER cross. I am shocked at how many people here think of all the girls in the world the boy twin wants to date, it is his sister's good friend. That is a BIG NO. Boys will be boys and girls will be girls and the main one that will get hurt and probably blamed for ANYTHING going wrong in the relationship, is the twin girl.

The boy twin is in the wrong, should apologize and they should absolutely have some boundaries.

Must be a bunch of boy moms on this thread.

[Anonymous]

OP here- wow! I had no idea that this would bring forth so much conflicting input. Thank you to everyone who has responded. I appreciate all the input, especially from the twin parents and those who are a twin. It's good to have that insight.

Girl has had crushes on boy's friends in the past, and boy is like 'awesome!' He fully supports whomever she is crushing on at the moment. Girl feels completely the opposite. This is something I have known, but thought was more mild in nature until this incident. Girl is an introvert (in total contrast to boy being an extrovert), so maybe that factored into how she processed being upset. Either way, girl cannot bar boy from dating.

I will have a talk with girl about silent treatment, and how to better deal with situations that make her upset. I will also talk to boy about considering girl's feelings, and ask him if he has sincerely made an effort to understand why she is upset.

The person who told me to get my house in order- thanks for the laugh. My house is fine, just teenage drama making it spicy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here- wow! I had no idea that this would bring forth so much conflicting input. Thank you to everyone who has responded. I appreciate all the input, especially from the twin parents and those who are a twin. It's good to have that insight.

Girl has had crushes on boy's friends in the past, and boy is like 'awesome!' He fully supports whomever she is crushing on at the moment. Girl feels completely the opposite. This is something I have known, but thought was more mild in nature until this incident. Girl is an introvert (in total contrast to boy being an extrovert), so maybe that factored into how she processed being upset. Either way, girl cannot bar boy from dating.

I will have a talk with girl about silent treatment, and how to better deal with situations that make her upset. I will also talk to boy about considering girl's feelings, and ask him if he has sincerely made an effort to understand why she is upset.

The person who told me to get my house in order- thanks for the laugh. My house is fine, just teenage drama making it spicy.

The fact that you would allow your extrovert son step over anything your introvert daughter asks is telling how they are both treated not only in the world, but inside their own home. If the extrovert son has no empathy on how hard it was for his sister to make the few friends she has and wants to try and date one and mess things up for her, well he sounds pretty selfish to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here- wow! I had no idea that this would bring forth so much conflicting input. Thank you to everyone who has responded. I appreciate all the input, especially from the twin parents and those who are a twin. It's good to have that insight.

Girl has had crushes on boy's friends in the past, and boy is like 'awesome!' He fully supports whomever she is crushing on at the moment. Girl feels completely the opposite. This is something I have known, but thought was more mild in nature until this incident. Girl is an introvert (in total contrast to boy being an extrovert), so maybe that factored into how she processed being upset. Either way, girl cannot bar boy from dating.

I will have a talk with girl about silent treatment, and how to better deal with situations that make her upset. I will also talk to boy about considering girl's feelings, and ask him if he has sincerely made an effort to understand why she is upset.

The person who told me to get my house in order- thanks for the laugh. My house is fine, just teenage drama making it spicy.

The fact that you would allow your extrovert son step over anything your introvert daughter asks is telling how they are both treated not only in the world, but inside their own home. If the extrovert son has no empathy on how hard it was for his sister to make the few friends she has and wants to try and date one and mess things up for her, well he sounds pretty selfish to me.

I said she's an introvert. I didn't say she has trouble making friends or that she has "few friends."

[Anonymous]

Yep, I've found there is a fundamental difference in parents between folks who think: 1) my kid should prioritize their own wants/desires at all times unless it physically harms someone else and 2) my kid should not always optimize for their own preference in order to respect the wishes of their siblings/peers, to the extent it's relatively simple to do so.

OP, you're clearly in camp 1.

[Anonymous]

I don’t have twins or even opposite sex siblings…..to everyone saying it’s free game - should it be? I’d say this is similar to dating your good friends exes- sure you CAN, but I think most people agree it’s problematic.