Friend is upset that I don't want to share info with her... how to proceed?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend who has kept something awful from me. (another friend told me). I just pretend I don't know and have put my distance from her.
If I'm not someone she wants to tell, then I'm not a good enough friend, and that's ok.

With friends like you two gossips...

[Anonymous]

Your friend's upset feelings are not yours to manage. Don't worry about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What isn’t being understood? I’m not sulking, sighing and posting “pray for me!” On fb and then telling her I don’t want to discuss it.

She always calls and texts me and wants to be in constant contact. After several missed calls, I texted her back that I’m just going through a lot and that’s why I haven’t been super responsive. I said that I didn’t feel like talking on the phone but I can text. That’s when she starting asking “well what’s wrong with you?”. I told her health and emotional stuff going on and then tried to change the subject by asking about her plans for the weekend. She repeatedly tried to get all the details of what’s going on. That’s when I said that I don’t really want to talk about it (and again tried to change the subject).

You're fine. This is completely reasonable and your friend is ridiculous.

Agree with PP that your friend wants to know so she can dismiss it and vent to you. I can picture her implying her problems are worse and that she feels unsupported by you because you don't call.

[Anonymous]

She’s rude and intrusive. You do not need to explain anything or to proceed with anything. You told her clearly you do not want to share. That’s her cue to stop asking. Just keep repeating “I do not want to talk about this” and if she keeps getting rude about it, stop seeing her for a while.

[Anonymous]

You don’t like her. That is obvious. Maybe you have good reason for that based inn prior interactions. Why are you pretending she’s a friend? Just drop her, better for you both.

[Anonymous]

Just don’t text her back until you are ready. Vaguetexting is annoying. So is oversharing.

My mom is like her and I’m an introvert, so I screen her calls when I’m not in the mood. Otherwise we (she) talk every day, but there are times I just *can’t.*

[Anonymous]

OP, you haven't described much positive that she brings to you as a friend. Her dismissiveness about your health issues in the context of your race is more than enough to cut ties, IMO - so pulling back a bit is more than justified.

Don't worry about PPs who don't get it. Sometimes people see themselves in bad behavior being described and try to rationalize it through denying it's actually bad behavior.

[Anonymous]

You’re fine, OP. She is proving your point. I hope things get better for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What isn’t being understood? I’m not sulking, sighing and posting “pray for me!” On fb and then telling her I don’t want to discuss it.

She always calls and texts me and wants to be in constant contact. After several missed calls, I texted her back that I’m just going through a lot and that’s why I haven’t been super responsive. I said that I didn’t feel like talking on the phone but I can text. That’s when she starting asking “well what’s wrong with you?”. I told her health and emotional stuff going on and then tried to change the subject by asking about her plans for the weekend. She repeatedly tried to get all the details of what’s going on. That’s when I said that I don’t really want to talk about it (and again tried to change the subject).

If a friend said this to me, I wouldn't be like "what wrong with you?" I'd say, "okay let me know if I can help." OP, you don't have to be friends with this person if you feel it's not a balanced friendship. Yes, friendships can skew one way or the other sometimes based on life events, but overall it shouldn't be so one-sided.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Setting "boundaries" is therapy-speak. It's how you end up with no friends. It's not appropriate behavior or the right thing to do.

Well apparently my mother has entered the chat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What isn’t being understood? I’m not sulking, sighing and posting “pray for me!” On fb and then telling her I don’t want to discuss it.

She always calls and texts me and wants to be in constant contact. After several missed calls, I texted her back that I’m just going through a lot and that’s why I haven’t been super responsive. I said that I didn’t feel like talking on the phone but I can text. That’s when she starting asking “well what’s wrong with you?”. I told her health and emotional stuff going on and then tried to change the subject by asking about her plans for the weekend. She repeatedly tried to get all the details of what’s going on. That’s when I said that I don’t really want to talk about it (and again tried to change the subject).

If a friend said this to me, I wouldn't be like "what wrong with you?" I'd say, "okay let me know if I can help." OP, you don't have to be friends with this person if you feel it's not a balanced friendship. Yes, friendships can skew one way or the other sometimes based on life events, but overall it shouldn't be so one-sided.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend who has kept something awful from me. (another friend told me). I just pretend I don't know and have put my distance from her.
If I'm not someone she wants to tell, then I'm not a good enough friend, and that's ok.

With friends like you two gossips...

Exactly, my goodness!