Friend is upset that I don't want to share info with her... how to proceed?
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Anonymous
| In the past, she has been really dismissive of my personal issues. Currently, I have a lot going on but she keeps prying and trying to know what *exactly* is going on with me. I kept brushing it off and then I finally said "Larla, I don't want to share this info right now?". She clarified, "You don't want to share it or you don't want to share it with me specifically". I told her it's a bit of both and she went off on me about it. I told her part of it is the way she is behaving. The fact that I'm going through super stressful/sad stuff in my life and she's making it about her. Now she's angry. How should I proceed with this? Is there any way I could have phrased this better so as not to be rude? |
Anonymous
| Someone who won’t respect boundaries will be upset when they realize you won’t let them cross those boundaries. I understand you consider this person a friend, but someone who goes off on you like that isn’t respectful and honestly I wouldn’t worry about your phrasing. That’s not the issue. |
Anonymous
|
I think you're fine. It sounds like she has some investment in your struggles that doesn't have anything to do with you -- like maybe she likes hearing about someone else struggling because it makes her feel better about herself, or because she like being in the role of advice-giver/life coach. I think you are smart to draw some boundaries and keep more to yourself.
You don't have to tell anyone anything. And everyone deserves support when they are struggling. If you aren't getting it from her, I hope you are finding it elsewhere. |
Anonymous
| You dump them as a friend. That's how you proceed. She sounds like a fake friend who lives for gossip and everyone's misery. Ugh |
Anonymous
| I would be direct and say yeah. I specifically don't want to share with you because you've been dismissive of my problems in the past and I don't feel comfortable. |
Anonymous
| Why is she still a friend? |
Anonymous
| Wow. OP you were harsh. I would never talk like that with a friend. She was just trying to help. I would apologize. |
Anonymous
| Sounds like you both engage in toxic behavior, this is not a friendship. |
Anonymous
+1 |
Anonymous
| Setting "boundaries" is therapy-speak. It's how you end up with no friends. It's not appropriate behavior or the right thing to do. |
Anonymous
| Nothing wrong with a white lie if you really want to stop the gossip/drama cycle with her. You saying you have secrets you don't want to share with her sounds like some coy teasing ploy to invite her to pry more or make a drama out of it (which she did). Better to say "no, there's nothing to share." |
Anonymous
|
Op here:
She’s knows I’m stressed. She keeps asking what’s wrong. I told her just life/family stuff and try to change the subject. She keeps pressing. So I said I didn’t really want to discuss. I never said “I’m setting a boundary” to her. |
Anonymous
When you’re truly “trying to help”, you drop it when someone gives hints that they don’t want to talk about it. You don’t force them to talk about it and then get mad when they say no. |
Anonymous
Omg finally. This was my exact thought from the moment of the post. If you don’t want her in your business, then don’t indicate there is a problem. She thinks you are friends And you haven’t indicated that you feel differently about that. So the normal thing for a friend to do when she sees that her friend is hurting is to say “hey—what’s going on with you lately?” If you don’t want to tell her then you minimize and say “oh nothing…I guess I’ve just been a little under the weather lately but Im sure it’ll pass” That’s it. You don’t go in and in about how you have this big thing going on in your life that you aren’t ready to talk about. That’s tantalizing drama. Unnecessary. |
Anonymous
| You handled it fine op. Good for you for being up front and honest. |