Older kids - shifting dreams

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is 100% a parent issue. They were helicopter parents while their kids were in school and now it’s taking on a different form (is there a new name for this?). My kids are young adults and are working and paying all their bills. I have friends who know way too much about their kid’s job and talk about it to a friend group. For example, their likes and dislikes about work and bosses name. Even if you know this information, keep it to yourself.

I don't think you understand OP's post. The parents aren't talking about jobs, but about other interests.

Parent friend: How is Larla doing?
Parent: Great, she just signed up for improv classes and is really excited! It's so fun.

OP seems to think this somehow invalidates that Larla got a degree and job in STEM or is somehow faking trying to be quirky by trying a new hobby. It's an OP issue. People can be interested in and enjoy more than one thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My oldest kid is 28 and his/my school/parent circle was hyper competitive about school, sports, college (especially x10), jobs out of college. These are not my close friends, but a couple are and I'm friendly with most. We get together a few times a year and the text chains started long ago survive.

I've noticed something lately that makes me kind of sad. Besides the normal boasting about even new things, there's been a shift that your kid who you raised to be an engineer is now .. an engineer. Or a chemist. Or in finance. And while things are going very very well, there's something missing. So there's talk lately about "guess who's starting taking improv classes!!" or "oh boy, someone is thinking about film school" or whose TikTok went viral. Or who is dating someone is either possibly future famous or a relative of someone famous.

It's as if the race to nowhere has run its course and now they kinda wish their kids were more creative and quirky, with a stand up comedy career or an instagramable flower farm. Or maybe they just want fame.

I wonder what was at the root of the desire for STEM kids in the first place. Because if it was UMC success, that was achieved and people are still not happy, except the immigrant parents. They're 100% happy.

There's also a weird investment in kids careers, but that's a DMV thing.

Never heard of a “competition” like you are describing. That sounds like a weird internal dialogue thing for you. People don’t actually compete in the way you describe.

you mean, you've never heard of math competitions? there are dozens. ditto science

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_mathematics_competitions

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is 100% a parent issue. They were helicopter parents while their kids were in school and now it’s taking on a different form (is there a new name for this?). My kids are young adults and are working and paying all their bills. I have friends who know way too much about their kid’s job and talk about it to a friend group. For example, their likes and dislikes about work and bosses name. Even if you know this information, keep it to yourself.

it's super weird when people complain about their kids' bosses. this comes from the "we talk twice a day" generation. maybe it's good? seems weird

[Anonymous]

I understand OP. When you succeed at something you may hunger for new challenges. When you fail, you can keep failing forever until you die.
Failing is superior to succeeding.

[Anonymous]

These parents are, generally, being inappropriate. Talking about their adult children, to this extent, is not appropriate. Sure, an answer to, "how is Mary?", (very occasionally), with a significant update re: new job/location/marriage/children. Even an unusual hobby, as mentioned.

But regular posting/discussing of another adult? No. Parents aren't respecting boundaries.

[Anonymous]

I think maybe you all need to take some improv classes yourselves. Find a hobby so you have less time to invest in group chats about your adult children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My oldest kid is 28 and his/my school/parent circle was hyper competitive about school, sports, college (especially x10), jobs out of college. These are not my close friends, but a couple are and I'm friendly with most. We get together a few times a year and the text chains started long ago survive.

I've noticed something lately that makes me kind of sad. Besides the normal boasting about even new things, there's been a shift that your kid who you raised to be an engineer is now .. an engineer. Or a chemist. Or in finance. And while things are going very very well, there's something missing. So there's talk lately about "guess who's starting taking improv classes!!" or "oh boy, someone is thinking about film school" or whose TikTok went viral. Or who is dating someone is either possibly future famous or a relative of someone famous.

It's as if the race to nowhere has run its course and now they kinda wish their kids were more creative and quirky, with a stand up comedy career or an instagramable flower farm. Or maybe they just want fame.

I wonder what was at the root of the desire for STEM kids in the first place. Because if it was UMC success, that was achieved and people are still not happy, except the immigrant parents. They're 100% happy.

There's also a weird investment in kids careers, but that's a DMV thing.

Humans keep moving their goal posts. There is a reason we are collectively stressed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need something to fill the dead air between craziness about college and then bragging about the Grandkids.

I mean, it doesn't exactly liven up a party to brag about how little Johnny is now the Associate General Manager of the Dow Chemical plant in Des Moines.

100%

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These parents are, generally, being inappropriate. Talking about their adult children, to this extent, is not appropriate. Sure, an answer to, "how is Mary?", (very occasionally), with a significant update re: new job/location/marriage/children. Even an unusual hobby, as mentioned.

But regular posting/discussing of another adult? No. Parents aren't respecting boundaries.

To random people yes but probably not as bad to people who saw them grow up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:C’est la vie. I remember going back to reunions and talking to a young man who just graduated and was “so f’ing stoked” to be going into private client services or something. In my head I was just like, yeah check back with me in ten years, we’ll see how stoked you are.

What's wrong about young enthusiasm? Hope they enjoy their journey and don't get as jaded as we are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most people need to just shut up when they have nothing to say.

True but most people are too polite to not to at least try to fill up the silence with whatever spontaneous small talk they can come up with.

[Anonymous]

With time, age and experiences middle age parents change too, not just young children. May be ten years ago your friends thought of STEM as a safety jacket necessary for physical safety but now they can see the need of a hobby airbag as necessary for mental safety. Humans can evolve or/and decline.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need something to fill the dead air between craziness about college and then bragging about the Grandkids.

I mean, it doesn't exactly liven up a party to brag about how little Johnny is now the Associate General Manager of the Dow Chemical plant in Des Moines.

Exactly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:i would pass this to chatgpt and ask for a rewrite

Excellent suggestion

[Anonymous]

Most adult kids today are losers. The vast majority of people under 50 have accomplished very little.

In my family tree one person help build Apollo 11 that landed on moon, one relative liberated a concentration camp on WWII, one relative fought along George Washington and has a huge statue in Boston. Their parents have something to talk about.

Today, my son is still lower middle management working from home in his pajamas the last three years. But he is planning to go to Starbucks later this week.