Older kids - shifting dreams

[Anonymous]

My oldest kid is 28 and his/my school/parent circle was hyper competitive about school, sports, college (especially x10), jobs out of college. These are not my close friends, but a couple are and I'm friendly with most. We get together a few times a year and the text chains started long ago survive.

I've noticed something lately that makes me kind of sad. Besides the normal boasting about even new things, there's been a shift that your kid who you raised to be an engineer is now .. an engineer. Or a chemist. Or in finance. And while things are going very very well, there's something missing. So there's talk lately about "guess who's starting taking improv classes!!" or "oh boy, someone is thinking about film school" or whose TikTok went viral. Or who is dating someone is either possibly future famous or a relative of someone famous.

It's as if the race to nowhere has run its course and now they kinda wish their kids were more creative and quirky, with a stand up comedy career or an instagramable flower farm. Or maybe they just want fame.

I wonder what was at the root of the desire for STEM kids in the first place. Because if it was UMC success, that was achieved and people are still not happy, except the immigrant parents. They're 100% happy.

There's also a weird investment in kids careers, but that's a DMV thing.

[Anonymous]

I have no idea what you are getting at.

Sounds like your friends kids are successful engineers, chemists, finance, etc. but are also interested in other things like improv and like to date. What is the issue? You think they should only do STEM stuff?

[Anonymous]

I think this is pretty normal for focused young adults. Once you have attained that goal - you understand that you need to have other things in life to make it more complete. For those who have taken a long road (med school, law school, grad school) - this coincides with late 20's. Late 20's is also a time of greater maturity and self understanding - many people tend to settle down and get married at this age (especially if they started work right out of college vs long road school types).

I distinctly remember having this exact conversation in my late 20's as a friend was finishing med school and I was in grad school - about having had the goal be school success and realizing we now had to shift. It wasn't anything sad - it was just maturity and self-awareness.

[Anonymous]

i would pass this to chatgpt and ask for a rewrite

[Anonymous]

You need something to fill the dead air between craziness about college and then bragging about the Grandkids.

I mean, it doesn't exactly liven up a party to brag about how little Johnny is now the Associate General Manager of the Dow Chemical plant in Des Moines.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think this is pretty normal for focused young adults. Once you have attained that goal - you understand that you need to have other things in life to make it more complete. For those who have taken a long road (med school, law school, grad school) - this coincides with late 20's. Late 20's is also a time of greater maturity and self understanding - many people tend to settle down and get married at this age (especially if they started work right out of college vs long road school types).

I distinctly remember having this exact conversation in my late 20's as a friend was finishing med school and I was in grad school - about having had the goal be school success and realizing we now had to shift. It wasn't anything sad - it was just maturity and self-awareness.

I'm PP above - maybe the more concerning part is the parents are still stuck on identifying themselves and their conversations on reporting what their kids are achieving. I'd suggest that the parents need to be taking up new hobbies and interests to fulfill their own lives as they transition from parenting children to being adults with grown children with more time to spend on themselves vs others.

[Anonymous]

This has very little to do with college issues - today.

Find another thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This has very little to do with college issues - today.

Find another thread.

I think OP has posted here because they feel it is a cautionary tale or a commentary on "college issues today"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have no idea what you are getting at.

Sounds like your friends kids are successful engineers, chemists, finance, etc. but are also interested in other things like improv and like to date. What is the issue? You think they should only do STEM stuff?

I'm not quite clear either. Is OP trying to say STEM majors aren't happy in their STEM careers, or is it that their parents are droning on too much about their adult children's other pursuits, or the parents shouldn't have pushed STEM, or...??

[Anonymous]

I agree with PP. This really isn’t about college and you’re on the wrong forum. Having said that, allow me to offer one observation.

These people are not now and never were your “friends.” They were the parents of your children’s friends. That’s all you had in common. And it’s over now.

I’m 62. My kids are all in their 30s. I have lots of friends around my age. Their kids are also full grown. When we get together or when we text, we don’t talk about the kids or the grandkids. We talk about each other. We talk about our own interests and activities. We have our own lives and our own friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This has very little to do with college issues - today.

Find another thread.

There is a forum now for Adult Children

[Anonymous]

Many parents (and kids) forget to focus on the long game.

Comparing yourself to the kids you knew in middle school will become less and less important as time goes on.

People who are super competitive need to feed that. It is not something I respect or can relate to.

I want a healthy, happy kid who can support herself and find satisfaction both personally and professionally. I could care less what others in my neighborhood think.

[Anonymous]

Ha I'm so glad I'm not the only one that has NO idea what you are talking about and if there is a question or complaint?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Many parents (and kids) forget to focus on the long game.

Comparing yourself to the kids you knew in middle school will become less and less important as time goes on.

People who are super competitive need to feed that. It is not something I respect or can relate to.

I want a healthy, happy kid who can support herself and find satisfaction both personally and professionally. I could care less what others in my neighborhood think.

It's "couldn't care less".

[Anonymous]

Adults tend to have free time in their late 20s. They're done with grad school, have disposable income, and don't yet have kids. It's a great time for fun hobbies. In a few years the conversation will shift from new hobbies to grandkids. Nothing to see here.