My Mom was just diagnosed with breast cancer

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The treatment options right now are taking hormonal therapy and a mid level chemo drug to stop progressions and shrink the tumors. She’s now saying she’s not sure she wants to do it. I’m feeling frustrated.

I went through cancer treatment in my mid-40s, which is of course totally different from being 80. That said, my biggest side effects from chemotherapy were fatigue and brain fog (and hair loss, but that discomfort was mental/emotional). I remember when my mother endured chemotherapy in the early 1980s -- nausea, vomiting, mouth sores, the works. Oncologists have a lot of tools to manage side effects. If a concern about side effects is what is giving her pause, it may be helpful to her to learn how her doctors can help her manage them. I was so anxious about being able to work and care for an elementary-school child and while it wasn't a walk in the park, it was manageable.

And if she has other concerns that may prompt her to forgo treatment, you may want to understand those, too, if only for your own peace of mind.

Best wishes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would also think about your mom's overall health and how aggressively she wants to treat this. Some people have great quality of life in their 80s and some don't.

That’s what has me most worried. She definitely doesn’t want aggressive treatment.

My mom had a different type of cancer and we wasted her last 5 months seeking treatment that bought her little time (if any) and made her miserable. It’s tough to think about, but in hindsight I wish we’d just rented a condo at the beach for that time and took turns visiting with her. I know it’s easy for me to say that now, knowing how my story ended. Hugs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would also think about your mom's overall health and how aggressively she wants to treat this. Some people have great quality of life in their 80s and some don't.

That’s what has me most worried. She definitely doesn’t want aggressive treatment.

My mom had a different type of cancer and we wasted her last 5 months seeking treatment that bought her little time (if any) and made her miserable. It’s tough to think about, but in hindsight I wish we’d just rented a condo at the beach for that time and took turns visiting with her. I know it’s easy for me to say that now, knowing how my story ended. Hugs.

So sorry to hear about your mother. What kind of cancer was it and what stage?

[Anonymous]

My mom (age 68) has end stage cancer and I’ve leaned a lot by talking to a friend who is a hospice nurse. For me, the best thing has been to work on accepting my mom’s decisions, even when I wouldn’t do the same thing in her situation. It’s meant that we can enjoy our time together rather than having tension about treatment decisions.

And having watched my mom suffer through lots of chemo and other harsh treatments, I completely understand why an older person might decide to forgo treatment. In my 80s seems like a pretty good time to go if I was going to choose.

[Anonymous]

Hi All, wanted to post an update. My Mom has been on meds for about 7 months to try and shrink the cancer…unfortunately having bad side effects. However, a recent scan shows the meds are working!! The cancer is shrinking and detaching from the muscle wall…the surgeon says she can do the surgery depending on clearance from other doctors. Nothing scheduled just yet. But it was really positive to hear the results from the latest scan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi All, wanted to post an update. My Mom has been on meds for about 7 months to try and shrink the cancer…unfortunately having bad side effects. However, a recent scan shows the meds are working!! The cancer is shrinking and detaching from the muscle wall…the surgeon says she can do the surgery depending on clearance from other doctors. Nothing scheduled just yet. But it was really positive to hear the results from the latest scan.

Wishing her continuing progress in the right direction. Hang in there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi All, wanted to post an update. My Mom has been on meds for about 7 months to try and shrink the cancer…unfortunately having bad side effects. However, a recent scan shows the meds are working!! The cancer is shrinking and detaching from the muscle wall…the surgeon says she can do the surgery depending on clearance from other doctors. Nothing scheduled just yet. But it was really positive to hear the results from the latest scan.

Thanks for the update OP. Wishing you and your mom more good news!

[Anonymous]

Imho, for elders the physiological affects of treatment is more than most can bare. It's harder on them than the reality of dying. Please let it always be their decision, without judgement, and not a decision they make based on loved one's emotions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Imho, for elders the physiological affects of treatment is more than most can bare. It's harder on them than the reality of dying. Please let it always be their decision, without judgement, and not a decision they make based on loved one's emotions.

Why infantilize the elderly? I agree to respect their wishes entirely, and without judgment, and without regard to what the family would want. But, barring dementia or something like that, we should not assume that elderly are not able to mentally cope with treatments less than younger adults.

[Anonymous]

Goos update OP!

[Anonymous]

*good

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Imho, for elders the physiological affects of treatment is more than most can bare. It's harder on them than the reality of dying. Please let it always be their decision, without judgement, and not a decision they make based on loved one's emotions.

Why infantilize the elderly? I agree to respect their wishes entirely, and without judgment, and without regard to what the family would want. But, barring dementia or something like that, we should not assume that elderly are not able to mentally cope with treatments less than younger adults.

Doesn't physiological mean physical symptoms, not mental ones?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Imho, for elders the physiological affects of treatment is more than most can bare. It's harder on them than the reality of dying. Please let it always be their decision, without judgement, and not a decision they make based on loved one's emotions.

Why infantilize the elderly? I agree to respect their wishes entirely, and without judgment, and without regard to what the family would want. But, barring dementia or something like that, we should not assume that elderly are not able to mentally cope with treatments less than younger adults.

Doesn't physiological mean physical symptoms, not mental ones?

Yes. I think pp misread the post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Imho, for elders the physiological affects of treatment is more than most can bare. It's harder on them than the reality of dying. Please let it always be their decision, without judgement, and not a decision they make based on loved one's emotions.

Why infantilize the elderly? I agree to respect their wishes entirely, and without judgment, and without regard to what the family would want. But, barring dementia or something like that, we should not assume that elderly are not able to mentally cope with treatments less than younger adults.

Doesn't physiological mean physical symptoms, not mental ones?

Yes. I think pp misread the post.

That's embarrassing!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Imho, for elders the physiological affects of treatment is more than most can bare. It's harder on them than the reality of dying. Please let it always be their decision, without judgement, and not a decision they make based on loved one's emotions.

Why infantilize the elderly? I agree to respect their wishes entirely, and without judgment, and without regard to what the family would want. But, barring dementia or something like that, we should not assume that elderly are not able to mentally cope with treatments less than younger adults.

Doesn't physiological mean physical symptoms, not mental ones?

Yes. I think pp misread the post.

That's embarrassing!

I did misread and not embarrassed. The point holds true either way. And as someone who has had BC, there is a mental aspect to the physical healing as well. I wish i didn't know that but I do.