Bummed about being rejected from 5th choice school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm very blunt with my kids. I'd be clear and firm about the need to shake it off in light of her good fortune!

you need to validate your kids feelings and not just dismiss them. You are not them, they are not you, understand their feelings, they might not have the capacity at 18 to just shake it off

There's a way to validate a feeling at be blunt too. Sure, nobody likes how if feels to be rejected - but how you deal with it is more important (especially when it has NO impact on your life and HELPS another person).

+100%

You can be empathetic and straightforward at the same time while also reminding your child that getting into "their dream school" is FAR more fortunate than the majority of college applicants. Pining away about number 5 because it was the most selective is redic and trying to adjust this mindset before they go to college is really important. You can't have this student falling into a slump because they got 95% on a test instead of 100%. Life is full - ups, downs and more. Students need to learn how to manage these changes in life through their own different mindsets and coping skills.

[Anonymous]

Ignore it OP. She'll bond with other students when they talk about where they didn't get in.

Besides, imo, everyone should get some rejections. The goal should not be to only apply to schools where you'll get in. Some rejection is good for everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD got into her dream school. She moves in soon, and she's quite happy. Problem is, she can't seem to shake the fact she was rejected from her 5th choice school. I am certain this is because that school was the most selective of the bunch by far. Anything I can say to her to help her shake that off? Or will school starting help?

Perchance what you think was her “5th choice school” was not really her 5th choice school, whether she can admit to herself — or you — or not. The fact that this school was the “most selective of the bunch by far” and the fact she is upset tells you all you need to know…

[Anonymous]

she is wasting time and so are you, op, our time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Explain the Tufts Syndrome to her.

No, don't feel that you need to explain away everything what happened. Help her realize that it's OK to be rejected, without being a spoiled sport and making excuses about how she's still better than everyone else.

[Anonymous]

Just curious, was she accepted to her top four choices and only rejected to her 5th choice?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd ignore it. She needs to create coping skills on her own at this age.

+1

We don't get absolutely everything we want, and not everyone is going to think we are perfect (or even like us). Rejection is part of life (if you are trying, anyway). She might as well start learning that now.

Thus.

We can’t keep them cradled forever. They need to accept reality and toughen up.

Congrats on her getting into a great choice for her!

[Anonymous]

Always good to have some reliable quotes on hand when raising children. In this case - that which doesn’t kill me makes me stronger.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I thought this was going to be about a kid who got rejected from choices 1 through 5, which would be something to be bummed about. Got 1st choice but not 5th choice? NO sympathy. Stop it, shut up, grow up, forget about everything except the school you’re actually going to attend.

THIS^^^

There is a reason it was your kid's 5TH CHOICE! Just remind them that they are attending their TOP CHOICE, not something that all kids get the opportunity to do. Give them a day to mourn the loss of the 5th choice and then focus on their future. Even if it was the reverse (attending 5th choice because you got shut out of 1-4), it is not healthy to wallow in the rejection.

If your kid is truly focused on this, you might need to consider some therapy for them, as they need to learn how to deal with basic rejections in life and not let them linger.

[Anonymous]

Some of these posters who claim they would just tell the kid to just shut up & grow a pair might be telling the truth, but I suspect most of these are all tough talk & no action.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm very blunt with my kids. I'd be clear and firm about the need to shake it off in light of her good fortune!

you need to validate your kids feelings and not just dismiss them. You are not them, they are not you, understand their feelings, they might not have the capacity at 18 to just shake it off

Wow. I’d say emotional resilience is something you teach starting in toddlerhood. I fully expect my kids to take this in stride by high school - and they have!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm very blunt with my kids. I'd be clear and firm about the need to shake it off in light of her good fortune!

you need to validate your kids feelings and not just dismiss them. You are not them, they are not you, understand their feelings, they might not have the capacity at 18 to just shake it off

Wow. I’d say emotional resilience is something you teach starting in toddlerhood. I fully expect my kids to take this in stride by high school - and they have!

Wow, you must be a better parent than the OP! CONGRATULATIONS ON WINNING THE EXPERIENCE OF RAISING KIDS!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I thought this was going to be about a kid who got rejected from choices 1 through 5, which would be something to be bummed about. Got 1st choice but not 5th choice? NO sympathy. Stop it, shut up, grow up, forget about everything except the school you’re actually going to attend.

Yeah, I don't understand this mentality at all.

[Anonymous]

This should teach her not to judge people based on their college. It is not a measure of their worth.

[Anonymous]

Just tell her it was because they assumed she wouldn't attend and that they were here back-up. They wanted to protect their yield. And it's likely the reason.