Bummed about being rejected from 5th choice school?

[Anonymous]

DD got into her dream school. She moves in soon, and she's quite happy. Problem is, she can't seem to shake the fact she was rejected from her 5th choice school. I am certain this is because that school was the most selective of the bunch by far. Anything I can say to her to help her shake that off? Or will school starting help?

[Anonymous]

I'd ignore it. She needs to create coping skills on her own at this age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd ignore it. She needs to create coping skills on her own at this age.

Fair enough!

[Anonymous]

I'm very blunt with my kids. I'd be clear and firm about the need to shake it off in light of her good fortune!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd ignore it. She needs to create coping skills on her own at this age.

+1

We don't get absolutely everything we want, and not everyone is going to think we are perfect (or even like us). Rejection is part of life (if you are trying, anyway). She might as well start learning that now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD got into her dream school. She moves in soon, and she's quite happy. Problem is, she can't seem to shake the fact she was rejected from her 5th choice school. I am certain this is because that school was the most selective of the bunch by far. Anything I can say to her to help her shake that off? Or will school starting help?

The psychology behind this statement by Groucho Marx may help:

"I won't join any club that would have me as a member."

[Anonymous]

this tells me she can't handle rejection.

First, tell her that selective colleges are almost like lottery these days. Lots of very high achieving kids getting rejected at elite colleges, my DC and friends included.

Second, tell her that she will get rejections all throughout her life: a guy, a job, a promotion, and that this is all part of life.

has she never had to deal with rejection at all?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm very blunt with my kids. I'd be clear and firm about the need to shake it off in light of her good fortune!

This X 1,000

[Anonymous]

Ignore it. Once she realizes no one cares she will move on with her life. But if you "hear her out" or act like it is meaningful in any way then it will always be a rock in her shoe.

Don't do that to your child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD got into her dream school. She moves in soon, and she's quite happy. Problem is, she can't seem to shake the fact she was rejected from her 5th choice school. I am certain this is because that school was the most selective of the bunch by far. Anything I can say to her to help her shake that off? Or will school starting help?

I'd remind her that whether or not she was accepted to that school has no bearing on her life. Alternatively, it had a positive impact on another person's life, who was accepted at RD and had it as a first choice.

Personally, I'd also say that the only way it affects her is bruising her ego. And if I were to cut deeper, I think that letting a 5th choice rejection bruise your ego comes across as greedy and/or perfectionism. Neither of these is healthy and both can be viewed as character flaws.

Move on, be grateful of getting into your dream school and be gracious in seeing that 5th choice rejection was a blessing for another person for whom it made a positive difference.

[Anonymous]

Say you are sorry about the news and excited about how she will do at X School. Period . Then let her vent. Go out for a walk or ice cream.

[Anonymous]

It's August. Why is this still in discussion? Tell her to get over it already!

Sheesh. My son was rejected from his dream school, and went straight on to his second choice. The disappointment lasted 24hrs.

Come on, don't enable this crap, OP.

[Anonymous]

Explain the Tufts Syndrome to her.

[Anonymous]

I'm 15:33 above. I have to say that this kind of thinking (which some parents display too) is so frustrating.

Stop using college admissions for ego-stroking and be thoughtful of others.

We know of a kid who was accepted SCEA to their dream Ivy school. They 100% knew they would attend and knew 100% they could afford to attend (so not searching for FA packages) and yet still used RD to apply to an entire battery of other Ivy/elite schools just to see where they'd get in. And they did get in - they had multiple (non-athlete) hooks.

Meanwhile, they screwed over highly qualified classmates (some unhooked, some with fewer hooks) who had those schools as a top choice but were put aside as this ego-seeking applicant moved into the yes pile.

I know of another family whose kid was WL at ED to a T20, then accepted at ED2 to a lower ranked SLAC but purposely (and at suggestion of parents) did not pull out of any other schools they had applied to. Then was accepted to the WL-ED school in RD and to another T20 school too. Called the ED2 school with a BS story about their school lacking fit based on religion - they let applicant off the hook and they said yes to the school that had WL them at ED.

Students need to stop this - Parents need to stop it too. Such a bad look. Huge character flaw.

[Anonymous]

Since she hasn't actually started college yet, she's still in a place where the school that rejected her is as real as the college she'll actually attend. That will change the instant she hits campus. Suddenly, *her* college will be everything she sees and everyone she knows -- as large as life itself. (The college that rejected her, by contrast, will only get smaller and smaller, and will eventually dissolve into a pinprick she'll barely be able to see.)

It's so easy for kids to fixate on things that don't matter at this stage. They're stuck in the waiting place -- college looming but not yet begun -- so there's very little TO fixate on. It's all normal. It's all good. This, too, shall pass.