Anyone else here having a full blown midlife/ existential crisis?

[Anonymous]

Op - I am glad this thread is speaking to people! I am a little bummed that Jeff moved it to this sub only bc it is smaller and I feel like these feelings are so universal!
I would have been shocked if someone had told me about having kids that the hardest part isn’t tiredness or lack of freedom but the abject fear for their health and happiness and the fact that they are like little walking clocks that every moment they get bigger and master a new skill, remind you increasingly of the undeniable passing of time, about which you can do nothing bc time is not in our control and also bc we need to spend it, apparently, having endless meetings and speaking to Kurt in procurement about scopes of work.
*weeps, reaches for wine

[Anonymous]

Count me in! Add to it that my college-age kids don't seem all that interested in becoming fully independent human beings any time soon, so I live in fear that I will be actively "mothering" these kids into their 30s (they are in their early 20s and I know it's too early to really freak out but who says freaking out is a rational act).

Oh, and the thinning hair. WTF with the thinning hair????

[Anonymous]

Sing it, sisters!

Add to all that my fears about my own physical/mental health, mourning the loss of one of my parents, fear that my not-very-satisfying job will vanish and we will be destitute, fears that I haven't fulfilled my promise, etc. etc. etc.

[Anonymous]

I hear you, 20:51. The anniversary of losing my mom is fast approaching, my child is about to leave for school with a lot of anxiety, and I am deeply feeling the grief of being human today

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely feel the same. Plus a healthy dash of fear and grief about climate change.

1000%

But god forbid I talk about it in polite company.

[Anonymous]

You are not alone, OP. All of the above.

Also: At 62 and working full-time I am bone-tired. So tired.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is the script that I basically fall asleep to.

The house thing is the most trivial but the most haunting and a good way to manage the insomnia that comes from the other thoughts. Sometimes I google houses or acquaintances to try to figure out where all the house money came from. I was surprised by how many people “bought” their parents’ houses and how many people have very, very rich grandparents. Tip: don’t buy your house with a LLC but then give it a cutesy name that’s obviously your kids’ initials. But once you eliminate those people there are still a ton of houses for which the math doesn’t make sense!

Part of my existential crisis is realizing that there are so many parts of the world that are hidden to me and that I’ll never understand. I grew up in a place where every house looked basically the same and the richest people were doctors making $200k/year. I had no idea there were professions or incomes behind that until college. Not even kidding. What else might I have missed along the way?!

How does one look up housing records in Fairfax county?

[Anonymous]

Yes to all except I’m already in knee deep with the crisis of the parents declining massively. It has pretty much been like at atom bomb on my life. Get ready because dealing with rider are will usurp everything else snd none of your other worries will be able to get the attention you give them now!

[Anonymous]

OMG I literally just had all of these thought racing thru my mind while my tweens/teens are outside with friends not needing my attentions anymore.

[Anonymous]

Yep. Check, check, check....

You just have to keep working towards making peace with reality. And it's corny but, practice gratitude.

[Anonymous]

Spoke to me too.

[Anonymous]

Love this post. Thank you OP.

[Anonymous]

Not to pile on but all of this plus finding out your spouse cheated for years. Right when you started feeling midlife and men stopped noticing you. It was probably the lowest point in my entire life. I was going through serious career advancements and he was doing undermining me every day. Take care of yourselves first!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’re so not alone. I felt this post in my soul.

+1
I could have written this. For mine I would add that I also have no one to talk to because people would think "her life is perfect. Why is she complaining? Etc"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My particular flavor of this is:

What am I going to do with this man that I’m not in love with anymore after these kids are gone? Are we seriously going to spend every day together? Why did I marry him? He’s so BORING.

This is me.

Uhgghghg my DH is soooooo wrapped up in his own life. Which is nice for him, and it's nice to have my own space, but when the kids are gone (youngest is 19 and on his way out the door as we speak) i have nobody to do anything with - camping, beach, concerts, movies, birthday parties.

waaaaahhhhh