Anyone else here having a full blown midlife/ existential crisis?

[Anonymous]

I’d love to know I’m not alone in thoughts like:
- my kids were just babies and now they are rapidly growing up and then will soon leave and then
- what will I do? Who am I without them? And also
- I should spend every minute they are still kids soaking it in but
- I have to work hard to afford to have the aforementioned kids and also
- they are annoying a lot! This creates a tension between the existential crisis and day to day life. Also
- I look increasingly wizened. Yuck. And
- why am I working every day at a job I hate when we are all going to die?
- why can I not afford to move house? Who are all these people who can afford these houses where I live? What good decisions did they make about marriage and career that i shamefully did not? And finally
- Wtf going to do when my parents tilt into crisis mode which I think may be any day.

Anyone else?? Would love to feel like I am not the lone all encompassing midlife crisis psycho

[Anonymous]

You’re so not alone. I felt this post in my soul.

[Anonymous]

This is the script that I basically fall asleep to.

The house thing is the most trivial but the most haunting and a good way to manage the insomnia that comes from the other thoughts. Sometimes I google houses or acquaintances to try to figure out where all the house money came from. I was surprised by how many people “bought” their parents’ houses and how many people have very, very rich grandparents. Tip: don’t buy your house with a LLC but then give it a cutesy name that’s obviously your kids’ initials. But once you eliminate those people there are still a ton of houses for which the math doesn’t make sense!

Part of my existential crisis is realizing that there are so many parts of the world that are hidden to me and that I’ll never understand. I grew up in a place where every house looked basically the same and the richest people were doctors making $200k/year. I had no idea there were professions or incomes behind that until college. Not even kidding. What else might I have missed along the way?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’re so not alone. I felt this post in my soul.

I did too!!

[Anonymous]

Girl I appreciate your honest, and humor

[Anonymous]

Right there with you. No advice but you definitely are not alone!

[Anonymous]

Absolutely feel the same. Plus a healthy dash of fear and grief about climate change.

[Anonymous]

Yep! Here too, right there with the kids growing too quickly and parents teetering on the edge.
Sprinkle in a bit of climate change panic and why am I addicted to my phone and DCUM.

[Anonymous]

My particular flavor of this is:

What am I going to do with this man that I’m not in love with anymore after these kids are gone? Are we seriously going to spend every day together? Why did I marry him? He’s so BORING.

[Anonymous]

OP I feel this.

[Anonymous]

Yep. I feel this too!

[Anonymous]

You nailed it in outlining my thoughts. Plus:

-Why have I allowed myself to be so caught up in the daily struggles of life that I didn’t enjoy my kids more?
-After paying for college, am I really going to be able to afford the retirement I’ve always dreamed of?
-Do I really want to spend the rest of what I have of life with DH, who I feel more annoyance and resentment towards than love?
-Have I taught my kids all the life lessons they need to succeed?

And the list goes on…

[Anonymous]

No, I don't feel any of it. Biggest worry is to get in better shape and live a good life at any age.
I have shared my kids with ex and relatives (7 aunts/uncles with no children) since they were little. Everyone wanted to see them and have them over. I'm used to not seeing them every day.
I actually have a countdown to their 18th birthday. In my culture 18 is a grownup and my job is to have them independent and ready to get the heck out.
My parents live on another continent and need no assistance from me. They get around fine and social worker is in every town/village.
Divorced long ago, so I'm not stuck with a person I don't love.
Money? I bought the usual suspects in 2020 when people were screaming from the rooftop to buy them. They all went up 5-10X. Since this happened to me,to an immigrant who knew nothing about money and had advanced education, I thought it happened to many people who paid attention. So I don't wonder where the money came from. I wonder why nobody was listening and still isn't.
Work? I'm not sure I should go to work or not. I have enough money to not work, but I know boss will be calling me before September. I usually give in and agree to work 15 hours a week.
I don't want a house for too many reasons. My sister has a house with a big back yard. It's just not for me.We grew up on a farm, so it's not like I don't know what I'm missing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is the script that I basically fall asleep to.

The house thing is the most trivial but the most haunting and a good way to manage the insomnia that comes from the other thoughts. Sometimes I google houses or acquaintances to try to figure out where all the house money came from. I was surprised by how many people “bought” their parents’ houses and how many people have very, very rich grandparents. Tip: don’t buy your house with a LLC but then give it a cutesy name that’s obviously your kids’ initials. But once you eliminate those people there are still a ton of houses for which the math doesn’t make sense!

Part of my existential crisis is realizing that there are so many parts of the world that are hidden to me and that I’ll never understand. I grew up in a place where every house looked basically the same and the richest people were doctors making $200k/year. I had no idea there were professions or incomes behind that until college. Not even kidding. What else might I have missed along the way?!

This one is so interesting. You don't know what you don't know, and intelligent people are frustrated by it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My particular flavor of this is:

What am I going to do with this man that I’m not in love with anymore after these kids are gone? Are we seriously going to spend every day together? Why did I marry him? He’s so BORING.

Gray divorce?

https://www.cnn.com/2023/08/05/health/boomers-divorce-living-alone-wellness-cec/index.html