Son feels bad about height

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My rising 9th grader feels very self-conscious about his height. He is 5'4 1/2" inches, so definitely short, but not insanely so. He is also relatively young for his grade (his birthday is 9/1). He does take some teasing about it from friends, as many of his friends are close to six feet tall (there are of course other boys relatively closer to him in height at school, like 5'6" or 5'8", but his close friends happen to be very tall).

I'm not sure what else I can say to him to make him feel better about this. He seems to still be growing, so the situation will improve, but he is just unlikely to wind up being especially tall. He has a girlfriend who is slightly taller than him (5'5"), and is happy in the relationship, so I am not sure why he is as hung up on this as he is.

I have 2 of these - one is 16 and one is 13. I sympathize with them and also tell them they need to learn to deal. That most people can't have/be everything and in their case they have/are x, x, and x, but they don't have height on their side. Life goes on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All of these responses bother me. They all operate from the assumption that being a short male is a bad thing, that you should be reassuring your son that he will eventually be taller. I think it is better to help him learn how to laugh off teasing and find lots of things to feel confident about in himself.

For context: my husband never got his growth spurt. He is 5'4" (he claims), but I am 5'2" and it seems to me we see eye to eye. His height used to bother him, too, when he was that age, but he did learn just to go with it, and the teasing was always friendly teasing among friends, not taunting.

If one lives one's life as if height doesn't matter, then it doesn't matter.

Height is a genetic thing. We don't tell people to hang in there and hope that their genetic "shortcoming" might get better. So why do we do this with height?

It's sort of like society-sanctioned height "bigotry."

Body positivity, folks!!! Height, weight, build, complexion, nose size, hair, whatever.

Good point. My son was actually nonchalant about being the shortest of all his friends, which was a very healthy attitude. But a lot of this is just his personality. It may be more difficult for some kids.

[Anonymous]

It is really tough to be short entering high school because it makes it so much harder to try to make a sports team. So I totally get it OP.

Both my boys played sports well enough to do club and all star teams in different sports in elementary and middle school. Unfortunately they both entered high school one at 5'2" and one at 5'4". So neither bother trying out for basketball even though one player club in 4-6th and did well. In soccer the one who was really a technically skilled player who could read the ball really well got pushed off the ball and then got a bone in his foot broken when a 200 plus pound player came down onto his foot during tryouts. The other son really wanted to do football but is just too light even though he is fast and has "good hands" when he has played flag football.

[Anonymous]

My DS is going into 9th and he's 5'3" 1/2. I don't think he's all that short but he complains about it. I think it's the age and the self-consciousness of it all. He may grow taller, he may not, and it's all outside of our control. He has to work with what's in front of him.

[Anonymous]

My rising 9th grade DS is about the same- about an inch taller but he is 14.5

It is supposedly average but it often does not seem so! DS’s friends/peers probably average 5’7”-5’8”

That said, my DS has been growing very steadily and isn’t that far along in puberty. Doesn’t even have underarm hair yet.

Height/physical maturity is a very big deal for boys this age- no use denying that! Of course boys who are outliers will worry and have concerns.

We just try to be reassuring and let him know that he WILL continue to mature, and we don’t know what his height will be, but he will probably grow a bit more. I don’t see what else one can do.

My DS will most likely be at least avg height eventually - we are 6’1” and 5’6”. My DH was also a late bloomer

[Anonymous]

My 19yo ds is 5'6". He is probably done growing. It sucks, tbh. People comment on his height ALL. THE. TIME. It's practically a daily occurrence. Even shorter girls and guys who are 5'8"/5'9" make digs about him being short.

We've done all we can to build his confidence and remind him of all he has going for him, which is a lot. Tell him everyone has their gifts and their crosses to bear. It's tough.

[Anonymous]

I’m Pretty sure my 20 year old DS just had a growth spurt! As long as you are not terribly short, he has a long road and a lot of growth in front of him. My DS is 6’1++ and I’m 5’7”
And my Dh is 5’8”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is really tough to be short entering high school because it makes it so much harder to try to make a sports team. So I totally get it OP.

Both my boys played sports well enough to do club and all star teams in different sports in elementary and middle school. Unfortunately they both entered high school one at 5'2" and one at 5'4". So neither bother trying out for basketball even though one player club in 4-6th and did well. In soccer the one who was really a technically skilled player who could read the ball really well got pushed off the ball and then got a bone in his foot broken when a 200 plus pound player came down onto his foot during tryouts. The other son really wanted to do football but is just too light even though he is fast and has "good hands" when he has played flag football.

+1

This is a big issue, and one of the reasons boys are so bothered by being short/late maturing at this age. Later maturers will have a harder time making teams (and earning any playing time) in HS…it can be very discouraging.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 19yo ds is 5'6". He is probably done growing. It sucks, tbh. People comment on his height ALL. THE. TIME. It's practically a daily occurrence. Even shorter girls and guys who are 5'8"/5'9" make digs about him being short.

We've done all we can to build his confidence and remind him of all he has going for him, which is a lot. Tell him everyone has their gifts and their crosses to bear. It's tough.

Seriously people comment on his height all the time? What do they say?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is really tough to be short entering high school because it makes it so much harder to try to make a sports team. So I totally get it OP.

Both my boys played sports well enough to do club and all star teams in different sports in elementary and middle school. Unfortunately they both entered high school one at 5'2" and one at 5'4". So neither bother trying out for basketball even though one player club in 4-6th and did well. In soccer the one who was really a technically skilled player who could read the ball really well got pushed off the ball and then got a bone in his foot broken when a 200 plus pound player came down onto his foot during tryouts. The other son really wanted to do football but is just too light even though he is fast and has "good hands" when he has played flag football.

+1

This is a big issue, and one of the reasons boys are so bothered by being short/late maturing at this age. Later maturers will have a harder time making teams (and earning any playing time) in HS…it can be very discouraging.

But they will be ok! They will. This is society's issue, not theirs. School sports is not the end all be all. I say this as a mom to 3 boys who are all athletic, one tall, 2 short and they figure it out and find their path.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All of these responses bother me. They all operate from the assumption that being a short male is a bad thing, that you should be reassuring your son that he will eventually be taller. I think it is better to help him learn how to laugh off teasing and find lots of things to feel confident about in himself.

For context: my husband never got his growth spurt. He is 5'4" (he claims), but I am 5'2" and it seems to me we see eye to eye. His height used to bother him, too, when he was that age, but he did learn just to go with it, and the teasing was always friendly teasing among friends, not taunting.

If one lives one's life as if height doesn't matter, then it doesn't matter.

Height is a genetic thing. We don't tell people to hang in there and hope that their genetic "shortcoming" might get better. So why do we do this with height?

It's sort of like society-sanctioned height "bigotry."

Body positivity, folks!!! Height, weight, build, complexion, nose size, hair, whatever.

+1000000

I HATE the responses of "oh don't worry he will still grow". Or the examples of "well my son was this but now he is this.".

Well, he may or he may not grow a ton more. Either is FINE. And it will be ok if he is 5'6". There is nothing anyone can do about it. Get on with the things you can control.

[Anonymous]

It’s true if you have a smaller boy people including adults comment ALL the time. Kids comment. I tell my son to tell the kids height isn’t an accomplishment or skill. Focus on what you are which is fast, agile, kind, and actually stronger than most of the kids making comments. Truth is people suck and they raise kids that suck. For some reason talking about boys and men’s heights is fair game. It shouldn’t be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 19yo ds is 5'6". He is probably done growing. It sucks, tbh. People comment on his height ALL. THE. TIME. It's practically a daily occurrence. Even shorter girls and guys who are 5'8"/5'9" make digs about him being short.

We've done all we can to build his confidence and remind him of all he has going for him, which is a lot. Tell him everyone has their gifts and their crosses to bear. It's tough.

He should consider moving to Europe - specifically Portugal, Spain, Italy, France

But even other countries in Europe with taller people are not as explicitly heightist.

Have him do study abroad in Madrid, Lisbon or Italy for a year to try it out

[Anonymous]

He needs to learn to stand with confidence and acceptance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 19yo ds is 5'6". He is probably done growing. It sucks, tbh. People comment on his height ALL. THE. TIME. It's practically a daily occurrence. Even shorter girls and guys who are 5'8"/5'9" make digs about him being short.

We've done all we can to build his confidence and remind him of all he has going for him, which is a lot. Tell him everyone has their gifts and their crosses to bear. It's tough.

He should consider moving to Europe - specifically Portugal, Spain, Italy, France

But even other countries in Europe with taller people are not as explicitly heightist.

Have him do study abroad in Madrid, Lisbon or Italy for a year to try it out

WTF? Or just tell him he is amazing the way he is.