Son feels bad about height

[Anonymous]

He’s 5 foot 4 1/2 inches and going into ninth grade? That does not seem short to me at all. When I was that age I was four inches shorter. As an adult man I’m 5’8”

[Anonymous]

My 7th grader is 4'8. That is not tall. We have always known that he will not be tall so we've focused on instilling a healthy body image on him and trying to discuss height in neutral terms. Obviously kids tease him and he is aware of it and sometimes he gets down but there is literally nothing else you can do.

[Anonymous]

All of these responses bother me. They all operate from the assumption that being a short male is a bad thing, that you should be reassuring your son that he will eventually be taller. I think it is better to help him learn how to laugh off teasing and find lots of things to feel confident about in himself.

For context: my husband never got his growth spurt. He is 5'4" (he claims), but I am 5'2" and it seems to me we see eye to eye. His height used to bother him, too, when he was that age, but he did learn just to go with it, and the teasing was always friendly teasing among friends, not taunting.

If one lives one's life as if height doesn't matter, then it doesn't matter.

Height is a genetic thing. We don't tell people to hang in there and hope that their genetic "shortcoming" might get better. So why do we do this with height?

It's sort of like society-sanctioned height "bigotry."

Body positivity, folks!!! Height, weight, build, complexion, nose size, hair, whatever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Girls on average finish growing long before boys so I’m not sure why the surprise the girlfriend is taller.

No, sorry if I gave that impression. I'm not surprised. My point was more, yes, she's a little taller than him but not that much, so that's likely not adding to his self-conscious feelings much.

Teens are self conscious. Your son is average height and is not short.

[Anonymous]

^ I am the second 16:44 above and was writing my response while the first 16:44 was also writing with the same sentiments about positive body image.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think that’s actually short. It’s basically average. My kid that age is 5’6.5”, and that’s over 70th percentile. He must just have tall friends.

+1 My DS was 5'1" at that age. Now, that is short. He hit puberty late. He's now 18, 5'10", and has passed most of his friends in height. They've all stopped growing; he is still growing.

They joke around and still call him "short" even though he is now taller than most of them. It's a moniker that will unfortunately stick with him in his friend group.

He struggled with this, too. Plus, he was chunky, wore glasses and had braces until 15. Now, there is something to complain about.

Luckily, he's super smart, and he said he was never really bullied about any of this. I think most of the kids wanted to be his "friend" in class because he was the smartest in his class. He at least had that going for him.

I just kept telling him that he will grow, but unfortunately , later. And it doesn't matter how tall or short he is in terms of how your life turns out. Don't let it stop you from being your best and succeeding. Trite, I know, but what else can you say?

[Anonymous]

^ Oops, I didn't realize how many 16:44s there are. Anyhow, I am the third and fifth16:44 on this page, agreeing with the second 16:44 on this page, about positive body image.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All of these responses bother me. They all operate from the assumption that being a short male is a bad thing, that you should be reassuring your son that he will eventually be taller. I think it is better to help him learn how to laugh off teasing and find lots of things to feel confident about in himself.

For context: my husband never got his growth spurt. He is 5'4" (he claims), but I am 5'2" and it seems to me we see eye to eye. His height used to bother him, too, when he was that age, but he did learn just to go with it, and the teasing was always friendly teasing among friends, not taunting.

If one lives one's life as if height doesn't matter, then it doesn't matter.

Height is a genetic thing. We don't tell people to hang in there and hope that their genetic "shortcoming" might get better. So why do we do this with height?

It's sort of like society-sanctioned height "bigotry."

Body positivity, folks!!! Height, weight, build, complexion, nose size, hair, whatever.

I'm the first 16:44 and this is exactly right!!!

[Anonymous]

All of these responses bother me. They all operate from the assumption that being a short male is a bad thing, that you should be reassuring your son that he will eventually be taller. I think it is better to help him learn how to laugh off teasing and find lots of things to feel confident about in himself.

For context: my husband never got his growth spurt. He is 5'4" (he claims), but I am 5'2" and it seems to me we see eye to eye. His height used to bother him, too, when he was that age, but he did learn just to go with it, and the teasing was always friendly teasing among friends, not taunting.

That's a fair point. I don't think friends are teasing him, exactly. He does not like that they sometimes do things like pick him up if a group photo is being taken (he is also skinny). I don't know that he has ever expressed that he dislikes this, but he really shouldn't have to say that - it's a weird thing to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

He’s still growing! What was your husband’s growth trajectory?

He's not tall. He's from Central America. My dad is relatively tall (5'11") and I am about average (a little over 5'5").

Only in America!

What do you expect? Dad is from Central America probably 5'7" and you are 5'5". Your kid might get lucky and grow to be 5'8".

By the way, my father is 5'8" ...average height for a Hispanic male!

[Anonymous]

Parents of 4 year olds take note. Redshirt your summer/fall birthday boy.

[Anonymous]

What do you expect? Dad is from Central America probably 5'7" and you are 5'5". Your kid might get lucky and grow to be 5'8".

He would be relatively satisfied if that were the case - meaning now, not in the future.

[Anonymous]

As a woman who was 5’10 at 12…don’t worry about it. I have dated all heights! Including a couple of men smaller than your son is now.

Just don’t make a big deal out of it or talk about his height all the time like it is something to worry about.

[Anonymous]

Kids grow at different times (and at different rates, obviously.) My oldest was 6'2" at 14yo. In retrospect he looked pretty freakish, like Andre the Giant. By HS graduation, he had only grown another inch and most of his friends had grown much more than that. They were mostly still shorter, but with one or two exceptions not in a dramatic way. And he was no longer the tallest kid in his class, not by a long shot.

I have a rising 9th grader as well, he is "only" 5'9" now. Up until recently, his growth rates surpassed his brother! I don't know if he is mostly done growing like his brother was, or if his growth spurt will be more elongated. Only time will tell.

[Anonymous]

My son was around that height at the beginning of 9th grade (late Sept. birthday). Considering he looked like he was 10 or 11 for most of 8th grade, he was fine with it. At almost 14, he could grasp that not every growing teen can be the same height. He certainly never wished he had been red-shirted.

He end up being between 5'9 and 5'10, stopped growing by 16. I'm 5'4 and DH is barely 5'8.