Poorly behaved houseguests

[Anonymous]

OP here. It is my inlaws. They got here Saturday, were only supposed to stay the weekend before visitsing other relatives, but the day before they arrived told us they wanted to spend extra time in DC, and we obliged. They're supposed to be leaving tomorrow (fingers crossed), but then they also said they would be back in DC on Friday or Saturday, implying that they would be staying with us again, before going home on Monday. I think we're just going to say it's been too disruptive for our 2yo (which is true!) and get them a hotel (spouse feels too bad about it so we will likely just pay).

I see the recommendation of asking the parents to tell their kid to behave, which seems kind of awkward to me. The parents will be in the same room, right next to their kid, as he's kicking a piece of furniture and not say a thing about it. So I've just been taking it upon myself. The end is hopefully in sight at least.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. It is my inlaws. They got here Saturday, were only supposed to stay the weekend before visitsing other relatives, but the day before they arrived told us they wanted to spend extra time in DC, and we obliged. They're supposed to be leaving tomorrow (fingers crossed), but then they also said they would be back in DC on Friday or Saturday, implying that they would be staying with us again, before going home on Monday. I think we're just going to say it's been too disruptive for our 2yo (which is true!) and get them a hotel (spouse feels too bad about it so we will likely just pay).

I see the recommendation of asking the parents to tell their kid to behave, which seems kind of awkward to me. The parents will be in the same room, right next to their kid, as he's kicking a piece of furniture and not say a thing about it. So I've just been taking it upon myself. The end is hopefully in sight at least.

Of course it’s the in laws! DCUM women are the most intolerant of in laws of any set of women on the planet!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. It is my inlaws. They got here Saturday, were only supposed to stay the weekend before visitsing other relatives, but the day before they arrived told us they wanted to spend extra time in DC, and we obliged. They're supposed to be leaving tomorrow (fingers crossed), but then they also said they would be back in DC on Friday or Saturday, implying that they would be staying with us again, before going home on Monday. I think we're just going to say it's been too disruptive for our 2yo (which is true!) and get them a hotel (spouse feels too bad about it so we will likely just pay).

I see the recommendation of asking the parents to tell their kid to behave, which seems kind of awkward to me. The parents will be in the same room, right next to their kid, as he's kicking a piece of furniture and not say a thing about it. So I've just been taking it upon myself. The end is hopefully in sight at least.

Honestly, at this point I’d use my teacher voice (high school, not preschool) and tell the kid to cut it out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. It is my inlaws. They got here Saturday, were only supposed to stay the weekend before visitsing other relatives, but the day before they arrived told us they wanted to spend extra time in DC, and we obliged. They're supposed to be leaving tomorrow (fingers crossed), but then they also said they would be back in DC on Friday or Saturday, implying that they would be staying with us again, before going home on Monday. I think we're just going to say it's been too disruptive for our 2yo (which is true!) and get them a hotel (spouse feels too bad about it so we will likely just pay).

I see the recommendation of asking the parents to tell their kid to behave, which seems kind of awkward to me. The parents will be in the same room, right next to their kid, as he's kicking a piece of furniture and not say a thing about it. So I've just been taking it upon myself. The end is hopefully in sight at least.

Of course it’s the in laws! DCUM women are the most intolerant of in laws of any set of women on the planet!

How is that some sort of gotcha? I would be perturbed if anyone, no matter the relationship, behaved that way. I just feel more awkward about telling them to shape up since they’re not my family. Also, how have I been intolerant? They’re being allowed to relax while my spouse and I are the only ones giving their kid any attention as he runs amok in our house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. It is my inlaws. They got here Saturday, were only supposed to stay the weekend before visitsing other relatives, but the day before they arrived told us they wanted to spend extra time in DC, and we obliged. They're supposed to be leaving tomorrow (fingers crossed), but then they also said they would be back in DC on Friday or Saturday, implying that they would be staying with us again, before going home on Monday. I think we're just going to say it's been too disruptive for our 2yo (which is true!) and get them a hotel (spouse feels too bad about it so we will likely just pay).

I see the recommendation of asking the parents to tell their kid to behave, which seems kind of awkward to me. The parents will be in the same room, right next to their kid, as he's kicking a piece of furniture and not say a thing about it. So I've just been taking it upon myself. The end is hopefully in sight at least.

Of course it’s the in laws! DCUM women are the most intolerant of in laws of any set of women on the planet!

NP here. My own brother is raising the same kind of disrespectful kids and I have no problem telling them what our rules are. It's not an IL thing; it's a different parenting thing.

[Anonymous]

My brother’s family just left. They are a lot like your in laws. Two young kids, ages 4 and 1. They practice “gentle parenting” aka not parenting. Our kids are older and very well behaved and even they were really annoyed by their cousins’ behavior. Finally, toward the end of the visit, I started saying things directly to the parents after many attempts to kindly redirect their kids. I’d say to my brother “Joe, make sure Simon doesn’t take food out of the kitchen.” That’s the only thing that worked. Me saying “Simon please stay here to eat” didn’t work. Me saying “we don’t eat in the living room” didnt work. I had to give directions and not add any pleases or thank yous or they’d ignore.

They will not be staying w us again maybe ever but at least not til their kids are much older.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You know how you're instructed to point to and say the name of a specific person when asking them to call 911, instead of just saying "Someone call 911"? That's the approach here.

"David, would you please ensure that Timmy doesn't jump on our furniture?"

"Jessica, would you please make sure Timmy eats at the table, and doesn't bring food into the living room?"

Stop addressing the kid's behavior, and start addressing the parents' behavior--bring it up again and again and maybe they'll either take more initiative, or will get sick of not being able to kick back and will leave blessedly sooner.

This is the way. And be prepared to suggest they play with him outside if “he’s all boy!” or just laugh it off saying “boys will be boys!”

[Anonymous]

What happened to the tough guy post claiming they threw guests out of their house twice and made them stay in a hotel?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. It is my inlaws. They got here Saturday, were only supposed to stay the weekend before visitsing other relatives, but the day before they arrived told us they wanted to spend extra time in DC, and we obliged. They're supposed to be leaving tomorrow (fingers crossed), but then they also said they would be back in DC on Friday or Saturday, implying that they would be staying with us again, before going home on Monday. I think we're just going to say it's been too disruptive for our 2yo (which is true!) and get them a hotel (spouse feels too bad about it so we will likely just pay).

I see the recommendation of asking the parents to tell their kid to behave, which seems kind of awkward to me. The parents will be in the same room, right next to their kid, as he's kicking a piece of furniture and not say a thing about it. So I've just been taking it upon myself. The end is hopefully in sight at least.

Of course it’s the in laws! DCUM women are the most intolerant of in laws of any set of women on the planet!

How is that some sort of gotcha? I would be perturbed if anyone, no matter the relationship, behaved that way. I just feel more awkward about telling them to shape up since they’re not my family. Also, how have I been intolerant? They’re being allowed to relax while my spouse and I are the only ones giving their kid any attention as he runs amok in our house.

Because I guarantee that if it were your family and not your in law you’d think it’s cute.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. It is my inlaws. They got here Saturday, were only supposed to stay the weekend before visitsing other relatives, but the day before they arrived told us they wanted to spend extra time in DC, and we obliged. They're supposed to be leaving tomorrow (fingers crossed), but then they also said they would be back in DC on Friday or Saturday, implying that they would be staying with us again, before going home on Monday. I think we're just going to say it's been too disruptive for our 2yo (which is true!) and get them a hotel (spouse feels too bad about it so we will likely just pay).

I see the recommendation of asking the parents to tell their kid to behave, which seems kind of awkward to me. The parents will be in the same room, right next to their kid, as he's kicking a piece of furniture and not say a thing about it. So I've just been taking it upon myself. The end is hopefully in sight at least.

Of course it’s the in laws! DCUM women are the most intolerant of in laws of any set of women on the planet!

How is that some sort of gotcha? I would be perturbed if anyone, no matter the relationship, behaved that way. I just feel more awkward about telling them to shape up since they’re not my family. Also, how have I been intolerant? They’re being allowed to relax while my spouse and I are the only ones giving their kid any attention as he runs amok in our house.

Because I guarantee that if it were your family and not your in law you’d think it’s cute.

Definitely not. How absurd. I don’t think it’s cute even when my own kid acts out.

[Anonymous]

If you say, "Timmy, if you jump on that couch one more time after I've asked you not to, I will give you a spanking you will never forget" I bet the parents will either try to control little Timmy or they will leave. Win win.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I cannot believe all these replies. Presumably you allowed them to visit and stay with you? They didn't just shop up? Seriously, just nicely ask the kid to change the behavior if it's really bad. Tell him the rules and ask him to comply. Do it nicely and get over it. It's a few days and these people are obviously part of your life. Just be courteous and patient for a few days. I would never ever behave the way some posters are suggesting. If you do or say those things to those parents, particularly suggesting they leave because of their kid's behavior, that relationship will be over forever. I would guess the guests are your really your spouse's and you're looking to judge, though, too, right?

You do realize that...OP has already tried this approach, yes? And it hasn't work.

So now it's time to try another tactic, right? That's what we are suggesting.

And no, it's actually not being courteous to teach this kid and his parents that they can roll up and act like this in someone's home, to the point of being destructive and disruptive. You're the type who confuses "being courteous" with "being a doormat." Those are two different things.

I know it very well. I also know how not to walk around with a stick in my...

All evidence to the contrary. Or, as you so inelegantly put it, "Bullsh*t, bullsh*t"

Stay classy.

I'm the PP and not the one who posted that. As I said in my just previous post, there are several who think you all need to learn to chill.

Please do let us know how asking parents to stop their child from jumping on furniture or doing other destructive and disruptive things in one’s home is hysterical or over-the-top. No one is suggesting kicking anyone out, no one is suggesting yelling at the kid or the parents, no one is suggesting spanking the kid. Opening your mouth and talking to a kid’s parents is, in fact, a pretty “chill” way to stop a kid bouncing on your furniture.[/quote

There's just a way to do it without sounding like an uptight, formal priss. When the kid is doing something wrong, just say, "yo Billy, off the furniture dude." Then redirect and maybe offer something for the kid to do. The kid is probably bored silly as are the parents. Ask him to help you pull some snacks together. Be interesting and fun. That way they kid won't be so bored at your house and driving you crazy. Again, loosen up and be cool.

I mean, you may have a point except—OP talking directly to the kid is not working. So why are you suggesting more direct interaction with the kid? Again, that isn’t working. Are you really That Parent who lets your kid jump on the furniture at other people’s houses?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you say, "Timmy, if you jump on that couch one more time after I've asked you not to, I will give you a spanking you will never forget" I bet the parents will either try to control little Timmy or they will leave. Win win.

Now that we know they feel free to extend their stay, OP should feel free to be a little more hands on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. It is my inlaws. They got here Saturday, were only supposed to stay the weekend before visitsing other relatives, but the day before they arrived told us they wanted to spend extra time in DC, and we obliged. They're supposed to be leaving tomorrow (fingers crossed), but then they also said they would be back in DC on Friday or Saturday, implying that they would be staying with us again, before going home on Monday. I think we're just going to say it's been too disruptive for our 2yo (which is true!) and get them a hotel (spouse feels too bad about it so we will likely just pay).

I see the recommendation of asking the parents to tell their kid to behave, which seems kind of awkward to me. The parents will be in the same room, right next to their kid, as he's kicking a piece of furniture and not say a thing about it. So I've just been taking it upon myself. The end is hopefully in sight at least.

Of course it’s the in laws! DCUM women are the most intolerant of in laws of any set of women on the planet!

I don’t care if it’s my sister/BIL, or my brother and his partner, or my BIL/SIL, or my cousin’s family, or DH’s cousin’s family: if you let your kid jump on furniture in my house, yell and scream in my house, or hit my kids, etc.? You’re going to be asked to address the behavior directly, and if you aren’t willing to do that, you will be leaving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What happened to the tough guy post claiming they threw guests out of their house twice and made them stay in a hotel?

NP. What do you mean “what happened”? They said what they did, and apparently didn’t feel the need to respond when some dolt said “no you didn’t.” That’s what I do with trolls who falsely accuse me of this or that on DCUM: I ignore them.