Roomie wants to discuss decorating?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh. Giving control freak vibes, privately. To your DD, try to be enrhusiastic and see this as an opportunity for both self expression and get to know roomate better before school starts.

+1 Yes, afraid this may be a control freak too. I showed my DD some nice pillows I found that can be put on the bed like a headboard sort of..but not. You just lean up against it or put it on the wall for a comfortable sitting area on your bed. Roommate said "well, we need to find out where the beds are placed first!" Seemed like she was really taking charge and I have the most mild mannered DD. So, yes, I am afraid of a control freak roommate and pray this won't be the case for DD's first semester.

As I said, don't want to get off on the wrong foot or be seen as a kill joy. Idea to coordinate colors is a good one.

Honestly, I never thought of this way back when. AS long as my roommate was clean and decent and not scr$wing someone in my room everynight, things were great by me.

I mean she has a point. Those pillows don’t work if there isn’t a wall to lean into. Seriously going off to college is stressful enough. Don’t make these communications between roommates difficult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh. Giving control freak vibes, privately. To your DD, try to be enrhusiastic and see this as an opportunity for both self expression and get to know roomate better before school starts.

This is not control freak vibes. Super common with girls. You’re reading too much into it and just looking for problems.

Not PP but trying to make a kid you never met decorate their first away-from-home living space in the way you want is pretty controlling. They should each just choose what works for them and f-ing adapt.

You sound like a real peach.

Because I think some random teen shouldn’t dictate how their roommate decorates their half of the room? Mmkay.

No, because you equate a simple question with dictating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Headboards and full out decor more common in the south. DD and roommate at New England SLAC are coordinating colors and that's it.

Niece going to Duke has a wealthy roommate bringing a $1200 carpet, color coordinated retro mini refrigerator with matching microwave, matching headboards, and more

Ummm. That sounds insane.

[Anonymous]

Your daughter should be herself. That is a good strategy for the college years generally.
All she has to say is, “ I was not planning on getting a headboard, but you should for sure if you want one.”

My DD never brought a headboard to college, and the more experienced the student, the less they usually decide to lug to and from campus each year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh. Giving control freak vibes, privately. To your DD, try to be enrhusiastic and see this as an opportunity for both self expression and get to know roomate better before school starts.

This is not control freak vibes. Super common with girls. You’re reading too much into it and just looking for problems.

Not PP but trying to make a kid you never met decorate their first away-from-home living space in the way you want is pretty controlling. They should each just choose what works for them and f-ing adapt.

She’s not trying to make someone decorate it. She asked a question. How do you get along with people in life if this question upsets you? The dd can reply she’s not interested in a headboard. Maybe she wants to do comforters, maybe not. It’s helpful to not duplicate some items.
Always assume good intentions.

I get along in life by not telling people how their personal spaces should be decorated, I guess?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh. Giving control freak vibes, privately. To your DD, try to be enrhusiastic and see this as an opportunity for both self expression and get to know roomate better before school starts.

+1 Yes, afraid this may be a control freak too. I showed my DD some nice pillows I found that can be put on the bed like a headboard sort of..but not. You just lean up against it or put it on the wall for a comfortable sitting area on your bed. Roommate said "well, we need to find out where the beds are placed first!" Seemed like she was really taking charge and I have the most mild mannered DD. So, yes, I am afraid of a control freak roommate and pray this won't be the case for DD's first semester.

As I said, don't want to get off on the wrong foot or be seen as a kill joy. Idea to coordinate colors is a good one.

Honestly, I never thought of this way back when. AS long as my roommate was clean and decent and not scr$wing someone in my room everynight, things were great by me.

Do you mean like a husband pillow? Those don’t really work unless the bed is in the corner. It’s also what I brought when I went to college 20ish years ago!

I would try to keep an open mind. Your daughter’s roommate may be very nice and just excited about her first chance to decorate a space. Several of my cousins have kids in college, and especially in the south, decorating the rooms (and bathrooms!) is definitely a big thing. Let your daughter take the lead. If she has a set budget for how much she wants to spend on decor, she can share that. Maybe the roommate is rich and will buy matching headboards! She should definitely not be pressured into anything she doesn’t like or want, but maybe it would be fun for your daughter to get involved in planning and picking out things. Don’t let your negative attitude influence your daughter (although I personally agree that it is insane to spend so much effort/money in a very temporary communal space.)

Dorms have come a long way from the milk crate and sticky tack band posters I brought way back in the day!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's been a thing for many, many years. Just googled dorm decorating and you'll see features.

There's a whole website for it called Dormify.

https://www.dormify.com/

expensive!!

There is a sucker born every day, and 18 years later many of them head off to college.

There really is no need to go over the top with all of this, but if the kid is nervous/insecure, they may trend in that direction.

No need for all involved to follow in kind.

[Anonymous]

It can cost up to 50K! Some people are crazy.

Lots of girls in shared rooms will decorate. They will use the stuff for a year before they are on to an apartment.

The rooms look great once they are set up. They never look that way again for the rest of the year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It can cost up to 50K! Some people are crazy.

Lots of girls in shared rooms will decorate. They will use the stuff for a year before they are on to an apartment.

The rooms look great once they are set up. They never look that way again for the rest of the year.

I beg of you to step back and let DD handle this!!! She is going to encounter many scenarios like this in friendships, work settings, agreeing to be a bridesmaid etc and this is a great, relatively low stakes, opportunity for her to think about what she wants, set boundaries and communicate them. You can let her know approx what you’d budgeted for her for supplies (but know they do add up so be generous) and let her navigate this!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh. Giving control freak vibes, privately. To your DD, try to be enrhusiastic and see this as an opportunity for both self expression and get to know roomate better before school starts.

This is not control freak vibes. Super common with girls. You’re reading too much into it and just looking for problems.

Not PP but trying to make a kid you never met decorate their first away-from-home living space in the way you want is pretty controlling. They should each just choose what works for them and f-ing adapt.

She’s not trying to make someone decorate it. She asked a question. How do you get along with people in life if this question upsets you? The dd can reply she’s not interested in a headboard. Maybe she wants to do comforters, maybe not. It’s helpful to not duplicate some items.
Always assume good intentions.

I get along in life by not telling people how their personal spaces should be decorated, I guess?

+1 It's called being easy-going and flexible

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh. Giving control freak vibes, privately. To your DD, try to be enrhusiastic and see this as an opportunity for both self expression and get to know roomate better before school starts.

This is not control freak vibes. Super common with girls. You’re reading too much into it and just looking for problems.

Not PP but trying to make a kid you never met decorate their first away-from-home living space in the way you want is pretty controlling. They should each just choose what works for them and f-ing adapt.

You sound like a real peach.

Because I think some random teen shouldn’t dictate how their roommate decorates their half of the room? Mmkay.

NP. It didn't sound like she was dictating at all. She started a conversation. OP was thrown off. That's it.

Yes, this is common for girls, whether they are Southern or not. OP and DD now need to decide if they want to decorate and to what degree.

[Anonymous]

I could not believe the dumpsters after I picked up my freshman after year one. Absolutely full of all this room decor garbage. It was a pretty ugly sight.

Keep it simple and don't get a lot of crap that ends up in a landfill.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It can cost up to 50K! Some people are crazy.

Lots of girls in shared rooms will decorate. They will use the stuff for a year before they are on to an apartment.

The rooms look great once they are set up. They never look that way again for the rest of the year.

I beg of you to step back and let DD handle this!!! She is going to encounter many scenarios like this in friendships, work settings, agreeing to be a bridesmaid etc and this is a great, relatively low stakes, opportunity for her to think about what she wants, set boundaries and communicate them. You can let her know approx what you’d budgeted for her for supplies (but know they do add up so be generous) and let her navigate this!!

You would be AMAZED how many parents are getting involved in decorating the kid's room on the University Parents' FB Page. Questions are asked about room measurements, what type of carrying caddy for bath, lockboxes for room, foam on mattresses on more. OP is allowing kid to do it. Just expressing frustration.

[Anonymous]

I'm pp and reading more of thread -- OP is the one creating drama. It's funny that you're calling the roommate a "control freak," when you're acting like a control freak yourself.

Handle it however you want, without drama.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh. Giving control freak vibes, privately. To your DD, try to be enrhusiastic and see this as an opportunity for both self expression and get to know roomate better before school starts.

This is not control freak vibes. Super common with girls. You’re reading too much into it and just looking for problems.

Not PP but trying to make a kid you never met decorate their first away-from-home living space in the way you want is pretty controlling. They should each just choose what works for them and f-ing adapt.

Who said she's trying to make her do anything? All she did was inquire. OP's daughter can respond that she's not interested if she doesn't want to coordinate.

Exactly, assuming a request to “coordinate” is “pretty controlling” says a whole lot about pp’s world view.