I cannot keep cooking when my tween insults my food

[Anonymous]

Your husband is working late and no one really wants or cares if you cook every single night. You are stressed so have your daughter make the plain pasta with cheese. A incomplete meal every once in a while is fine. When DH is working late we sometimes do fruit smoothies with scrambled eggs for dinner with appetizers of veggies and hummus or whatever spread that we have.

[Anonymous]

Once I was out of town and my husband was caring for our 2 yr old and my 14 yr old sister who lived with us. He told me that he was fixing dinner and she came into the kitchen, looked at what he was cooking and said, "What is this crap, is that supposed to be dinner?" He said he told her, "Not for you" and she was not allowed to eat it. I don't know what she had but I know he didn't fix it.

She did not speak so rudely to him again. Probably she was having a bad day, or a bad year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm literally half way through cooking dinner and my tween comes up to me and insults all of it. Without getting into detail, she says something like "ugh, this AGAIN, yuck," etc.

My face kind of falls and then she asks if she was being rude. I say, yes, rude, but more than rude, she was being hurtful. She immediately apologized and said she didn't mean to, she should have thought before she spoke.

She's asking if I'm mad at her, and I'm telling her I'm not mad at her, but I am hurt, because cooking for a family of 5 after a long day is hard work, and it is demoralizing to have my cooking insulted. I'm proud of her for realizing it was rude and apologizing.

I think maybe the best thing to do would be to let it go, particularly because she apologized. But I literally don't want to cook dinner anymore. I turned off the stove, everything halfway cooked, and I just want to quit. I will give my other kids plain pasta (which they probably prefer) and I don't want to cook a meat / vegetable after being so demoralized. My DH is working late tonight anyway. I feel like I don't want to eat.

How bad is this? I don't want to punish her by not cooking, I just had a really bad day and I cannot bring myself to spend another 20 minutes on something that no one freaking wants or appreciates.

I think it's fine OP. It's not like you threw it at her. We all have a breaking point. I expect your child is sobered but not traumatized.

Be kind to yourself and make weeknight dinners as simple as possible. Pasta with raw veggies on the side. Make one night 'clean out the fridge night' and everyone takes their choice of leftovers or eats a sandwich.

And don't listen to the rest of DCUM. I am your one true sister kitchen Saint.

[Anonymous]

You had a bad day, you are allowed to make pasta with butter. Maybe DD had a bad day too, & told you the honest truth - & then she apologized when she realized it hurt you.

All par for the course in a day as a human being who lives with other human beings. No one here is awful, or to blame, or whatever. You did well parenting by being honest right back to tween & telling her it hurt. And then take it easy on yourself, pasta & cheese sounds great….my picky eater ate that a good 50% of his childhood, by his own choice, & it’s fine.
Take it easy on yourself & your tween, you’re all doing fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell her she can make dinner.

+1

Why don’t the kids make dinner?

[Anonymous]

Grow a thicker skin. Or don’t try to cook an elaborate meal.

[Anonymous]

This happened once (I think?), she apologized, and now you move on.

[Anonymous]

When my DS was in late elementary school, he walked in the door and said, “What’s that stink?” I happily exclaimed,”That’s your dinner, hope you are hungry!”

[Anonymous]

I feel you. I have been the sole chef in my family since I got married, which I don't mind doing but only if it's appreciated. I would say that as my teens have grown, they have less tolerance for saucy dishes and things like that, so I have changed my cooking a bit just so they actually like coming to the table. I make simple breaded chicken (panko crispy in a pan) at least 3 days a week, with some plain pasta on the side and in the summer just some washed fruit. That's it. They come to the table with whatever dipping sauce they want from the fridge, and everyone is happy. I guess what I'm saying is make it less complicated, and give yourself a break. And well done making dinner for your family all these years!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Grow a thicker skin. Or don’t try to cook an elaborate meal.

Grow thicker skin so you can raise your kids to be rude and hurtful? No. Discipline means teaching your kids when they do wrong, and what that tween said was not okay. The OP handled it just fine.

Everyone's entitled to bad days, even emotionally mature adults. Deciding that the OP is unstable because of something that happened *once* isn't credible.

OP, FWIW, my kids sometimes do versions of what your daughter did, and I always tell them it's not acceptable, because it's not. Hang in there. I hope today is better.

[Anonymous]

If you are this affected by a rude teenager (who immediately caught herself and apologized!), you are in for a rough, rough ride, OP. This is squarely a you problem, and you need to deal with it, whether by yourself or in therapy.