I cannot keep cooking when my tween insults my food
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Anonymous
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I'm literally half way through cooking dinner and my tween comes up to me and insults all of it. Without getting into detail, she says something like "ugh, this AGAIN, yuck," etc.
My face kind of falls and then she asks if she was being rude. I say, yes, rude, but more than rude, she was being hurtful. She immediately apologized and said she didn't mean to, she should have thought before she spoke. She's asking if I'm mad at her, and I'm telling her I'm not mad at her, but I am hurt, because cooking for a family of 5 after a long day is hard work, and it is demoralizing to have my cooking insulted. I'm proud of her for realizing it was rude and apologizing. I think maybe the best thing to do would be to let it go, particularly because she apologized. But I literally don't want to cook dinner anymore. I turned off the stove, everything halfway cooked, and I just want to quit. I will give my other kids plain pasta (which they probably prefer) and I don't want to cook a meat / vegetable after being so demoralized. My DH is working late tonight anyway. I feel like I don't want to eat. How bad is this? I don't want to punish her by not cooking, I just had a really bad day and I cannot bring myself to spend another 20 minutes on something that no one freaking wants or appreciates. |
Anonymous
| She apologized. Grow up and move on. |
Anonymous
| Tell her she can make dinner. |
Anonymous
That's rough, op. Are you sure it is about the cooking and not something else going on? Often times when I feel low or stressed any little thing can make me sad. Just finish cooking the meal and try to enjoy it. To the daughter who complained put her in charge for the dinner tomorrow! It could be scrambled eggs and toast if that's all she can do but, she will appreciate your cooking! |
Anonymous
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I’m glad you told her she was being rude. Tweens and teens who act like this need to hear it directly.
1. Either finish the cooking meal or stop. It’s just one meal. 2. Tween is now responsible for planning and cooking one meal on a weekday the rest summer. Totally age appropriate. 3. Family meeting (10 minutes) when all are free to talk about the division of chores, outsourcing more to kids, and general respect in the household. 4. Talk a nice relaxing shower, go to bed early and deal with it when you are refreshed. |
Anonymous
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OP, why isn't she at your side helping? This isn't punishment. It's being about to effect change in exactly the area that she finds isn't good enough.
It's also a great life skill. |
Anonymous
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You have to be more emotionally mature than this to deal with teenagers. Pouting and not cooking dinner even though it’s halfway done is unstable behavior and reminds me of something my borderline personality disorder mom would do.
She immediately apologized. Move on and going forward create a plan for her to cook dinner for the family once or twice a week since she has so many complaints. |
Anonymous
| Ps it’s ok to be mad at her. And tell her you’re mad. Girls need to see other women and their moms be responsible but angry. Anger in women is not a death sentence. |
Anonymous
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She should make dinner once a week. Period. She makes a plan, you’ll provision, and she’s responsible for cooking. One of your other kids is on clean up.
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Anonymous
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Also, good resources:
https://www.fairplaylife.com/ https://www.pinterest.com/grownandflown/best-of-grown-flown/ |
Anonymous
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Have her make dinner and clean up from it one night a week. She has to plan it, prep, cook, get it plated on the table she set at a normal dinner time, and then clean up.
I make my kids do this. They never complain about what I'm making. Sometimes they ask if we can take a break from a specific food if they're tired of it, but that's it. |
Anonymous
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OP here.
Yup, I should be more emotionally mature. I know this. 
I just had such a bad day. Just such a bad day. And this was like the final straw. I don't want to emotionally punish her, but I don't want to keep cooking, and she's eating plain pasta with cheese as we speak. Her siblings don't even notice that it's not a more elaborate (or nutritionally balanced) meal. Also - sometimes people on here post things like "you have to be more emotionally mature" or "grow up move on" and it's like, yeah, duh, I know I'm overreacting (though, in my defense, I'm doing so quietly and privately, which my parents never would have done). I'm just crumbling. It just hit me where it hurts. Sometimes the things a tween can do is just the final straw. |
Anonymous
| The way you turned everything off half done and stormed out is sounding quite punitive and manipulative. She apologized, I would finish dinner. Maybe discuss it at a later time, and invite her to pick some dishes and help out. She sounds old enough to be assisting with prep or clean up! |
Anonymous
| She makes diner for everyone tomorrow you will never hear her say a thing again. |
Anonymous
It’s not private if you stopped cooking mid-prep and, therefore, punished your other kids. |