How to tell parents we don’t wish to travel with them?

[Anonymous]

^ adding to above. I just did the math, your youngest will be 14 or 15 at the time of the next trip? I’m genuinely curious what your family is doing at Disney with teens. They aren’t bored?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would change things completely and go somewhere else, so it won't feel like they are being excluded from the tradition they created. Go somewhere else with them for a shorter time that will be more doable for all of you.

Basically, create a new tradition with them, and also create something new with just your immediate family. There are plenty of other places to go besides Disney, and it doesn't mean you can't go back to Disney in a year or two, once you have decoupled the "tradition."

+1.

It sounds like OP’s parents have a life expectancy of less than 10 years remaining and mobile years fewer than that. I’d do every accommodation I could to make sure I used opportunities these next ten years to make sure I saw them and my kids spent time with them, and that meaningful experiences were built.

[Anonymous]

No way. If the kids are young teens there is only five years left for family vacations. You shouldn’t make them miserable to accommodate granny. It’s far more important to establish enjoyable vacation memories with your kids now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^ adding to above. I just did the math, your youngest will be 14 or 15 at the time of the next trip? I’m genuinely curious what your family is doing at Disney with teens. They aren’t bored?

+1

Seriously, OP? Are you truly taking your teenage children to Disney every other year? And they like it? Please show some imagination. And please find a way to spend time with your aging parents in a fashion they can keep up with. There are so many other places in the world. You'r parents are just looking for a way to spend time with you and your family to connect. And you seem obsessed with theme parks.

[Anonymous]

+1 to doing a Disney cruise with them. Your kids will probably like the change of pace, too! And you can add on a couple days at Disney before/after the cruise with just your small family. Yes, you will have to tell them about that part but hopefully the cruise part will soften the blow.

[Anonymous]

I vote for either going elsewhere altogether or if not possible - lying about going with other families.

[Anonymous]

OP you are 100% within your right and correct to make your family vacation enjoyable. Ignore posters telling you to change to a cruise or a boomer friendly venue. Chances are this is the last time your kids will want Disney so let them have a good time.

Just tell your parents no and you are not going with your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would change things completely and go somewhere else, so it won't feel like they are being excluded from the tradition they created. Go somewhere else with them for a shorter time that will be more doable for all of you.

Basically, create a new tradition with them, and also create something new with just your immediate family. There are plenty of other places to go besides Disney, and it doesn't mean you can't go back to Disney in a year or two, once you have decoupled the "tradition."

OH hell no. They ‘ve invited themselves along for years and have been making everyone miserable but it their tradition that they established?? NO JUST NO.

I have a miserable older relative who constantly tries to invite herself or worm her way in and then the following year declare its a tradition. Bullsh$*t.

OP go to Disney if that’s what you enjoy or go somewhere else if you prefer. Just tell them that this year you are just traveling with your family. You don’t owe them an extra vacation. You don’t have to find an alternative place to accommodate their miserableness. Stop the crazy and just go have a nice boomer free vacation.

Did you not read the original post? The grandparents started the tradition with the OP and family. It used to be wonderful and now that particular trip doesn't work. It used to work because grandparents were younger and more mobile, ie could help out. Now, OP's kids are older, don't need help, and probably move faster and do more. During the 10 years that OP's kids became teenagers, her parents have really slowed down. It seems cruel to cut them out now so I agree that you should find a new trip to enjoy together and put this one on hold for a couple of years. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Be honest without being unkind.

"We're planning a trip to Disney again next year, and this time we want it to be just the four of us. We definitely want to do another vacation with you -- I was thinking a cabin on a lake? What do you think?"

I think they'll be relieved, OP.

Why would you think that? Obviously they enjoyed it since they went every time!

I would just tell them you want a vacation with just the four of you. Did your grandparents always tag along on your vacations growing up?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Man, OP, you are a glutton for punishment. Disney vacations every other year? I can’t imagine anything worse. I’m with the 70 year old poster above - your parents will be relieved!

This

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man, OP, you are a glutton for punishment. Disney vacations every other year? I can’t imagine anything worse. I’m with the 70 year old poster above - your parents will be relieved!

This

It all depends on the length of the Disney vacation. Every 2-3 years for 2 or 3 nights is bearable. OP kids are estimated to have the youngest at age 13-14 on the 2024 trip so unless there is something major new and wonderful for them at Disney I'd flip to Universal.

The old parents can hang out at the hotel and join for some meals or pool sits. But as I noted in another post those old and slow parents don't seem to want to adapt to their current limitations.

[Anonymous]

You need to rip the bandaid off, OP. My parents are the opposite - they're capable of traveling, but their anxiety has made them refuse all the trips we proposed except just coming to our house and hanging out. The day they told me they could not participate in our usual travel (modified to accommodate them), was a sad day for me indeed. But at least they told me.

Good luck. You can do this.

[Anonymous]

This is what cruises are made for. You do excursions and they can rest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man, OP, you are a glutton for punishment. Disney vacations every other year? I can’t imagine anything worse. I’m with the 70 year old poster above - your parents will be relieved!

This

You know what is worse? A cruise or a beach rental where your vacation becomes a miserable oblication designed to entertain rude boomers who invite themselves. Our grandparents NEVER invited themselves or horned in on any of their adult kids vacations. Yet now those boomers expect every adult child’s vacation to include and cater to them. They are just so so special.

I’m not a Disney person but my husband loves it because it’s easy to plan and the kids always have fun. One kid still enjoys going as a teen while the other one is happy to do normal Europe vacations. If OP and her family love Disney more power to them. It’s their vacation.

The other reality that the boomer chorus is ignoring is that people who have already made your vacation miserable and invite themselves along are not going to magically become fun and pleasant people if you change the venue. Disney is actually quite easy for grandparents to go slower, hang around the hotel, sleep late, eat longer breakfasts, go to bed early etc. The key is that they have to be considerate enough to not insist on tagging along for everything. They need to be independent not selfish. If they aren’t doing that and instead badgering the OPs family to curb all their activities to be on boomer time then it will likely be just as bad if not worse at a different venue.