How to tell parents we don’t wish to travel with them?

[Anonymous]

Every two years or so, ever since our youngest was three, we’ve done Disney vacations with my parents. It’s been over a decade since our first family trip there and my parents have aged drastically in that time and are in their mid-70s now with major medical and physical limitations. Long story short, it’s too much for them but they are sort of in denial and won’t concede to that fact, yet want to invite themselves along and then make the trip miserable for not only themselves, but also everyone else.

We are planning a 2024 trip and don’t know what to do. I don’t want to tell them we are even going, but I have to tell them we are going somewhere because I handle some things for them and my absence will be noticed. I have considered telling them we are going somewhere else, but historically we always send pics via text from the beach or wherever else we are, and they enjoy looking at our pictures when we return—how would I even circumvent such a lie? I could always say it was a last minute thing, but my parents know how far in advance things have to be planned. No way they’d buy that.

So here I am, faced with having to tell them basically that Disney vacations with them are no longer enjoyable, which is even worse! Help me figure out how to navigate this without breaking their hearts!

[Anonymous]

Options

1. Be direct and short. This year we just want as our small family. If they complain just repeat and maybe add there’s nothing more to discuss.
2. Be direct and fully honest. This year we just want to go as our small family. The kids are bigger and will be going full blast morning, noon and night. Last trip you were miserable and it made us miserable. It’s not happening anymore.

3. Lie. You have a work conference and are going hiking, kayaking whatever they would hate afterward. Don’t tell them anymore information. Disney has a conference center in the contemporary. When you send disney pics you just say that DH and the kids tagged along.

[Anonymous]

Be honest. Tell them you are planning a trip for just your family this time.

Would your parents do better on a Disney Cruise? Maybe set that idea up for the next one.

[Anonymous]

Don't tell them why they can't come. Just say you and DH have decided you want to do your 2024 trip as a family of four this time, that you need time alone, but you look forward to seeing them in September or whenever the next time you can see them will be.

[Anonymous]

Mom, we're going to Disney next year just the four of us. How about if we plan a trip to the beach with you instead? It will be a lot easier for you and us.

[Anonymous]

I am almost 70 and going to Disney sounds like a horrible exercise in torture to me. Are you sure they actually want to go there? Maybe they just like spending time with you. Tell them you are planning a week somewhere else with just them, like a cabin on a lake, where the big excitement will be going into town to get an ice cream cone or watching a movie together.

After you tell them about this wonderful vacation then mention that you are also taking the kids to Disney another week but it will just be your little family this time. If they say they want to go, just say no.

[Anonymous]

How bad are their physical limitations? Is it primarily walking that's a problem?

Maybe they can rent mobility scooters at the park.

I also agree it's going to be sad news for them but it's best to be honest. Just tell them that they appear to struggle and it's not fun for anyone to see that, since you care about them and love them.

Then suggest/ask if they would be willing to compromise: They spend every other day at the hotel and just take it easy, the days you do go to the park they will use mobility scooters.

Just note that mobility scooters are first-come first-served at the parks, so you would need to get there early. They don't take reservations for them.

[Anonymous]

Man, OP, you are a glutton for punishment. Disney vacations every other year? I can’t imagine anything worse. I’m with the 70 year old poster above - your parents will be relieved!

[Anonymous]

This is a situation where "clear is kind" applies. Just tell them.

[Anonymous]

Going to Disney sounds awful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Going to Disney sounds awful.

Millions of people disagree with you, and that’s ok!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Going to Disney sounds awful.

Then don’t go. Not sure why you felt the need to post that.

[Anonymous]

1) You plan a nice long weekend with them, somewhere close to them and totally manageable.

2) You go on a longer vacation with your spouse and kids. You tell parents right before, send pics. If they have feelings about it, those feelings are theirs to manage. “We wanted to do something with just us. We had a great time with you in Williamsburg, and we’re looking forward to [next visit].”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1) You plan a nice long weekend with them, somewhere close to them and totally manageable.

2) You go on a longer vacation with your spouse and kids. You tell parents right before, send pics. If they have feelings about it, those feelings are theirs to manage. “We wanted to do something with just us. We had a great time with you in Williamsburg, and we’re looking forward to [next visit].”

I think this is the best approach. Plan something that they can look forward to, and also let them know clearly that you're doing a nuclear family trip to Disney.

[Anonymous]

Do you have to do a Disney trip every time? It's easier to break tradition if you fully break it, vs just excluding them .