This is how he "helps"...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Put it back and rewash without detergent. No big deal.

Exactly. Just thin and shrink and fade the clothes double each time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But, he did his laundry.

He sure showed her!

Next time $9 a shirt at the dry cleaner!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How did this create any work for you? other than whining on DCUM, sounds like you’re just watching.

Exactly. This is not a real problem. Just laugh it off and let him figure it out. Good grief.

[Anonymous]

For those saying this is no big deal, that might be true if this were a one-off. But try living with this all day, every day, for years on end. It isn’t much of a partnership when one person makes everything harder and slower than it needs to be. This is reflects poor executive function and a lack of common sense. I’m five items down my to-do list while he’s still un-f***ing the mess he made an hour ago on a task that should have taken 5 minutes. Breeds a ton of resentment (on both sides). Ask me how I know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For those saying this is no big deal, that might be true if this were a one-off. But try living with this all day, every day, for years on end. It isn’t much of a partnership when one person makes everything harder and slower than it needs to be. This is reflects poor executive function and a lack of common sense. I’m five items down my to-do list while he’s still un-f***ing the mess he made an hour ago on a task that should have taken 5 minutes. Breeds a ton of resentment (on both sides). Ask me how I know.

Yeah, I can imagine how irritating it is for people to do things differently than you do them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He really just creates so much more work for us both ALL.THE.TIME He said he would help with his laundry, he put something in the wash like a paper towel or piece of paper who knows, there is white paper crap on ALL the clothes then puts them in the drier. (Hope that doesn't start a fire). Then SHAKES them all out (stretching clothes!) and lets the 4000000 million TINY pieces on the floor of the laundry room, he then SWEEPS the laundry room floor stuff onto the carpet outside the laundry room (we do indeed have a dust pan right next to the broom) and now is attempting to use the vacuum to try and clean this all up.

I'm so tired. Tired when he doesn't help. More tired when he does.

You picked him.

[Anonymous]

I'm a DH, my Mom taught my sister and me how to do laundry around age 7 or 8. And we used a shared laundry facility in our apartment building that was coin operated.

Surely a grown man can learn to do laundry. Let him practice on his clothes until he figures it out. You can even print out the steps (separate colors, when in doubt use cold water, etc.) and post on the laundry room wall.

[Anonymous]

Seriously, who has not done this once or twice by mistake? You sound awful.

[Anonymous]

He washed his clothes. He picked up the mess when he was finished.

You have the issues, not him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those saying this is no big deal, that might be true if this were a one-off. But try living with this all day, every day, for years on end. It isn’t much of a partnership when one person makes everything harder and slower than it needs to be. This is reflects poor executive function and a lack of common sense. I’m five items down my to-do list while he’s still un-f***ing the mess he made an hour ago on a task that should have taken 5 minutes. Breeds a ton of resentment (on both sides). Ask me how I know.

Yeah, I can imagine how irritating it is for people to do things differently than you do them.

Yep, pretty irritating when one person in the partnership is actually accomplishing stuff competently and the other one is “doing things differently.” I guess we know which type YOU are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For those saying this is no big deal, that might be true if this were a one-off. But try living with this all day, every day, for years on end. It isn’t much of a partnership when one person makes everything harder and slower than it needs to be. This is reflects poor executive function and a lack of common sense. I’m five items down my to-do list while he’s still un-f***ing the mess he made an hour ago on a task that should have taken 5 minutes. Breeds a ton of resentment (on both sides). Ask me how I know.

Same here. Married to a “brilliant untreated adhd/ASD ManChild.” And yes he’s diagnosed; it was loony town and I wanted to know wtf was going on with this chronic pattern of constant brain farts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those saying this is no big deal, that might be true if this were a one-off. But try living with this all day, every day, for years on end. It isn’t much of a partnership when one person makes everything harder and slower than it needs to be. This is reflects poor executive function and a lack of common sense. I’m five items down my to-do list while he’s still un-f***ing the mess he made an hour ago on a task that should have taken 5 minutes. Breeds a ton of resentment (on both sides). Ask me how I know.

Yeah, I can imagine how irritating it is for people to do things differently than you do them.

That’s not what’s going on here. Constant mistakes, setbacks and accidents is not “doing things differently,” it’s destructive. To relationships, to trust, to physical things, to people & children, to timelines.

No one wants to be married and living with Dumber & Dumber or the three stooges 24/7.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He really just creates so much more work for us both ALL.THE.TIME He said he would help with his laundry, he put something in the wash like a paper towel or piece of paper who knows, there is white paper crap on ALL the clothes then puts them in the drier. (Hope that doesn't start a fire). Then SHAKES them all out (stretching clothes!) and lets the 4000000 million TINY pieces on the floor of the laundry room, he then SWEEPS the laundry room floor stuff onto the carpet outside the laundry room (we do indeed have a dust pan right next to the broom) and now is attempting to use the vacuum to try and clean this all up.

I'm so tired. Tired when he doesn't help. More tired when he does.

You picked him.

She’ll unpick him once she knows the children can survive and not rely on his for anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Seriously, who has not done this once or twice by mistake? You sound awful.

Did you read the OP’s post? She was not talking about “once or twice by mistake.” She gave an example, and said this happens all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound very dramatic, OP. Let's all hope you never experience any actual problems because you will fall completely apart.

Actually the bigger issue is how this oaf would cope with “actual problems” if he habitually fails at menial tasks. Let’s indeed all hope she doesn’t experience any “actual problems” because she’s likely on her own. Even if he’s a lovely person, “lovely” doesn’t get stuff done, which puts a disproportionate burden on her. She’s entitled to her frustration, and it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t have other nice qualities.


And for those saying “you picked him” - understand that executive function issues often grow with the complexity of life. Maybe “you picked him” when it was just the two of you, and you were young with no responsibilities yet. You would have needed a crystal ball to manifest how complicated your life would become and whether or not your spouse would be able to rise to those particular challenges. Some people grow while others tread water or worse. It is not always foreseeable. It’s like saying “You picked them” to someone whose spouse develops a drinking problem, absent any indicators when they got married 10 years earlier.

How about a little empathy for someone whose relationship sounds pretty frustrating? If you have nothing helpful to contribute, why don’t you move on?